Loving You Against My Will
by whitereflections12
Summary: AU Jasper/Alice Jasper met the Cullen family on his own, over a century before. Now, 90 years after finding Bella, they have returned to their old hometown of Forks. and it should have been an uneventful return, if only she hadn't been there...
1. Welcome Back

Alrighty, here goes! An AU Jasper/Alice fic, in which he is a member of the Cullen family and meets a still human Alice…a still human Alice whose blood he can hardly resist. In a sense, a retelling of Twilight, with different characters taking center stage. And obviously, as they are different characters, that changes everything. And don't worry, Edward is not alone. He has his beloved Bella with him. (did you think I could separate them? Never. ) This is set 90 years in the future, but for my purposes, things haven't really changed. Why? Because I don't want to get caught up thinking about what's futuristic, etc. So socially, technologically, etc., things are basically the same. And though I absolutely adore Nessie and originally intended to put her in this fic, I decided against it because practically, that fight couldn't have been won without Alice. So that's why there's no Nessie here, unfortunately.

Anyway, I own none of this. I'm just having the time of my life playing with it. : )

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**Jasper**

Of course, it was raining when we drove in. A fact made even more annoying by the fact that I was on my motorcycle. It was, honestly, my own stubborn fault. Emmett had offered to put it in the back of the jeep but I had refused, wanting a little space. Being stuck between him and Edward on a flight for 8 hours kind of drove me a little insane. Now, though, the rain was really coming down and I was following pretty close behind Carlisle's taillights. And almost regretting that I hadn't taken Emmett up on his offer. Almost.

The drive had become so overgrown over the last few years that it looked utterly abandoned, and really, that's what it had been. It had been 90 years since we had lived in Forks. Almost a hundred years since my brother had found his Bella in this tiny, rainy town. Carlisle had had some sort of fondness for it even before that, as they had been here before. Practically, the cloud cover really was the best we could hope for. All in all, a combination of reasons that just kept us coming back.

I pulled all the way up to our old garage building, easing the bike to stop just outside the door. The people we had hired to fix the place up a little before we arrived had done pretty well, but the signs of disuse were everywhere. The garage had been painted, but every entrance was overgrown with weeds and ferns. This had been the building to house my first Ducati, a present from Edward when he realized he didn't need it for himself. I had learned to love it then, and had stuck with the brand ever since. The sleek, silver bike I rode now was only two years old, still very young and healthy. And with Rose looking after it, it should be useful for quite awhile. Or until a faster model came out.

"Oh, it's so good to be home!" Bella's voice rang out from behind me, clear and brilliant. I could feel her happiness radiating from here, feel Edward's answering joy. Whatever made her happy made him happy. There was love intermixed in there as well, adding depth and dimension to the happiness. The same emotions radiated in at me from all sides. Edward and Bella. Emmett and Rosalie. Carlisle and Esme. Sighing, I twisted the keys in the ignition, listened to the bikes purr quiet under me.

"C'mon, Jazz, give me a hand!" Emmett, hauling Edward's piano out of the back of one of the moving vans. We had more than enough money to order them to bring the vans out and leave them until the next morning, that we would do the unloading ourselves. Everyone's lives were just much easier that way, as Esme couldn't bear to have movers touch our furniture. Heaven forbid they drop something priceless, some antique.

"Coming." I slipped off of the bike, strolled casually over to the back of the truck. Carlisle was pulling out one of the living room couches, smiling down at Esme, watching her drink the house in. 

Out of all the places we had lived, if we had a _home_, this truly was it. I slid in behind him, ducking under his arm to grab the other couch. "Looks good, huh, Carlisle?"

He turned that smile on me, widened it just a little. "Yes, it does. It's nice to be back in Forks." I nodded easily, tugged the piece of furniture easily up into my arms. It was nice, truly. And there was something wonderful about all the radiating love and happiness. I thrived on a good emotional climate, 99 of the time. But every now and then, being surrounded by lovers was just lonely. Very, very lonely. I mean, I seriously doubted anyone could ever understand my position. I had _felt_ love, felt it with all the strength and power it could have a million times. But I had never been in love for myself, and that made it even worse. I knew how good it could feel, in theory. Knew also that if _I_ was the one really feeling, that feeling would be a thousand times grander. Still, I had never been that lucky. Maybe I never would, and that was alright, honestly. I could be content like this. I had a family I loved, maybe it just wasn't in the cards for me to have a mate. Maybe I was the loner, always. That would be alright.

"I'll be back. I have to…to go see it. I just want to see how it's changed." I could feel the nostalgia in Bella, and I knew she was talking about Charlie's house, the house she had shared for a couple of years before joining our family.

"Bella, love, wait, I'll come with you." He edged away from the van and toward her, anxiety radiating from him.

_Edward, don't._ He loved her, but sometimes he really was dense. No matter how much you loved someone, there were some things you needed to do alone. Some things that required a little bit of space. This was her father's house she was going to see. Her dead father's house, no less. The kind of feelings associated with that were intensely private, and though she would have never turned him away, she'd feel much better going alone. It would be much better for her to get that out. "Come on, Edward, make yourself useful. Grab that dining room table." _I mean it, Edward. She needs to do this, let her go._

He hesitated, muscles tensing. "Will you be alright without me?"

She flitted to his side, kissed his cheek gently. "Go help. I'll be fine. I won't be long."

When I came back out from placing the couch in the old living room Edward was in the truck, maneuvering the dining room table out from behind Emmett's basketball goal. "I hope you know what you're doing, Jasper. What if she gets upset and she needs me? What if-"

"She's going to be upset, and that's precisely why she doesn't need you, not right now. She needs to grieve, to feel part of her life that you weren't always part of. You need to give her that." He looked hurt, and a little lost and I could feel both from him as well. Without thinking I slid him warmth, a shot of the love I felt for him, my brother. I could see him ease up, if only a little. "She'll be fine. But she may need you when she comes home, just be there for her then. It's fine."

He nodded, distractedly. I could tell his mind was far from me, and I let it go. I snagged the mattress for Carlisle and Esme's bed, darting back into the house. If we hurried, we could get all moved in before night fell. We started school tomorrow, and I really wanted to go hunting, alone. A little break from all the overwhelming emotion. And besides, though I had learned over the years to have a good deal more control I was, as always, the most dangerous. Perhaps my history had forever scarred me in less physical ways, I couldn't be sure. Whatever the reasons, hunting well before that first day could never hurt.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"Jasper Hale?"

"Here." _And wishing I wasn't. You have no idea, lady, how much I wish I wasn't._ I shifted back in my back row seat, my head falling back against the wall. I began counting the squiggles on the ceiling tile over my head absently, desperately keeping my eyes of the teacher. She looked like a librarian crossed over into the classroom, combined with a female drill sergeant. Creepy, to say the least. Not that she intimidated me, not in the slightest. But I thought she was a bitch. The smugness radiating from her was almost more than I could stand. She rattled on through the rest of the list while I continued counting, moved on the syllabus and was working her way through it. I was 499 when I actually paid a little bit of attention to her.

"For the first part of this semester we will be covering the war between the states, the Civil War. One of our country's darkest and yet most fascinating hours."

Oh good God, was this my own personal hell? I resisted the urge to sigh loudly, settled instead for slouching moodily in my seat and looking every bit the disaffected teenager I was supposed to be. The lust that suddenly sprang up in the air around me _should_ have made me feel better, but I didn't want them. I would admit, if only to myself, that I had entertained the thought before, briefly. I mean, the life of an incubus wouldn't be that bad. Not considering that the benefits you got were twofold. But still. I had sworn off _that _kind of feeding over a century ago. And even if I managed to keep that personal rule, I still didn't think I could stomach sleeping around so freely. Despite my years with Maria, there was something of a gentleman still in me, though he spent a lot of time in hiding. I just wouldn't be able to do it. I had had just sex for years with her, damn good sex too. but it wasn't what I wanted, not anymore. Not after seeing what the rest of my family had.

When the bell rang I couldn't have been happier, and I made my way almost too quickly down to the cafeteria to meet my brothers and sisters. Once in the door I called out to Edward, to stop him before he picked a table. _They've added a patio out back. I want to eat outside today._ It was nice, for cloudy. At least it wasn't raining. I saw him nod from his place in line and knew it was intended for me. Pacified, I meandered into the kitchen, halfheartedly grabbing a carton of milk and a pretzel. Did those two things go together? Did it matter? It had been way too long since I had had human food, I could hardly remember what I had once liked.

When I made my way outside I found them easily, on a picnic table by a railing, Emmett and Rose actually up on the concrete railing. He had one arm around her, the other hand stealthily dismembering some sort of food item. A piece of which he chucked at me as I joined them at the table. "Hey, Jasper!"

"Hello, Emmett. Good morning?"

"Yeah, French went well." I could hardly imagine how. We knew all the languages offered here. Or pretty much anywhere. "You?"

"Hm. History was interesting." If I had to hear one more idiotic retelling of something I had seen firsthand, I was probably going to shoot myself.

Edward chuckled, shaking his head. "Don't, Jazz, it'd just ricochet."

Very funny, Edward. Very funny. I thought my brother was supposed to care if I got suicidal?

He chuckled again. "Yes, well, when I hear you thinking about taking an international trip, _then_ I'll worry."

I smiled a little at that, catching on to his good mood. With me, the term 'infectious mood' was really quite literal. I began absently shredding the Styrofoam from my tray, eyes wandering over the 

grounds. The 'new' outdoor eating area stretched on to the left, down some steps to a lower level that continued for a little ways out to the right along the building. It was large, a nice addition. I skimmed over the crowd, paying more attention to the calls of a crow behind me to what I saw.

Until I saw her. She sat on a bench, her knees pulled up to her chest, her chin resting on them. She had only a bottle of water at her side and she stared straight ahead, listening to the guy in front her. He looked like he was borderline yelling at her, and I forced my ears to tune in on his words.

"…makes no sense. I don't know why you have to cause so much trouble, why can't you just be good, huh? Just do what you're supposed to, and you'd never get in these messes. And I think…" Nothing particularly interesting, at least not that he had mentioned. Still, he was upsetting her.

It was a moment before I realized Edward was staring at me, the crease over his eyes giving away his puzzlement. I ignored that fact. "Who is she?" He had to know about who I was referring, he could see her in my thoughts.

"Alice Brandon. That's her brother. Apparently she's been causing trouble at home, saying things her parents disagree with. They think she's on drugs, or trying to be difficult." He gave the information easily, but the question of 'why do you care?' remained on his face. Again, I chose not to address it.

"Her brother, huh?" He shouldn't be yelling at her like that, especially not in public. It wasn't nice, it was degrading. Not that it was ever right to yell at a lady. I almost laughed at myself internally, shook myself a bit. Who was I to talk? I wasn't always the best example of a gentleman either, though I at least tried, I at least had it in me. Still, it shouldn't bother me. Another boy approached then, this one taller, olive skinned. He took her hand almost forcefully, sat down beside her and pulled her into his side. A few words for her brother, then her brother was stalking off, leaving them alone. She looked up at the newcomer and smiled, wrapped her arms around his neck. It was then that I looked away, an inexplicable feeling of… No, that couldn't be. There were a hundred people out here, my emotional signals were getting scrambled. I stood up, grabbing my tray. "I'm going to the library."

"Jasper, do you want me to-"

"_No_, Edward." I didn't need company. Not right now. I just wanted to find something to read that I at least hadn't read in awhile, something interesting. Maybe Lonesome Dove. Would they have that in a high school library? They should, it was a classic.

It would hurt nothing, I decided, to walk down the stairs and past her, to go into the other doors to the school. It would hurt nothing, and it was certainly perfectly normal. Nothing out of the ordinary. I stepped down the stairs, watching her out of the corner of my eye. He was talking to her now and her head was resting against his shoulder, her fingers running through her close cut, spiky hair. The wind shifted, then, and I froze. For I finally understood what Edward had been telling me all those years ago about Bella, and I didn't know how she had ever lived more than an hour. _Edward, you have to grab me. NOW._

And thank God that he was close, that he could answer. I felt his hand grip vise tight around my arm, everything about his outside manner playful, keeping up a good act. No one could see just how tightly he held me, so tightly that I wouldn't be able to pull away without temporarily sacrificing an arm. And while I could always get it back, the thought of losing an arm in broad daylight was enough to keep some sense in my head. I let him walk me, shaking, down to his Volvo, push me inside and slam and lock the doors. He never one let go of me.

My throat burned, hotter than a thousand raging fires. I could feel just how she would taste on my tongue. Hot, thick, so good. She smelled like blackberries, honeysuckle, magnolia… I groaned, my hands shaking. It would be so easy to go back, so easy to finish it. A century before, I would have never had to think twice, would have never had the chance. The instinct would have been all consuming. Even with the perspective I had gained, it was hardly enough. I wasn't supposed to want her, I wasn't supposed to want this. But _God_, the _taste_!

"Don't think about the taste. Don't think about the thirst. Don't breathe." His words were tight, nervous.

I did as he said, cut off my air flow, restored a little clarity. Enough that I could feel the tension rolling off of him in waves, each one more nerve wracking than the last.

"Will you _stop_ that? I made it to the fucking car, didn't I?" Harder on him than I needed to be, and I regretted it. He had saved me, just then, saved all of us. But his nerves weren't helping mine, and it took me a moment to gain the focus to calm us both down. "Sorry." I muttered the word, eyes on the floorboard.

He held my arm still, shackling me to him. I could feel him shrug. "It's alright, I didn't take it personally. I know what you're going through."

"I want her."

"I know." We were silent, deathly silent. I could hear the wind playing around the cracks in the car, hear the voices from the school up the hill. "You can do this, Jasper. You've come such a long way."

But of course, not far enough that he wasn't patronizing when he spoke to me, just then. Not far enough that resisting could really be expected of me, like it had been of him. Never far enough.

"That isn't fair, you know. Carlisle has every faith in you."

"Carlisle. Not you."

I saw him tilt his head out of the corner of my eye and I knew he was thinking, gave him some time. "No, it isn't really like that. I have faith in you, Jazz, but I know how hard this is. I know it can go either way. I know I almost did. So I know this could end very badly, but I very much want to believe that it won't."

Because we just came here, and Bella's happy. I know, Edward, you don't want me to ruin it for her.

"That's not all it is. I don't want it for you, either. You'll regret it if you do, Jasper. For the rest of your days."

I could hear the hollow tone in his voice, and I knew he was right. I would, of course. It had been the regret that had driven me away from Peter and Charlotte, had driven me to wander alone until I had met Carlisle in a bar in Alaska. He had come in to tend to the victim of a stab wound. I, having fled outside when the fight began just in case, had still been hanging around the parking lot. He had approached me afterward, and though I had been initially hesitant to speak to a stranger, his golden eyes had intrigued me. From there, our lives had fallen into place well. I had slipped up few times since, and not at all in the past 50 years. And I would regret it deeply if I broke that record now, if I took human life. Stupid, stupid girl.

"It isn't her fault. It's easier if you realize that."

Ha. Nothing short of cutting my throat out could make this easier. It was still burning, brutally. I wasn't sure what I would have done if he let me go. I at least knew I could go back to school that day, not like I was.

"Of course. I'll take you home."

I leaned back in the seat, shut my eyes. My head was swimming, the pain in my throat seeming to travel up into almost a migraine. I could still smell her, in my memory. Blackberries, honeysuckle, magnolia. Like the bits of the old south, bottled and preserved in what had to be the most intoxicating blood I could have ever tasted. The devil certain knew my weak points.

"Don't. Think . Of the smell. Honestly, it _will_ drive you mad."

Don't think of the smell, right. Yes, _that_ was going to be an easy one. I swallowed venom back, forced another blanket of calm over Edward and myself. It was as strong as I could manage, and while I couldn't speak for him, it definitely didn't do me very much good.

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:pokes: poor Jasper…

Alrighty, this is my first attempt at a Jasper/Alice, and a completely different kind of idea, so please tell me what you think!


	2. Common Ground

**Update**: Fixed a few typos and such. And I truly intended to get chapter 3 up for you by tonight (Thursday), but I have three tests tomorrow, and so writing tonight just isn't smart. And I think I'm going out Friday, so it'll probably be Saturday before this is up, if not Sunday. I'm sorry, life is ambushing me.

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**Jasper**

He dropped me off at the house, but I didn't stay there. I was too nervous, edgy. And besides, being alone with my thoughts wasn't going to help this one bit. If anything, it would only make it worse. The longer I spent alone, the more I could dwell on that incredible smell, the desire to take her blood, how easy it would be. She was so small, after all, so very easy…

No, it would have been madness to stay in the house. I jumped on the bike, ignored the flash of concern I felt from Esme inside when she heard it start up. I could feel guilty for worrying her later. I told myself I didn't have a clear destination in mind, but that was crap and really I knew it. As much as I might not have really wanted to talk, everyone in our family had the same instinct in the event of a crisis: go to Carlisle.

He wasn't in his office when I got there, but I found it by following the slight trace of his scent on the few personal possessions he had brought in. This office was different from his last one, smaller. They'd probably upgrade him once they realized just how good he was. I sat down in the chair, then stood, too agitated to sit down. I paced, inspecting the room. He had brought a few books, mostly for show. He, of course, had perfect recall on everything he had ever read. The pictures on his desk lined one whole side, large, bright and happy. There was one of him and Esme, in the Rockies. Another of Esme alone, painting the house we had had outside of Anchorage. Edward and Bella, here in Forks. She was still human then, as evidenced by the blush on her cheeks and the deep chocolate of her eyes. Emmett and Rosalie in the Jeep, Rose messing around under the hood. And the last one, me alone on a large pine branch, snow in my hair. That had been from the fairly early days, back in Denali in the middle of my second year with them, when we were living for a time with Tanya and her family. Before Edward had his Bella, before I was really sure of myself. Before a great many things. There were better pictures of me, I thought, but he kept this one, said he liked it _because_ it was from the beginning, because even then he had seen in me everything he had come to love even more. Kind of him, of course, but I would never be able to see myself the way he saw me. I knew too much of the truth, too much of the demons from my past. There are things about a soldier that cannot be erased. I could see the hardness of it in my eyes in the picture, and I knew I would see it still if I looked in a mirror now.

"Jasper?"

I hadn't heard him come in but I looked up from the desk, caught his worried eyes. "Carlisle." Now that I was here, I didn't know how to start. Really, I honestly didn't want to talk. I has followed instinct here, but I didn't know what I wanted to do now that I was here. Maybe just stay here with him for a bit, have him not ask me any questions. Even silent my father was a steadying presence.

"What's wrong, son?" But of course, he would ask. And I couldn't lie.

I shrugged, slid fluidly down to sit back against the wall, let my head fall back. "Can I stay here for a little while? Are you busy?"

I didn't watch him, but I could feel the confusion seeping out from him. "Of course, you know I'm never too busy for you. I…" I could tell he wanted to ask, could feel that he was just as equally hesitant to do so. "Is there anything you-"

"Not right now." I didn't want to feel him panic, deal with his concern. I just wanted to feel him calm, steady, relaxing. Unfortunately, it was only five minutes before I realized that was out of the question, now. He couldn't provide the calm emotional environment I had come here for when he was now on edge, no doubt speculating what had brought me here so suddenly in the middle of a 

school day. I sighed heavily, let my head fall into my hands. The confusion was overwhelming and I sent a surge of calm, exasperated. I just didn't feel quite the same to me when it was induced. It did to everyone else, of course. But a person's emotions had a sort of signature, a bit of themselves in them. This didn't feel like Carlisle, it felt like me, and that wasn't what I was craving.

"I'm sorry, Jasper." And he did seem generally grieved that he hadn't controlled his nerves. Ah, Carlisle. Always blaming himself. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"It's fine, don't be sorry. I was the one upsetting you, it's only fair."

"No, you're not I'm just…" I heard a book thud softly closed, heard the wheels on his chair as he turned toward me. "Are you alright?"

"No." Expectant silence, and I could feel his worry growing again. And indecision. He had asked already, and he didn't want to push me. Well, I didn't want him to, either. But I couldn't hurt him. Ah, hell. Maybe coming here hadn't been such a good idea after all. "Maybe it's something about Forks." I muttered, mostly talking to myself. Because it really was just so damn weird. Bella, and now…her? Alice Brandon…Alice… All of hell and temptation contained in one tiny girl.

More confusion. "I thought you liked it here."

I laughed, bitter. Did he really think it was that trivial? Well, I suppose he might considering that was all I had said. "No, no I love it here." Or, I had. At least as much as I ever loved the north. There was part of me that ached for heavy warmth and a slower pace of life, cicadas in the summer and Spanish moss on the trees. But that belonged to another life, and our family would never be safe in the south. I had had to learn to let it go. "I have a…problem." He didn't speak, waited to give me time to elaborate. Best to put it simply. "A problem like Edward's, the last time we were here. Quite the stroke of luck, huh, Carlisle?" I laughed again, loosening up now that I was talking. "I mean, what the hell are the odds? It's crazy. But there's no mistaking it, that was worse than…" I shook my head, remembering. "Worse than I could have believed. Damn lucky it didn't happen last time we were here, I would have never made it."

I heard his breath stop, his hand run through his hair. "What are the odds…" it was a whisper, incredulous. "Interesting…"

I rolled my eyes up at the ceiling. Of course, trust him to be the scientist, the scholar. Just like always. The familiarity of it was comforting, and I smiled. Of course, only Carlisle would immediately be interested in why, in finding the connection. If there was one, but maybe there was. Or maybe there wasn't, and it was sheer dumb luck. His feelings changed then, shifting through shock and onto something else, something I could hardly believe.

"I'm proud of you, Jasper." The words were unnecessary when I could feel it so clearly, but it was nice to hear it all the same. Or, it should have been. I felt too guilty and tarnished to deserve it.

"Too soon to say that, dad." It came easily now, after being with him so long. And truly, he was the only real father I had ever had. My old man and I had not really seen eye to eye on much, and even when we had it was in a very stiff, formal sort of way. Carlisle was my real father.

"No, I don't think so. While it's not something I've ever been through myself, I can imagine that initially resisting is the hardest part. Once you know you can do it, it gets easier. Or, so Edward has told me."

I was already shaking my head, contradicting him. "You don't understand. It's not like I walked away. I had Edward there to restrain me, to keep my head above water. If he hadn't have been so close-"

"We don't know what you would have done." A swift movement and he had joined me on the floor, his shoulder pressed against mine. "You're far too hard on yourself, son. You always have been."

Because I knew what I was capable of and they didn't. In theory, yes, and I had made a few slips. But they had never seen me at my worst. Only I had seen that. Well, Edward had glimpsed a little in my mind. But even those memories didn't do it true justice. "I think I know."

"No one knows what might have been, a thousand different things can affect our choices." True, but I was pretty sure I was right about this one. He ran through a few different emotions then. Pride, love, annoyance…fear? "If you have to leave, I understand. And if you want me to come with you, I will."

No, I would never ask that of him, though it did feel good that he would offer. But besides that, I wasn't leaving. "I'm not leaving." It came out harsher than I intended, some of my distaste slipping into my words. Whatever I was, I was a soldier. And we didn't run, even when it would have been smarter. Even if doing what Edward did, taking a few days clarity, would have been better in the end. "I just couldn't be there any longer today, I needed a break, I needed to breathe. To think."

"If you're certain. I do have every faith in you."

"You really shouldn't." The more ready he was, the less disappointed he would be when I failed him, when I killed her. It was probably only a matter of time. And even if I didn't kill her, his faith in me was still too high for my comfort. I hated hurting him, and the more he trusted me the more that became inevitable.

"You keep telling me that, and yet over the years you give me only more reason to be proud of you." He tousled my hair gently, rose to his feet. "I know you, Jasper, better than you think I do. You're a good man, you'll do the right thing."

Would I? I turned, stretched out back along the floor, eyes closed. "Tell me about _your_ first day." Talking about his work made him happy, excited. I really needed happy right now, at least as much as I needed calm. I'd hide out here, head home when he did. Maybe think of a way to apologize to Esme along the way. There was that little antique shop in Port Angeles, I could promise her something on my next trip into town. I did owe her something for worrying her, it was the least I could do. I fell into a comfortable almost trance as Carlisle began describing his pediatrics patient with an inexplicable heart murmur. This was why I had come here, for that unique mix of concern, fascination and happiness that just screamed Carlisle. The thirst faded into the background and I could relax, content. For now.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"Are you sure you're-"

"Edward, I swear, if you ask me if I'm up to this _one more time…_"

He held his hands up in defeat, eyebrows rising. "Alright. You can do this."

Damn right. Or, at least, I hoped he was. For the time being, at least. In any case, I knew what to expect now, and I had been practicing with calming myself. It was harder than calming others, but after a night of almost constant practice I had the idea. The way I saw it, it wouldn't be so bad. I didn't have any classes with her, so I'd really just have to avoid her in the halls or at lunch, just keep my distance. I could do that.

And for awhile, I did. Trig and French passed by without incident, and I was starting to think that this really would be just as doable as I'd told Edward. Then, US History. She came in late, slid through the door and right up to the teachers desk, add slip in hand. Dammit.

I had held my breath almost instantly, but it wasn't quite enough. I could feel the raging burn so acutely, so painfully. My hands clenched and unclenched, finally found my pen on my desk and pulled it down and into my bag, pulverizing it into a million pieces where it couldn't be seen. Dammit, dammit, dammit. Why the hell did she have to be in this class?

And now, sitting in the back row, beside me. Far enough away to give me a little fresh air, but still far too close. Or not. Perhaps this was best, easier. If I moved quickly, and I knew I could, I could have her without a scream. Without a sound. If we were by any stroke of luck looking at a powerpoint or transparancies with the lights out, even better. We were at the back of the room, and if everyone's attention stayed up front, I could have her silent in my hands, have her small body drained in a matter of seconds. No time to savor it, but that would be alright. I could even put her back down in her seat, no one would notice. She didn't seem the popular type. I could slip out the door first when the bell rang, not be there when someone finally noticed she wasn't getting up.

The venom was thick in my mouth, heavy. I found myself watching the teacher, waiting for a long enough gap of inattentiveness, perhaps a long paragraph being written on the board. Fortunately, there was no such luck, and I had enough time to be rational again. To remember my family, to remember Edward. And to be shocked that he hadn't come in and burst down the door a few minutes ago. I had asked him that morning to let me handle this, and he must have taken it far more literally than I suspected. Probably not the smartest time he could have ever picked to listen to me. I swallowed the venom with a great deal of effort, ground my teeth together. I could do this, I could do this. _Don't forget to pretend to breathe. That's it, act normal. Normal. You can do this. God, she smells- NO, don't think that you idiot!_

"Back row? Would you care to join us please?"

My eyes jolted up, found a very angry librarian-woman. Ah. She was going to ask us a question. Apparently, most of the row had been zoning. At least I had good reason, though I doubted it would work as an excuse. _I'm sorry I wasn't listening, I was concentrating very hard on not committing murder this morning, you see._ If Emmett had been here, he would have laughed. And I would have too, if it hadn't been too damn honest to be really all that funny.

"Now, since all of you seem to know the subject matter beyond the need to pay attention…" She trailed off in what she thought was a menacing manner, and it probably was. But all that I could think was, _actually, I do_. I smiled, tight lipped. Well, at least this provided a little distraction. Not that I wasn't still tensing every muscle in my body to hold myself in my seat. "Can you all tell me what the first battle of the Civil War was?"

"Battle of Manassas." "Battle of Bull Run."

I'm not sure who my eyes whipped to first, the Yankees that had said Bull Run or the annoying little girl that hadn't. She was looking at me too, and for a moment I couldn't look away. She had these strange blue eyes, dark, almost sapphire. And she was staring at me far too steadily for a human, as if she was seeing something beyond me, something I couldn't see. It was disconcerting, and it was a moment before she shook out of it. Our teacher had started to prattle on about that first battle, and I had forced myself to look away when I heard her whisper. "You're from the south."

Smart girl. I nodded, head focused straight ahead. I could feel her curiosity, and something else that flitted by so quickly I couldn't place it.

"Biloxi, Mississippi. Originally at least, but it's been years." And I could hear that in her voice, now that I had really heard her speak. It was faded, but it had that familiar slower edge, the warmth. "You?"

Annoyance rose, and I quelled it sharply before I did something stupid like growl at her. She wasn't supposed to speak to me, she wasn't supposed to even be in this damn class. To be honest, I was madder at myself than anything else. The conversation would have been innocent enough, if she were normal. As it was, I didn't trust myself to open my mouth around her. So as easy as it should have been to tell her I was from the great state of Texas and about how many ways it kicked Washington's ass, I kept quiet, ignored her. An action made even worse by the fact that I could feel her sting of rejection as if it were my own, followed by frustration. Anger. Again, I would have laughed if I still wasn't so tense. She was a tenacious little thing, this one. Her anger felt very fierce, unmatched to either her size or her pixie like looks.

When the bell rang, I was gone before she could question me again.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"Jasper…your eyes!"

I glared at Rose, annoyed by her shock. _Yes, I'm sure they're a very disturbing shade of black, Rose. At least it isn't red._

Edward's hand shot out, gripping her arm and steering her back toward Emmett. "Leave him alone, Rose." He slid onto the bench beside me, his voice dropping lower. "You did very well."

"Hm." She was alive, at least. That was something.

"It's progress, certainly. Especially considering…well, I'm sorry I couldn't have warned you she was changing classes. I didn't know her mind well enough yet to be watching for it."

"It's alright." We were outside again, and I was taking advantage of the clean air, drawing it in in great gulps. It felt wonderful. Clean. The burn had faded somewhat, fallen to a more decent level. My eyes were probably starting to edge back toward at least a burnt gold.

"Yes, they are. Feeling better?"

Enough, at least. I pulled my legs up, crossed them and leaned back farther, watching. She was there, quite a ways away. The same boy was with her, not her brother but the darker one. "Who is he?"

"Tyson Rodriquez." Thankfully, he knew better than to ask why. That was a question I didn't know either, anyway.

He slid his arm around her shoulders, and I could feel the lust emanating from him from here. Lust, and fondness, but no real affection. My lip curled, disgusted. For the most part, I hated the emotions of boys this age. There were few of them worth anything. Certainly not him.

"Your speculation is right, though. He is her boyfriend. And he seems to be quite pleased with himself for that."

I grunted noncommittally. There was some story being told by a boy decorated in many colored chains, but she had suddenly stopped listening. She had that same look she had had that morning when she had seemed to look past me, through me. It passed and she tilted her head, as if deep in thought. "What was she thinking?"

"What?"

"What was she thinking, just now?"

"I wasn't paying attention. I was listening to him." He hesitated, his curiosity rising until it got the better of him. "Why?"

I don't know. "Nothing, it's nothing."

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Saw a little more of Alice here, but still not too much. Don't worry though, the introduction has to be a little slow, but that's just to set things up of course.

Let me know how you think it's going so far! : )


	3. Impatience

Yay, next chapter! Sorry this took so long to get up, things have been rather hectic.

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**Alice**

"So…where we going?"

I sighed, settled back in the seat of Tyson's car. _I don't know. Really, I know we'll just end up with your friends whatever I say. _ "Beach, I guess."

It must have come out a little more frustrated than I thought, because even he noticed. "Something wrong, baby?"

"No." No, nothing at all. Nothing except a series of weird events, which was saying something considering the weirdness I had started to be immersed in over the past few years. I had come to realize, though, that I had probably been having the visions all my life. They had been less frequent, certainly, and when I was younger as far as I could remember I wrote them off as dreams or déjà vu or lucky guesses, but the older I got the stronger and more frequent they became…and it became impossible to call them anything but what they were.

Of course, when you try to explain to your family that you're seeing glimpses of the future, all they do is say you're lying to get attention. Or call you crazy. And I _wasn't_ crazy, I knew that for a fact. I had seen it come true far too many times. I had almost stopped trying to tell them about them, really. I mean, what kind of insane person kept at something like that, something they knew they would fail? Still, when I had seen Billy in that car accident, I couldn't help but tell him not to leave. I mean, he was brother, my love for him went above and beyond self preservation. Of course, none of them believed me. But at least the time they had spent chewing me out for it had delayed him just enough that he would no longer be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

The problem was, now they were all harping on the 'crazy' thing again. They'd go back to saying I was just a liar soon enough, so I wasn't all that worried. They could search my room for drugs, do whatever they wanted. They wouldn't find anything.

I looked over at Tyson, watching him as he drove. His eyes were fixed ahead, relaxed. He had really believed me when I had said I was fine, but then again I wasn't really surprised. He was about as observant as a goldfish, but that didn't mean he didn't have other qualities. He was attractive, certainly, and he could have had other girls, but besides the physical, he had always been a pretty nice guy, though maybe a better friend than boyfriend. Still, genuinely nice guys were hard to find, and I loved him for who he was. But there was something about this that just didn't feel real, that felt more like killing time than anything else. I had spent a lot of time telling myself that it was silly to feel that way, that I should just let things go where they would, stop trying to be some sort of mystical romantic in addition to the huge way I was already a freak. I had told myself that a lot, right up until today.

That's when things had gotten weirder, even for me. The first time _he_ had looked at me, there was this strange mix of shock and hatred, but I hadn't felt either. I had only a moment to really look at him, because then the vision had taken all of my attention. I had been in an empty hall with my back to the cold metal of the lockers, trapped there by his body as he leaned on one arm over me. His gaze was somehow both predatory and tender, and my heart was racing madly in my chest. We were talking, and I was telling him something about knowing him, and about resisting. I didn't remember that part too well, because then he was kissing me and _nothing_ else mattered. It had felt like flying, and I had known beyond all doubt that I had been right to have my 'stupid, romantic' thoughts before about just killing time with Tyson, because there could be nothing else in all the world like _this_, no one I could ever love with this intensity except for _him_. I had reached up to take his face in my hands, to pull him closer. He had responded just as hungrily, his body pressing mine back hard against the wall.

Then, I had snapped out of it, and he was still staring at me. I was confused, dazed even, but I had tried to make conversation as best I could. And he had rejected me, rather harshly. If _anything_ could have made the vision more confusing, that was it. I mean, what was I supposed to think? If he was supposed to be mine, and there was no doubt in my mind about that, then why had he reacted like that? How could he be so…so completely aloof, so disinterested? Of course, he didn't know the things I did, he hadn't felt them yet. He didn't know what I had felt in his arms in that vision, the utter perfection of that kiss. We were one, he just didn't know it yet.

He really, really didn't know it yet, because he didn't speak to me at all, slipped out of class before I even had a chance to try again. Then, the vision this afternoon. Billy and I were fighting, over what I couldn't be sure, but it was loud and angry, and on school grounds. After his band practice, from the looks of it. He tried to walk away and I grabbed his arm, trying to force him to hold up. He pulled away, wheeled on me yelling… And then _he _was there, just a few steps away. When I first saw the look of terrifying anger on his face, in his eyes, I was frightened, backed away. But the anger wasn't intended for me, and I could hear him telling Billy in a very dangerously calm voice to step away from me.

Then, that one was over. So all I had were two disjointed pieces, and none of them told me how to approach him, how all this began. Not even who he was. I knew that they were, collectively, the Cullens but I didn't know which one he was. Maybe… "Hey, you have any of the new kids in your classes?"

He nodded, easy, shifted the steering wheel into his right hand and let his left fall. "Yeah. That big guy, Emmett, he's in my French class. Seems nice enough." He turned slightly to me, eyes a little questioning. "You met any of them?"

I shrugged, casual. "The tall blond guy is in US history with me. Don't know his name. Seems smart, though." I bit my tongue, hoping I hadn't said too much, caught his attention.

"Oh yeah, one of the guys has a class with him, said he seemed real quiet, loner type. Name's Jasper."

Jasper. Jasper Cullen. _Jasper, Jasper, Jasper…_ My mind ran over it and over it, learning the feel of it. I liked it very much. It sounded right, it…_fit_ somehow. I had to bite my tongue again before I said it aloud to really taste it. That wasn't safe here, I could do it when I got home. Suddenly, the beach was just going to be an annoyance. Still, probably better than an afternoon with my brother and an evening with all of them.

I had hardly noticed how far we had come, didn't even register that we were already there until he was parking on the sandy shoulder of the road on the edges of La Push. "Hey, Alice, baby, you sure you're ok?"

He leaned over, his arm resting on my seat, eyes concerned. I looked up and smiled for him, reaching up to trace his cheek. "It's fine. Promise." A little hesitantly, I leaned in to kiss him. He eagerly closed the distance, cupping my face in his hands gently. And I knew then, even more than I already had. It felt nice, it always had. But the real enjoyment I had always gotten out of it before was gone, vanished. I had felt something incomparably better, and somehow this felt like betrayal, now that I knew. I was glad when I could pull away, fake another smile. "Come on. Let's walk."

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

I slid in the backdoor as quietly as I could, shutting it carefully behind me. The kitchen was empty, lights off. That was a good sign. When they were going to be mad, they left the light on as another symbol that they were waiting for me. Lights off meant things were ok, at least for now. I slipped into the living room, pausing only a moment at the fridge to grab a Sprite. Dad was watching a baseball game on TV, Padres vs. Nationals. "Hey, dad."

He looked up, a little. "Alice."

I couldn't help it, this hurt. This was why I hated coming home, this…distance. Me and dad had always been close, ever since I was a little girl. It's hard to go from being a daddy's girl to someone he barely acts like he knows. The punishment for telling the truth, I guess. I mean I'd heard before that no good deed goes unpunished. I wondered, sometimes, if I really should have thought of that sooner. Sure, a few bad things would have happened. Neighbor's house would have burned down, Billy would have died…was it worth it? It bothered me that I couldn't say anymore. I was just so damn tired of being either yelled at or ignored. "Where's mom?"

"At Karen's." This time, his eyes didn't leave the TV.

"Alright. Well I'm gonna go on upstairs."

Nothing. No 'stay and watch the game with me, honey'. No 'sweetie, have you had dinner?'. Nothing. Well, that was to be expected. I stepped back into the shadows and up the stairs, not looking back. Billy's door was closed and for a moment, I had the sick desire to go and knock on it like I used to, but I decided I had had enough for the day.

I shut my own door behind me, collapsed back onto my bed. For a moment I did nothing but watch the fan turn, thinking. My thoughts were on him immediately, of course. How could I get him to talk to me? How was this supposed to start? Inconvenient, that I had only been shown that I belonged to him. None of how I got there. I sighed, sat up to take a drink. The can was ice cold, and it reminded me suddenly of the vision, something I hadn't really dwelled on too much before. He had been cold. Very cold, but the me in my vision hadn't minded or even really taken notice, as if this was normal.

Ice cold. I held on to the can rather than set it back down, my fingers adjusting to the cold. Jasper. Alone, now, I could say it for myself. "Jasper." Yes, that definitely sounded good.

When I fell asleep a couple of hours later, I was still seeing him in my mind, not as I had seen him today but as I had seen him in the hallway. The love and danger in his eyes wove its way through my dreams.

''''''''''''''''''''''''

"The three of you, form a group."

Right then, I think I could have cheered. I barely controlled it, but I managed. A group project was actually better than I had hoped for, better than the sketchy plans I had been making in my head for talking to him. He would _have_ to at least interact with me in some way.

If I was ecstatic about this, he looked equally furious. It would have hurt, if I hadn't already seen the future, known how we would end up. As it was, I was just annoyed. He was being a very frustrating hold up. It was me and him and Harry Walters, but I didn't really want to pay any attention to Harry. I slid my desk closer, not really surprised but disappointed when he moved back, moved closer to Harry. _Well, fine then._ I let myself have a moment of glaring down at my notes before I looked up, getting out a little bit of my frustration.

"Yeah, this sucks doesn't it?" Harry was grinning at me in a very friendly way, his voice soft. "I hate all this old stuff. I mean, why the hell do we need to know it anyway?"

Made sense, of course, that he would think I was annoyed about the report. "Actually, I think it's pretty interesting, but I don't like her." She was too stiff and angry and just one of those teachers I dearly longed to tell to get over themselves. "So…" I looked up at the assignment on the board, trying to figure out what was going on. I really hadn't been paying attention like I should have. "Right. Well since we get to pick our topic, anything you guys particularly want?" I looked at him, not Harry. I knew Harry didn't care, and even if he had I wouldn't have cared what he wanted. It was _his_ preference I was interested in.

He was tense, fingers curled around the edges of his notebook. He shook his head, and for a moment I almost lost hope of ever getting him to really speak to me.

"Really? Because I don't have any ideas here." Alright, I could play stupid for a few minutes. Just to _try_ to make him talk. This was so damn annoying…

For a moment he looked like he almost smiled, but in a very painful sort of way. "The progression of the war in Texas." He got it out quickly, and he clenched his jaw tight after he said it, as if he was trying to physically stop himself from saying anything more.

"That's not really an easy one though, is it? I mean, we could go with Lincoln's presidency or something…"

I knew Harry would only be worried about whether or not it was easy. "Well, everyone'll be doing stuff like that and this won't really be that hard. Besides, it'll be less boring if we do something we haven't heard a million times." I pulled out my textbook, ready to start looking. The war in Texas, huh? Was that where he was from? Or did he just like it there? Or was it completely random, and I was way too obsessed? Yeah, probably the last one.

She rapped on the board, drawing our attention. "Class, five minutes left for today! It would be wise to start working on these soon, so make sure you schedule a time to meet with your groupmates this week!"

I yanked out a sheet of paper from my notebook, ripped it into thirds. I scribbled my name, email address and cell number onto two of them, talking as I did. "I've got loads of free time, pretty much whenever. You guys decide when we want to do this, and you can give me a call or whatever, ok?" Harry didn't need my name, I knew, but I put it on both so it wouldn't be quite so obvious that I wanted him to have it.

It was probably crazy, completely ridiculous that my heart almost jolted out of my chest when he slowly pulled the blank scrap of paper toward him and wrote his name in the kind of beautifully flowing script you never saw anymore except in museums. It was almost impossibly hard to let Harry write his information before pulling it back to me. Jasper…Hale? I thought it was Cullen? Ah well, not that it mattered. Hale was perfectly fine. Well then. Jasper Hale. And this was something new about him, this fact that he wrote like he had studied calligraphy for years. Maybe he had, who knew. Their father was a doctor after all, no telling what sort of rich kid schools they had gone to when they were younger. The only real question was why they were here now.

The bell rang then, and though I jerked a little I didn't jump up. Harry did, and he was gone in an instant. I folded the paper, slid it into the pocket on the front of my notebook. I could sense him, almost feel him still in front of me and the urge to look up became too great. My eyes met his strange golden ones, and I almost fell into them, mesmerized. "Galveston."

My heart pounded erratically, lips curving into what I knew had to be an idiotic grin. He was finally, _finally_ answering that first question. Yes! Progress! It didn't matter how small it was, at least I was gaining some ground. "Well, this makes sense then."

He smiled a little in response, and my heart reversed direction, almost slamming to a stop. This was a little smile, barely passing for one. And still, he was the most beautiful man I had ever seen. If he ever really, really smiled at me…

I caught my breath, forced my thoughts into order. "Are you ah…when would you want us to meet?" And I don't care when, I don't care if Harry's busy. Actually, I do. I'd rather he _were_ busy.

His smile faded and he rose fluidly from his chair, stepping farther back. "Not sure. I'll be in touch."

"Yeah, ok." _Please, please let it be soon._

"Until tomorrow then." He dipped his head a little, a gesture that seemed naturally suited to be accompanied with an ending of 'ma'm'.

I nodded mutely, eyes following him as he left. For a minute I was a little frozen. It was the perfect term, because when I did start to move I seemed to thaw into motion, my body starting to move one piece at a time, and ever so slowly. I was still seeing his eyes, hearing his voice. It was harder to hear than I expected, especially since he barely said five words at a time, but there was a hint of a Texas drawl there. There was something so sexy about that, different from the Spanish lilt that Tyson had. This was both familiar and unfamiliar, but undeniably attractive. Just like the rest of him.

I wandered to lunch, claiming a table quickly before Tyson had a chance to show up. In the moments I had before he got there, I pulled the paper out of my bag and programmed Jasper's number into my phone.

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Ah, gotta love annoyed Alice. Of course, I'd be annoyed with him too if he wasn't speaking. But poor Jasper. lol


	4. Denial

**Jasper**

Carlisle was right, as he usually was. It was getting easier. Well. 'Easier' meaning that I had been able to say a few words in her presence and endure the burn while keeping the urge to jump her in check. Yes, progress. Of course, a few weeks ago I would have said this was major regression on my part, years in the past. I would have said that easily, and it would have been true, if it wasn't for the overwhelming way she smelled.

"You're doing remarkably well." I jumped, Edward's soft murmur closer than I anticipated. "Sorry, Jazz. Didn't mean to startle you."

" 'S fine." In the background, Emmett and Rose laughed over something Bella had said, and I could feel Edward's anxiety, his urge to go to her side. At the moment, though, the duty he felt as my brother was holding him beside me, making him keep me company. I appreciated it, but he had somewhere else he belonged; he shouldn't have to feel so obligated to be with me. "It's alright, go on. I'm fine, just thinking." He hesitated, almost ready to take my advice. The dark haired boy, Harry, walked by then and I stopped Edward, holding him still. "Wait. His mind, tell me if he thinks about his plans for the next couple of days."

He looked puzzled, initially, but I let the project run through my mind and he nodded, understanding. "You want to make sure he can make it, to have all of you there."

Yes, something like that. I wouldn't tell him the insanity that had tempted me while I had been looking into those sapphire eyes, the desire to have some time with her all to myself. That was just stupid, and I couldn't let it cross my mind while he could hear. A few uneventful minutes passed before...

"Tomorrow night he's busy. Other than that, he's free. But he isn't thinking very far ahead, mostly just about some party tomorrow afternoon and into the evening."

I nodded, calculating. "Supposed to be bright then, anyway. Thanks, Edward." So, not tomorrow night. Any time but tomorrow night. A wave of sorrow shimmered through the air then, and it felt disturbingly like… "I'll be back." My annoyance rose when he stood to follow me, my shoulders squaring. "You can stay here." _And that really isn't a request, Edward, it's a 'stay here, I'm fine'._ He slid back into his seat, far more slowly than I think I had earned. He was always, always far too suspicious of me. Well. Sometimes, he was just suspicious enough. But still.

I slid off of the railing and dropped from the brick wall, careful not to land too gracefully on the other side. I couldn't mask my abilities entirely, but I could be just a little less light on my feet, just a little less sure. I followed the sorrow, the trail it made clearer than any other. Well, almost any other. I caught her scent soon enough, lingering in her path. I could handle it better like this, when it was only a ghost of what it had been, a frail imprint. Across the band parking lot and behind the baseball field was a little trail, ending in an old picnic bench under some fir trees. I wasn't exactly sure why I had come, even less sure why my ribs seemed to constrict when I saw she was crying. Almost too quickly, I sent her a wave of reassurance, made my way carefully over to the table. Oh, it burned. I swallowed hard, the venom doing nothing to wet my parched throat. It might as well have been sand for all the good it did. I tugged one of the benches out farther than normal, put a little more distance between me and her on the other side. "Hey."

She sniffed, wiped the back of her right hand across her eyes. "Hi." She seemed more relaxed than I had tried to make her, even smiling over at me.

"Are you alright, Alice?" I was not prepared for the jolt I felt when I said her name, not in the slightest. I had never spoken it, had always only thought it, typically with revulsion and frustration. Saying it, however, was something different entirely. An electric shock.

She laughed a little, drew her knees up and rested her chin on them, still very determinedly not looking at me but looking at ease all the same. "Yes and no. It's hard, when you think you know something and it changes. But, if you know something better is coming, you have no right to be angry. Still, there's just this sting in betrayal, even if it doesn't really mean as much as it could have…and I'm sorry I'm not making any sense."

No, she wasn't, but the talking had brightened her mood, I could feel it. "What…changed?" Or was that too personal? Could I ask that? Would she answer? Why the hell did I care? I should just calm her down so she wasn't messing with my nerves, and get out of the way.

Her hand fell to the table, tracing the grains in the old wood. "Everything. But today, Tyson. Or tomorrow, rather." She sighed, let her head fall farther into her knees. "Too much, Alice." She was talking to herself, far too low for me to have been able to hear her, or so she thought.

Too much information? Well, not really it was all very cryptic. Not to mention confusing. But there were bits of it I understood. "Tyson's he's…" I swallowed my distaste, took another deep breath and almost regretted it. The urge was, for a moment, so strong I had to grip the table, but I made it. "Your boyfriend?"

She nodded slowly, took in a deep breath of her own. Hers, of course, didn't cause her pain. Lucky. "Yeah. He is."

I almost snarled. My dislike for boys his age was genuine for a reason. Far too stupid, too irresponsible. In my time, we had become men sooner. Only a man knew how to take care of a woman, and as girls became women so much sooner than boys became men, well…their lack of abilities to do this most important thing right angered me. They caused too much pain. "What's tomorrow?"

I felt a dash of mistrust from her, but it slipped away quickly before I could fully get the full feel of it. "It's going to rain tomorrow. Well, tomorrow night anyway. At that party, the one they're having just outside of town."

My eyebrows rose a little, surprised. "I thought it was gonna be nice tomorrow."

She looked down, hands toying with a bracelet on her left wrist. Silver, very pretty. "Maybe." Her tone implied that she wouldn't put much stock in it, practically none at all.

A burst of happiness from her interrupted my thoughts. It was intense, even more so than the sorrow that had brought me here in the first place. "Do you want to work on the project tomorrow?"

When Harry couldn't? Yes. Yes, but I shouldn't. It was far too reckless. I licked my lips, tasted the air. It was hard, almost impossibly hard, but I wasn't killing her right now. The outside air was helping me, it seemed. As long as we stayed outside, I reasoned, it shouldn't be so bad. If it didn't rain right away, if it was only cloudy… "Maybe." There was still the matter of the sun, but I wasn't so sure about that one. Weather was never an exact science, she could have had a lucky guess. Maybe it _would_ be dark enough tomorrow to meet her. "I'll call you."

"Alright." Her happiness was almost radiant, the last vestiges of tears leaving her. I had no more purpose here, really. I should go. And that shouldn't have made me frustrated, having to go. it should have been a relief. I tapped my fingers rapidly on the bench beside me, thinking. Then, "Are you alright now?"

She grinned, though there still remained a flicker of sadness in her eyes. "I'm fine."

No, not quite. It was still there, and it bothered me. I wanted to erase it. I tossed my head, let my hair fall over my eyes before I looked at her again. "Alice." Her eyes came up to meet mine, and her heart stuttered. Yes, I had gotten good responses for this before. Human women liked it. "If you…if something wasn't alright, you could tell me." I gently forced her to be at completely at ease, completely trusting. I felt a little twinge of guilt at the manipulation, but not enough to be sorry. The sadness was gone from her eyes.

"Thanks." Her voice was a soft whisper, a little awed.

I flashed her a smile, our eyes meeting again. Even under my induced calm, I could feel a spike of lust, and I resisted the urge to grin wider. At least I still knew I could be an effective distraction when I needed to be. "I hope everything turns out alright."

I left her then, walking without a backward glance onto the path and back toward the main school building. When she was sure I was out of earshot I heard her whisper, "So do I."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

It was cloudy Saturday. Edward and Bella had disappeared, and Emmett and Rose buried themselves in the garage, spending most of the morning tuning Bella's rarely used Ferrari. Carlisle had had to go in to work, and I killed time, played chess with Esme for close to four hours, waiting for the rain to start. When it hadn't started by five, I pushed away from the table. "You win. Again."

She laughed a little, gestured back at the board. "No, not yet. You still have a chance, keep trying!"

I smiled, ruffled her hair. I was trying desperately to be casual enough that she wouldn't catch any anxiety. "You're just too good for me. I'm going out. Be back later tonight."

"Hunting? If you wait, Carlisle and I will come with you, if you'd like."

I was glad I was turned away from her by then, as I was unable to stop the grimace that slipped across my face. No. No I most certainly hoped I wouldn't be hunting. "No. Not hunting." I slipped out the door and onto the bike before she could question me again.

I pulled my phone out and dialed while riding, never swerving an inch. She answered on the first ring. "Hello?"

"You want start this thing tonight?" She had to know who I was. No need for introductions.

"Sounds good. Are we meeting at school?" She sounded a little expectant, and for a moment she had me puzzled. Yes, that was exactly my plan, but wouldn't it have been more common to go to her house on a Saturday? To a library, at least?

"Yes. Where you were yesterday." That was, really, the safest. If anything about this could be considered safe in any form. I realized, suddenly, that it would look rather suspicious if I appeared to be pulling all our information out of my head. I would be either way, but I needed a prop. "I can bring my laptop, we can find everything we need there." Which meant I had to swing around back home. If I climbed in my window, I could probably avoid Esme.

"Alright. See you soon."

"Yeah." The phone went dead, but I could still hear her voice, far too bright and cheerful. This was, of course, stupid. But I had never liked being limited, being told what I was incapable of. I could do this, I could beat this, and I could do it on my own terms. Either that, or I would kill her. I gunned the bike faster, swerving between two cars to shoot back into my driveway.

I wouldn't kill her. I just wouldn't.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

I beat her there, of course, which was to my advantage. I took the seat I had yesterday, made sure it was pulled back just the right distance to put just a little more air between us but still leave me able to reach the table easily.

She all but skipped over, radiating happiness. Well, whatever it was about Tyson that had upset her yesterday had faded. He had probably apologized, that was usually all it took. Even if the apology was insincere. "Hey, Jasper."

I opened my mouth slowly, fought the burn. "Hello." Stupid, stupid, stupid. Edward was going to kill me later.

She dropped her notebook on the table, pulled her bench up far too close for her own good. "Alright, I know next to nothing about this, I'll admit. Only that Texas seceded in…" She pulled a sheet of paper out from the front, peeked at it. "1861."

"February 1st." It slipped out before I could catch it, and I watched her eyes widen a little. Well, being a little knowledgeable was alright, but I was going to have to watch it. I pulled the laptop out, shoved it onto the table before switching it on. "Civil War's kind of a hobby of mine." That was a nice way of saying it, I supposed. I couldn't forget it if I tried, so that might make it a hobby.

"That's great. I've always found history so interesting. The progression of it, the decisions that change everything. It's fascinating."

And she _was_ interested, I could feel that and despite the thirst I was glad I came. This sort of infectious happiness mingled with enthusiasm felt very good. I nodded, toyed with the computer and pulled up the Wikipedia page on Texas in the Civil War. I had edited it before, when I was bored, but some idiot usually came along and made it wrong again. Sometimes not though, and at the moment it seemed mostly accurate. I angled it to where she could see, gestured at the screen. "Here, probably all we need. How long does this thing have to be?" I knew, already, but it was part of the human charade. Humans never remembered things like that, especially not in high school.

"4 page paper, 3 minutes talk." She was skimming, taking down some notes. I was being pretty much useless at the moment, but I hoped she didn't notice. I was trying very, very hard to acclimate just a little better, shift just a little closer. So tempting… "…so I'm thinking we can split it up."

Damn, she had been talking. "Sorry, what?"

"The talk. Three of us, one minute each."

"Sounds fair."

She tapped her pen against the screen, eyes lighting a little. "Hey, look here…says Union troops took Galveston in 1862."

"But they didn't hold it long. We got it back New Year's Day, 63." The memory was, for a moment, all I could see, and it was maybe a whole half of a second before I realized I had said 'we'. I swore low under my breath. Yes, I was doing a _great_ job. "Texans like to keep what's theirs." It was true, and I hoped she'd take it as just solidarity with my heritage.

She laughed softly, and I could tell that that was, of course, exactly how she took it. As if she would assume anything else. Most people wouldn't even consider the concept that I could have actually lived long enough to have taken part myself, that I could have been one of the men who brought the New Year in taking back my home town, celebrating the Yank's forced departure into the night…. I shook my head, looked back up at her. "So. What's a Mississippi girl doing in Washington?"

"Probably the same thing a Texan is. I didn't have a choice."

I laughed, and it was easier than it should have been. Relaxed, almost. "Alright, I'll give you that. So, your family, huh?"

"Mmhm. Dad's a college professor. Believe it or not, the job opening at the community college here paid better than the one he was working at back home so…" She shrugged. "We've lived in Forks 8 years now." Suddenly, I felt a spike of anxiety from her, mirrored in a quick twitch of her eyebrows. "Did you call Harry?" She said it took quickly, like there was something else behind the question that I didn't know and couldn't place.

"Yes. He couldn't make it. Something about a big party."

She relaxed, nodded. "Yeah. Him and pretty much everybody else."

"Are you going?" Rose had been interested, if only for the possibility that there might be dancing. She never missed a chance to show off with Emmett.

She tensed, her hand tightening on her pen. "No. I'm not." Her next words were muttered, very low. "Tyson can go by himself."

"Did he want you to come?" She jerked a little, and I realized that maybe I shouldn't have heard that. Ah well. She could think that she had just said it a little louder than she thought.

"Not as much as I thought."

I ran that thought around, curious. The way she had phrased it was strange, her emotions tangled. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"No, it's fine. It's just…" She slammed her notebook shut, turning on the seat to tuck her legs up again, resting sideways against the table, looking at the trees more than me. "It's nothing."

Damn it, she had me curious now. I could hardly resist the opportunity to work the information out of her, especially since I could do it so easily. I sent a wave of persuasion, lowered my voice to be just the right shade between seductive and comforting. "You can tell me."

She sighed, relaxed, deliberated, then… "It's just…I didn't even think he liked _her_."

My eyebrows rose, a little shocked. It clicked rather quickly, though. So. There was someone else. Of course there was. "Her?"

"One of the cheerleaders. Tall, blonde...you know."

Yes, I did know. Having Rose for a sister, I was well familiar with all the lust aimed at her on a daily basis. She loved it, lapped it up like a kitten. She wasn't my type. The tall, leggy blonde had never done anything for me. I liked smaller women, dark haired. Like Maria. Or… I shook my head. "I see. I'm very sorry."

"I shouldn't be telling you this, I wasn't going to."

"I know." I felt a little guilty, sometimes, but it was like Edward with his mind reading. Knowing I had my gift, it was almost irresistible to use it. I hesitated, then… "He broke up with you?"

She shook her head, slow. "No. But I think I'm going to break up with him, after tonight."

"He's meeting her there?"

"Sort of." She had enough anxiety, then, to break through my induced calm, and she turned back toward me, hands falling back to the table. "Really, it's fine. It's just unexpected."

She really did seem more mad than anything else, not at all like the sorrow I had seen yesterday. Well, that was good. Better for her not to care about him, he wasn't worth it. Not in the slightest. Anyone who couldn't appreciate a beautiful woman when they had them, didn't have the common decency to be faithful to her...they didn't deserve anything.

The first drop of rain fell, then. I heard it hit the table to my right, coloring the wood. She saw it too, and we both reached for the computer. My hand got there first, of course, but hers fell on top of mine, covering it. The heat was incredible. But it was nothing, nothing at all compared to the pure electricity of it, a thousand times brighter than anything I would have ever imagined. I heard a soft, sharp intake of breath from her, though she didn't draw away from my cold skin, rather her hand twitched, covered mine a little more fully. The burn in my throat flared, and I moved quickly, shutting the laptop and pulling it toward me, her hand falling away. The contact had lasted perhaps two seconds but I felt marked, branded. As if her hand was still on mine, burning me, though not in any way I minded.

I zipped up my bag as she shoved her papers away, the rain coming down harder now. "Well, so much for that party, huh?"

"They'll take it inside, that old house that belongs to Davis Brown's family." There was a sort of tonelessness to her voice, and in her emotions a hint of…regret? Frustration? As if this were something she both knew, and didn't like. Whatever it was, she fought it back, smiled up at me. "Didn't get much work done, did we?"

I laughed a little, took in a deeper breath. It was much easier with the rain here, clearing the air. "No, we didn't. Monday then?"

Her face fell a little, disappointed. "Not tomorrow?"

No. Not tomorrow. If I was going to come to school Monday, I'd have to hunt tomorrow. Being around her made that an almost constant thing. "Can't, I have plans with my brothers."

"Oh, alright."

We were almost soaked by now, but she didn't seemed to care that much, other than to bring her arms up to fold across her chest, rubbing her arms. "Are you heading over to the party?"

"I don't think so." Too juvenile for my tastes, though I hoped Rose and Em would have a good time if they went. Bella would never let Edward take her, she knew him far too well, knew he would want her to dance with him in public. Even being free of the clumsiness that had plagued her as a human, she still hated being a public spectacle. I drifted away, my eyes still locked with hers. There really was something about her eyes, something mesmerizing…

"Me either. Well, see you Monday, then."

"Yes. Goodbye."

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Of course, it couldn't have been my luck that they would all be upstairs. I slipped in the front door, dripping water onto the marble. I headed toward the living room, intending to plug the computer in to charge beside the couch-

"You know better than to walk on that carpet while you're wet, Jasper Hale." I couldn't help but laugh, even as I sighed at her frustrating ability to know exactly how we were about to harm her furniture before we did it.

"Yes, mom." Ah well, it could wait. I set the bag down by the door, moved to head upstairs to change.

"Hey. You go hunting?"

I had been so focused on Esme, I hadn't noticed Edward at the piano, Bella in his lap. He wasn't playing at the moment, his hands resting on her thighs, eyes watching me curiously. I was almost quick enough, immediately starting a Rolling Stones song in my head, but I knew the moment he knew from the way he moved Bella out of the way. Far more quickly than he usually would have. _Here goes, all hell is about to break loose…_

"That was irresponsible, Jasper!" Yeah, I had expected some yelling. And those words sounded familiar.

"I was fi-"

"You might not have been'fine'! You could have killed her! It was stupid, reckless. Utterly pointless. What the hell were you thinking?"

I glared, my teeth gritting together. "I. Was. Fine."

"At any moment you might not have been!"

That was it. I couldn't stand the self righteous anger pouring off of him, the certainty that I was so much more dangerous than him. It stung, even more because of how right he probably was. "Fine! I'm a monster! Are you happy now, Edward? What are you going to do, tell Carlisle I can't be trusted? Make me leave? Is that what you want?"

He growled, shoulders hunching. "Don't be absurd. You know that isn't it."

"Do I? Because I think I've been doing pretty damn well. I think it's been a long time now that I haven't slipped up at all, I think it's been decades since I even had to worry about taking a snap at someone, and I think I can handle this! And I think you can't accept that, that I'll always be the weak link to you. Especially now."

"We can all make mistakes, I know I almost did."

"Almost. And I didn't treat you like this with Bella, did I?"

"Bella was different."

Of course. Bella was different, that was his excuse for everything. I had noticed the rising level of anxiety from the kitchen doorway, but she didn't speak until I snarled at Edward, my body falling almost into a crouch.

"Boys! Enough!" I expected her to go to Edward, she usually did, but instead she flitted to my side, her arm curving around my shoulders. Well, she at least knew what would hold me back. She rubbed my shoulder soothingly, though her voice was still harsh and angry. "Ease up on him a little, Edward, you're being very hard on your brother."

"He took an unnecessary risk." His words were still hard edged, but I could see his muscles ease, slightly, feel a small decrease in the tension.

Esme looked at me then, stern. "Is this true?"

I held my head up, hands clenched. "I can handle this." And if I couldn't, I would have still been…discreet. We would have been alone. The thought of that drew an inexplicable hiss from my throat, rising without my conscious control. No, I had never intended to hurt her today. That hadn't even been part of the planning. My thoughts flickered rapidly for a moment, jumpy. "I can do this. I won't kill Alice."

Edward gasped, stepped back, the last traces of tension falling from his shoulders. "Jasper…"

"What, Edward?" I searched out his emotions, tried to get a handle on what exactly he had seen in my flickering memories and thoughts that had brought about this change. Incredulity, shock…panic?

"Jasper, you...you're…"

And there was something in his voice, then, that made me put it together. I recoiled, pulling away from even Esme's touch. "No. No, you're wrong."

"I recognize-"

"_No_! Dammit Edward, all I said is I won't kill her! That's no more than Carlisle would say, than-"

"Your thoughts-"

"No!"

"Will somebody _please_ tell me what the hell is going on?" We all jerked, turned to face Bella. It was rare she was this angry, and I felt a flash of agony from Edward.

"Bella, love, I didn't mean to leave you out, I'm sorry, but…" he was still dazed, shocked. "Jasper-"

"You're wrong, Edward."

He ignored me, finished his sentence anyway. "Is falling in love with her."

"Wrong." I hissed, nails digging into my palms. "It's just that I want to be strong enough to not kill her."

He shook his head, slow, almost sad. "No. I recognize it, in your mind. I remember. It's already there. You may not know it, quite yet. But you won't have any choice."

"I don't love her."

"Don't you? I told you, I recognize it, I remember. I heard your thoughts when you said her name."

I could feel Esme's swelling happiness, Bella's shock, and Edward's. And his worry.

"I don't love Alice." And dammit, it had sounded more true when I said 'her'. Her name did strange things to where my heart should have been, my voice wrapping around it in unfamiliar ways. As if it were something I already treasured instead of something I should fear.

"You see? I'm right." His voice was still shocked, but more gentle. Coaxing. "I remember." He took a step closer, hesitantly. "Talk to me?"

I snarled, backed away. "You're wrong." I whirled, almost took the door off its hinges in my urge to get out, away, any place where I didn't have to listen to him. The bike was too slow for what I needed and I took off into the woods at a run, hoping they would be decent enough not to try and follow.

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

Ah, denial…


	5. Inevitable

Wow, my second chapter for the day….I seriously meant to go to bed before this. I'm gonna be so damn tired tomorrow, but I think this chapter was worth it…

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**Jasper**

I ran until I was certain I wasn't being followed, and even then I slowed only a little. He was wrong, so completely wrong. But if I knew that, knew it for certain, what was it that I had felt at the thought of killing her? Preservation of human life had never been that strong, but could I say that I loved her? No. But even at that thought, I could feel something in the back of my mind saying _not yet_.

As if he were right. As if it were something coming, something inevitable. Like a train wreck, or an execution. If it were true, if I really was falling for her, it could only mean bad things. Terrible things. Because in one sense Edward was right about me. I was not the good man he was, no. Not at all. I was the soldier, always the soldier. I was the military mind, always ready to put whatever cause I was fighting for before everything else, always ready for a fight. Even _if_ I could somehow be strong enough to keep from killing her over any sort of length of time, I wasn't right to be anyone's mate, not really. I could never be good enough. I wasn't right for it. I had only recently learned how to love my family, any other kind of love was even more foreign, even more outside of my reach.

I didn't realize my path had taken me to the party until I was almost there, until I could feel the bass of the music in the air, bouncing off my skin. The rain was still falling, hard, and I was even more drenched than before. Still, I had nowhere else to go, and maybe I could find Emmett, get him to leave and come hunting with me.

I made my way into the yard, stepped up on to the covered porch before shaking off some of the water, droplets flying everywhere. It was the laugh that caught my attention, otherwise I would have continued on inside. But something about it, high pitched and so ridiculous, then…

"You wanna get out of here?" The words were slurred, rough, as if he'd been drinking some time. But it most definitely was Tyson, and my temper flared. Stupid, immature son of a bitch.

She giggled again, stupidly. "Maybe. You can't drive."

"Hey, I'm alright. I'm alright." If I hadn't already been so angry at him, I would have rolled my eyes. Humans were so stupid. As it was, I was seeing red and trying to restrain myself from rounding the corner and killing him. At least it wasn't Alice that was here with him, though I would certainly hope she would have had more common sense than to get in the car.

This girl, on the other hand… "Are you sure?" And of course he was going to say yes, he was drunk. Everything would seem easy.

"Hell yeah. I'm alright. Come on, come with me…"

Another laugh. "Just give me a minute, alright? I'll be back." She stumbled around the corner, clearly pretty intoxicated herself. I sidestepped her easily; she didn't even seem to notice me.

Slowly, keeping my anger under careful check, I stepped around to his side of the porch to find him leaning clumsily against the rail and trying multiple times to light a cigarette. He jerked a little when he saw me, stumbling back before weaving back forward, starting up his attempts with the lighter again. "Hey, man."

I gritted my teeth, sure I wasn't capable of polite conversation. He would, in all likelihood, not remember this conversation anyway. "Tyson, isn't it?"

"Yeah. Hey I forgot-"

"Jasper. But that isn't all you're forgetting." I couldn't hold it, was certain he could hear the seething anger.

Apparantly, though, I was wrong. "It isn't?"

"Alice?" Her name came out as a furious hiss, and I knew I was no longer hiding anything if anyone was listening with even remotely sober ears.

His eyes widened a little, and he gave up on the cigarette, dropping it. "Shit, is she here? I didn't think…I didn't…"

"No, you didn't think." Nor could he at the moment, obviously. I bit back a snarl. "And no, she didn't come."

He relaxed then, clearly thinking the danger was over. "Well, man, what she doesn't know won't hurt her, right? I mean, she's a good girlfriend, I don't wanna lose what we have, but she's not…she's just not ready, you know, to take it any farther, and every now and then there's things you gotta do. Just as long as she never finds out." He looked worried then, edged crookedly toward me. "You won't…tell her will you?"

No, but only because she apparently already knew. This didn't exactly seem premeditated, but at the same time he had mentioned other girls, other times. He could have hinted to anyone about what he 'needed', and they could have tipped her off. That had to have been it. "No. There's no need." And he, of course, would take my words entirely differently.

The girl came back then, molding herself to his side. "Ready?"

"Yeah, come on."

My fingers curled around the wooden railing almost hard enough to leave a print, itching to wrap around his neck. Carlisle would have stopped him, let the air out of his tires.

I walked away.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

I wasn't ready to go home, not hardly. My run this time took me in a direction I very stubbornly tried to pretend I wasn't going, until her scent brought me to her house. It was on a dead end street, a cul de sac, right on the end. Two story, simple. Blue, black shutters. It looked old, as if it had stood a very long time and was visibly aged for it. I could hear Metallica playing, and I wondered if it was her brother or her. she didn't exactly seem the type, but then again, I didn't know enough to be sure. In the back of the house, there was a light on in the room on the corner. I could see a ceiling fan turning, and a poster of an actor on the wall. Yes, that had to be what I was looking for.

Or, what I shouldn't be looking for. I should turn around, go home now. Or to Seattle. Or anywhere at all, in fact. But there was an aspen tree close to her window, and it seemed a harmless thing to climb it, to blend into the darkness among the branches. She was laying on her bed in pajamas, curled up on her side, facing the window. She had an mp3 player on, so clearly, the metal was her brothers. And obviously, she didn't particularly like it. She felt…sad, but in a defeated sort of way. It wasn't all encompassing, but it was there. She also felt anxious, as if anticipating something she desired very much, a very nervous tension running counter current to the sadness. Puzzling.

Her hair was wet from the shower, disheveled. I could smell her scent the strongest, but the burn didn't seem quite as bad, and over it I could smell her shampoo, vanilla and jasmine. The difference in the pain was likely due to the window between us, the fresh air outside. I breathed deeply and fought it. _Good practice._

I shook myself out of the thought almost immediately, cursing under my breath. Good practice? For what? It wasn't as if I was going to go along with this ludicrous insanity. Even if, _if_ I was…feeling something, even if this was turning into something unhealthy, it could go no farther. I couldn't let it, not for her sake or mine. I was too dangerous, too dark. And if I did love her, and my past ever harmed her…no, I would never be able to forgive myself.

She yawned, curled up tighter under her blanket, her eyes blinking sleepily. She looked so small in the center of a bed far too large. So small, so delicate. Undeniably beautiful, of course, and my thoughts flew back to Tyson. Such a damn fool, to not know what he had. It took her 20 minutes to fall asleep fully, her breathing evening out, heartbeat slow. The light beside her bed was still on, and after a moments deliberation I leaped across to her window, hanging lightly from the sill until I could slide it open, slip into the room. It was small and fairly warm, and even with the fan to stir the air her scent was almost overpowering. The air of innocence about her while she was sleeping, however, overruled all else, and I held my breath as I crossed to her table and turned out the light.

She stirred slightly, sighing and curling deeper into the bed. I was back out the window before she could have a chance to open her eyes.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

In the end, I didn't go home that weekend. I wasn't ready to face Edward especially, and I was glad when no one sought me out. I hunted on Sunday in the wilderness to the north, then went to a random department store and bought a change of clothes, tossing the others in the first Salvation Army bin I passed.

I was at school almost on time on Monday, though I arrived just late enough to avoid because caught by the others, slipping into my class a good five minutes after the bell had rung. Edward had to be able to hear me by now, but I stubbornly didn't think anything at him, not even to tell him to leave me alone. I didn't take lunch with them either, though I did let them see me. It would have been comical if I hadn't wanted my time alone, the desperation pouring off of every one of them, the pleading in their eyes. Bella, in particular, looked like a kicked dog, though that was probably a comparison I shouldn't have made, considering the way Edward's pleading eyes changed to a glare when he heard it.

I gave him a half apologetic smile, then turned away, looking. They weren't at their usual lunch spot, which would have been enough to tell me something was up even if I hadn't heard. I pretended to wander aimlessly while searching the air for her scent, followed it inside. I could hear their words from a secluded stairwell long before I reached it, though they argued very quietly.

"But how could you, Tyson? How could you do that to me?"

"Baby, I didn't-"

"Don't give me that! Someone saw you!"

He hesitated. I felt his spike in anxiety, and anger. "Maybe he's just jealous, and he made it up so you'd leave me."

Now it was her turn to be puzzled. "He?"

"Yeah, that…that Cullen kid. The blonde one, Jasper."

Her heart went into overdrive, and the confusion and…happiness from her was so loud and mangled it was almost shouting. "No, he's not the one who told me. It was someone else." Her tone was softer, almost as happy as her emotions felt. "But it doesn't matter who told me." And her voice was stern again, though her emotions hadn't changed. "This is over."

"C'mon, Alice, don't be like this." I heard the sound of him moving closer, and I heard her step back, out of his reach. It shouldn't have made me almost glow, but it did.

"No. You cheated on me, Tyson! With…with someone you don't even care about!"

"Exactly, baby, that's why it shouldn't matter…I was drunk, honey, I didn't mean it. It was nothing to me, she's nothing." As if that excused his behavior. As if infidelity in any form could ever be excused. Once again my hands itched to hurt him, my fingers flexing.

"That doesn't make it any better." She sighed, and I could feel a trace of sorrow in her now. "We were always so close, Tyson, even before…I didn't want to have to do this, it's the last thing I wanted. And maybe, someday when it doesn't feel quite so much like hell, we can be friends again. But not now. We can't be anything, right now. I don't want to even talk to you anymore."

"Alice-"

"No. I don't."

I heard some shifting around, her moving away from him again. Then, a spike in his anger. "Fine. Fine, whatever you say." He seemed ready to leave, then, "This is your fault anyway, you know. If things had been what they should have been between us, I wouldn't have had to go looking anywhere else. Think about that."

Her hurt was, for a moment, all I could feel. The urge to shield her from his words, to shake him and make him take it back was overwhelming, smothering. I couldn't breathe, could barely make myself step back into the shadows as he passed. I could feel his triumph then, and if she hadn't been in pain I would have gone after him. To think that it _pleased_ him to wound her so deeply, to think he thought she deserved such treatment…but she was hurting, and I had to focus.

She was crying now, I could tell by her soft, uneven breaths, the scent of salt in the air. "Jasper…"

I knew, then, what he had meant by 'inevitable'. I knew how it felt to truly not have a choice, to be powerless, chained, but not by any bonds I would ever try to free myself from. No. She had said my name so very softly, her inflection making it a plea for help. If I had been able to move, nothing would have kept me from her side. No force would have been strong enough. As it was, I was frozen against the wall, immovable for the moment. I could feel something in me changing, some deep foundation moving that felt as if it had never been shifted before. So, this was how it felt to change after centuries of being set in stone. Not to fall in love, that seemed too light to describe the crushing power of this wave. This was how it felt to take a mate, and though I could read well the devotion of my family members to each other, I had never been present for the actual moment of that change. I wondered what it would have felt like, to me, to feel another go through this. I wondered if it would have been intense enough to bring me to my knees, stronger than a shockwave. I had thought, once, that though I could feel emotions all around me, I was far too damaged to feel the strongest ones for myself. I had come to terms with that, believing that something along the lines of what I had had with Maria would be enough for the rest of my days. I had been so very, very wrong. I could feel _her_ so acutely, feel her presence in my very skin. Living without this seemed not simply unbearable but impossible.

I had never lived, not since the day I was born, not since Maria had changed me, not since I had come to live with Carlisle. No. I had never lived until this moment, and the awakening of it was beyond all understanding. My head was reeling with it, the whole world out of focus.

I could feel the change completing, ending in a very permanent way. I was no longer sure what had been most important to me before, but whatever it had been was now insignificant. She was everything, and every decision must be viewed in that light. Which meant that I had to make my head stop spinning, had to find a way to feel the ground beneath me again, because she was still crying, and I had to go to her.

I pulled myself up from the floor I hadn't even realized I had settled down on, my hands easily gripping the rough brick behind me. I went the final distance quickly, slipping into the stairwell. Her back was to me as she looked out the window, wiping her tears on the sleeve of a very soft looking sweater. "Alice." I had to tone it down, really. There was no way that she would have been unable to hear the pain and adoration in my voice, it was far too plain.

She gasped softly, rubbed harder at the corners of her eyes. When she turned to face me, a soft laugh escaped her. "Why do you always find me when I'm crying?" She shook her head, not waiting for me to finish. "You must think I'm some crazy, emotional-"

"No." And I didn't think, didn't spare any thought at all to my actions but let my instincts rule. I was surprised at how easy it came, reaching out to cup her face in my hands, brush her tears away with my thumbs. Fighting and hunting were the only things that had ever come to me with this ease, but I didn't question it. "No, you're not crazy. And I'm only sorry you're hurting." I soothed her as I spoke, relieved when her emotions evened out. I realized, finally, that I should be ignorant. "What happened?"

She smiled slightly, bit her lip. "I broke up with Tyson. So I guess I shouldn't be the one crying anyway, huh?"

"No, not if he upset you." I could hardly avoid telling her now, not after everything had changed. If it hurt her more, hearing it again, I would beat myself up over it later, I was certain. "I saw him, with her. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner."

She blinked, looked down. "No, it's fine. Someone else did."

But who? They had to have known beforehand..a friend of the girl's, perhaps? But then, why would she tell Alice? And why did I care about the most insignificant part of the whole ordeal? I brushed a last tear away, felt the contrast in the cold liquid and the warmth of her skin. I could feel the crackle that came from touching her buzzing through my palms to diffuse through my entire body, and I tried my best to keep from grinning like an idiot. I was still supposed to be comforting. The bell rang then, and I had never had more hatred for it than I did at that moment. "Dammit." Too fast for her to hear, but she had seen my lips move and her head tilted, curious. "Are you going to be alright?"

"Yeah. I'll be fine." Her eyes locked with mine. 60 seconds, give or take a few, before the halls would start to swarm with people. I could feel the burn in my throat growing hotter, a warning. I had done well, now I should back away. Be safe. But her eyes were holding me, drawing me in, and I gave in, instead, to my new instincts, darting forward to press a kiss to her forehead. If her hand on mine the day before had been a jolt, it was nothing compared to this. I heard her gasp, shift closer to me, but I let her go and all but fled, leaving far too quickly for her to stop me.

It had felt wonderful beyond anything I had ever imagined, and my lips still tingled with the rush of brushing her skin, my heart almost light enough to beat. But the thirst had been almost equally powerful with my lips that close to her pulsing throat, and I wasn't sure if I could have stood another second. I didn't stop walking until I was a few hallways over with several deep breaths of clean air in my lungs. The burn faded, then, but the charge that that brief kiss had left in my body was still very much active. I stopped at my locker, leaned my arm against it and rested my head on it, trying to even out my own emotions and failing miserably.

I knew he was coming before he got there, before I felt his hand on my shoulder. "Now, can we talk?"

Reluctantly, I nodded. "Yes. Alright." I had loved my brother always, and of course I respected him, but I had never imagined needing so desperately to know everything he knew. Thinking it, knowing the reason for it, I could not even feel my pride protest, not really. If it helped her, I would do it, whatever he said.

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Hope you guys still like how this is going. : ) I have most of it planned out now…it's going to be quite long, actually, and don't worry…I've got some interesting plot twists in store for you.


	6. Fate

Sorry this has been so long, again, school responsibilities are kind of insane right now…and I'm still just doing what I can to scrape stuff together right before it's due, lol.

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**Jasper**

I leaned back in the passenger seat of the Volvo, my eyes closing. It was all too much, far too much to absorb. My throat still hurt, but it was no longer the foremost pain. I _needed_ her. Where was she? What was she doing? What other classes was she in? What did she like, other than history? How little I knew about her, ridiculously little. Now, I wanted to know everything.

Edward laughed a little, and I could feel his almost smug happiness. "You know, I never thought this would happen again. It's funny, hearing your thoughts. It reminds me so much of how…" His words trailed off, and I looked over to see him shaking his head, a warm smile on his face. "Of the beginning. My Bella."

"I never knew, not really. I mean, I felt it, but I-"

"Yes, I know. Amazing, isn't it? I think it's rather stronger than the imprinting instinct, to be honest. I've been inside the minds of imprinted wolves and while the draw is incredible, I believe our kind have them thoroughly beat. You'll have to get used to it now, she will always be in your thoughts."

"I don't mind." My voice was an awed whisper, thrilled at the thought. Of course she would always be on my mind, always foremost. It was only right.

"No, you never will."

I stared for a moment through the windshield, focused up on the school. Doing this from a distance was harder, and I started with a signature I knew. Emmett was…well, thinking of Rose, apparently, and I switched off of his mind quickly, not at all interested in the lust. She was a little harder to find, but _there_ it was. When I felt her happiness I relaxed, basked in it. Her happiness felt better than any other I had ever sensed, more complete, more transforming.

Edward sighed, and the sadness from him then was enough to distract me. "Edward?"

"Forgive me. I was…listening to how her emotions felt, for you. I had always wondered if it would be like that, stronger, better. I've always wondered how…how it would feel to hear her mind. I think I understand now, and it's more than I thought I was missing." His tone was wistful, so full of longing. "I would give almost anything to hear it, just once."

I fully appreciated, now, how annoying that must have been for him, not being able to get any sort of read on her. Our gifts became another sense to us, as integral as our sight or smell. If I had not been able to feel her emotions, I would have, I knew, been furious. "I don't…want her blood as much as I did."

"No, and you never will again. But the danger is still there, and unless something happens to break you of it, you must be careful." His voice had turned stern, serious. "Very, very careful."

"What…'broke' you of it?"

Reflexively, I soothed his agony before I could even turn to look at him, my hand reaching out to catch his arm, to control the pain better through contact. He shuddered, lips pressing together into a hard line. Maybe I shouldn't have asked, maybe I shouldn't have brought it up at all…

He shook his head, though he shuddered again. "No. The memories are, however, far too strong to think of it comfortably. Even now. It took thinking I had lost her forever. When she came to me, I didn't even notice it for an hour or so, but I didn't even want it anymore…it wasn't an option. It still hurt, sometimes, but all desire to act on it had vanished, and there was no danger anymore. I could even handle her bleeding, after that..." He smirked, chuckling. "Which turned out to be a very good thing, because sometimes I just couldn't catch her in time. You know, I don't really _miss_ the clumsiness, I couldn't be happier that she can't hurt herself now, but all the same there was something so endearing about it. I'm very glad I can at least remember it clearly."

So. That was how he had learned. My whole body chilled at the thought, my hands clenching into fists. Even the thought of anything happening to her… No, no matter how useful the lesson, I didn't want to have to learn it that way. I could fight the darkness, if I needed to. I could remember it so clearly, that time when he had left her, the series of miscommunication that had landed him in Italy, trying for suicide. Bella had jumped from a cliff on the beach in La Push, and though Jacob had rescued her she had been taken to the hospital where the doctor had a contacted Carlisle, as he had been the one to treat her last head injury. Rose had overhead the phone call, but only the discussion on how she had jumped. Wanting Edward home, she had decided it would be best to break the news to him then, to make it quick. And considering Charlie had been at the funeral of a friend, well… Just a series of very bad events.

Thinking of them, I was reminded of another one of those very bad events, the one that had set Edward's overactive conscience off and sent him running in the first place. Even then, it hadn't been his fault. It had been mine. Any joy that I had felt after realizing everything she was to me vanished, all my hopes shattered. I wanted, now, nothing more from life than to be her mate, to love her always. To hold her, to be there for her when she needed me…

It was all a fantasy, dreams I could never have. I had let myself forget that most crucial of all facts, there for awhile. I had forgotten who I was, what I was. I could feel it, the cold that came as I was plunged into that understanding. If any of us were a monster, I was. And I could never, ever allow myself to bring her down to my level, not when she deserved so much more than that.

"Jasper." His voice was calm, patient. As if he were talking to a five year old. "As I recall, you never understood my hesitation in changing Bella. Not once I knew how I loved her."

I shook my head frantically, but was for a moment beyond words. I swallowed, structured my thoughts. "It isn't…no, I have no problem with that." I wasn't hung up on souls like Edward. Either we had them or we didn't, but either way mine was shot to hell. And it didn't concern me enough that I would ever worry about hers. No, that worry was so minor it was almost laughable, so insignificant when compared with the larger picture. She was…she was Alice. She was everything good. Strong, certainly, but not in the way that I was. She came by her inner strength honestly, from depth of heart.

I, on the other hand, was beyond tarnished, beyond damaged even. The marks left on me by decades of war were as equally scarring on the inside as the marks on my skin. She deserved much better than me.

"You've always been too hard on yourself, Japser you-" His voice was so tried, still so patronizingly calming. I couldn't take it.

I pulled them up then, the memories I hadn't even let him see. I skimmed through quickly, letting him see a wide range, lingering on the worst parts. I remembered slaughtering a group of year old newborns, let him feel the mechanical nature of it, let him hear the screams and feel that I felt nothing. I remembered sneaking into the bedroom of a child in Mexico City, remembered the way he felt in my hands as he struggled until his blood was drained. He had seen Maria lift something she shouldn't have, and while he had seemed to think nothing of it, she had wanted him to die. I was her right hand, always. Ah, and Maria, there was always that. The memory of the reward I had received for killing the child, one day among hundreds I had spent with her. The insane relationship we shared that was nothing like love and hate but was instead a strange mix of hate and respect and lust. I followed her because I was a soldier; it was ingrained so very deeply in me to follow orders without question. I took her 'rewards' because she was beautiful, intense, strong, and it kept me in her favor. She had wanted me from the moment she saw me, and for years I did not mind being her favorite pet, a glorified guard dog. I could see it more clearly now, of course, could see that that was all that I ever was. Her pet, her weapon. I could feel disgust at my actions now, but it was far too late to change them, far too late to change the fact that the man I had been then and the man I was now were still not so very different, no matter how far I had come. Just as part of me would always be Confederate Major Whitlock, part of me would always be her head of security, her captain. Her assassin.

I took a deep breath, shaking a little from the power of the memories. Seeing them, dwelling on them had confirmed what I had already realized. There was too much darkness in me. I did not deserve her, and there was no hope that I ever could. That stupid human boy, for all his faults, he deserved her more than I did. I was nothing more than a tamed killer, and it was laughable that I had ever for a moment entertained the idea that I could be anything else, that I could actually be capable of being her mate in the conventional sense. No. I could watch over her, always, and I would have to because I would not be able to bear not knowing. But I could not be any closer than that.

I heard Edward take a deep breath, felt his uneasiness as he sifted still through my memories. No, he hadn't known it was that bad. He was a little shocked, looking at it all for the first time. Good. I had done my job, then. If I could make him understand-

"You're still wrong, Jasper." he tapped his fingers slowly on the steering wheel, thinking. "The things that you did, in Mexico, that part of your life is over. Yes, you have demons that I don't have and can't fully understand. But the reason they pain you the way they do is because of the good man that you are, and that overshadows everything else. You can do this. You were meant to."

"Then someone fucked up, because I can't do this."

"Carlisle believes God-"

"And as much as I respect our father I'm not sure I believe in God, Edward, because no God would bring me to her. Except as punishment, and she can have done _nothing_ this bad." And even if this was punishment for her, I wouldn't go along with it. No way in hell.

He froze, then struck with all the speed of a snake, hand clamping around my wrist. "Don't leave her, Jasper. I made that mistake; I won't let you make it." His voice was hard, deadly serious and I knew he meant it. He would stop me with force, if necessary.

"That was different, Bella loved you." My chest ached as I said the words, something inside clawing with the desire to know how that would feel, the certainty that she loved me… But no, I couldn't think it, I shouldn't.

"I have seen her in your memories, Jasper, I'm not certain that she doesn't-"

"She doesn't love me, Edward she-"

"She said _your_ name!" He snapped, yelling at me in a voice that was almost a snarl. I should have known better than to even consider leaving her around him, should have known what a sore point this would be. "Yes. You should know better. But you should also know that I'm right, on this. And I don't want to see you make my mistake, because you'll never forgive yourself, Jasper." His voice quieted, taking on that hollow tone I remembered far too well. There had been nothing I could do for him, nothing that would comfort him. The pain had been intense beyond all understanding. "You'll never forgive yourself, not as long as you live. You'll be forced to live with the fact that you almost killed the one you love…and believe me, whatever self hatred you feel right now, it has nothing on that. And even _that_ pain is laughable if you compare it with actually losing her. It could happen, you know. I was simply lucky. It could have been too late."

I took a deep breath, focusing before I spoke. "All the same. I don't believe it's far enough, yet, that she would care that much." It hurt, saying it, but it was still true. I would be the only one hurt, now.

"You don't know that."

"You don't know I'm wrong."

He sighed, pinched the bridge of his nose hard. "Alright, we can solve this rather simply. I'll listen to her, and I promise to tell you the truth." He sighed again. "The whole truth, even if you're right. Even though I don't want you to go, if she would truly be alright, I will tell you."

I hesitated, thinking it over. He was right, in a sense. I had seen the aftermath of what leaving Bella had done to her, to Edward, to their relationship…

"Yes. Alright." But he was going to be wrong, and I couldn't hope otherwise. It would be better that way, for her sake. I shouldn't be hoping that he would find anything, shouldn't be hoping that I meant anything at all to her.

No matter how angry with my own lack of emotional control it made me, I couldn't stop it. I couldn't stop hoping.

''''''''''''''''''''''''

"Come on, Jasper, if this is going to work, I want to make sure her thoughts are going to be on you first. It won't kill you to come outside."

No, but it might kill me to see her, if this was going to be the last time for a long time. It would be harder to leave, then, much harder. Still, he had a point, and I could see that if I didn't play along none of this would get anywhere. Sighing, I stepped outside into the courtyard, took a seat by Rose at the table. "Happy?" I muttered it darkly, stabbing at Rose's tray with a fork hard enough to shatter the plastic.

"Very. Act normal. And wait."

Rose scoffed, tossing her hair over her shoulder. "Act normal? Jasper? He doesn't know how."

I rolled my eyes, nudged her with my elbow. "Yeah, and I missed you over the weekend too."

"Where were you?"

"Everywhere you weren't. Where's Emmett?"

"Still getting his food. And I still think you're both insane. It's like watching a cheetah fall in love with a gazelle, it's ridiculous. Why can't you stick to your own species?" Her distaste was clear, and though I knew she was right, my temper flared.

"Yeah? Like you did? So you should have let that bear kill Emmett, should have keep looking 'within your own species'? Well that's a shame, I'll have to tell him you made a mistake." I knew, about halfway through, that I was pushing her a little too far but I couldn't help it. I had kept my anger directed largely at myself, but now that I had an outlet, I hadn't been able to let it go. She was trembling, almost snarling and I caught her arm quickly, wincing as she reached over with her other hand and dug her nails into my arm hard enough to hurt. "Wait. You can fight me when we get home, I won't deprive you of that." I took the edge off both of our tempers, felt her grip relax. "And, for what it's worth, I know you love Emmett. I just thought you deserved a taste of your own medicine." I pushed away from the bench before she could answer, focused my attention for the first time on Edward. He was…

Happy. No, that wasn't right. _Ecstatic_. And grinning. It could only mean one thing, and I would have been lying to say that I didn't take that joy and magnify it a thousand times, my throat closing up with the power of it. She loved me? Could I really be so lucky? Or, rather, could she really be that cursed? I growled, hands coming up to rub my temples angrily. I shouldn't be happy, I should be furious, I should be terrified. I couldn't do this, I was the last person on earth cut out to love anyone and she…

"She loves you, Jasper. Desperately. But there's…there's so much more than that, this is incredible it's…." He was grasping for words, and I could feel the awe rolling off of him now, intermixed with the happiness. "she is the greatest prospective talent I have seen since Bella, perhaps…." He shook his head, laughing. "Incredible."

"Please, feel free to continue being confusing as all hell."

He laughed harder, shoulders shaking. "I'm sorry, but this is…" he trailed off, his eyes widening farther, a frustrating mix of shock and awe in his emotions. "Fascinating."

"Edward." I growled, pacing behind him. "You're getting annoying."

He grinned, teeth flashing. "Sorry, sorry. She…this really is incredible."

And he was enjoying prolonging my agony. Good for him.

"No, I'm not. Well, alright, a little. But only because I know I'll tell you in a minute, and because I know you've already decided to stay."

I cocked my head at him curiously. Yes, I was staying. I couldn't leave like this, not if it would hurt her. But I hadn't exactly thought that either. So how did he-

"I know, because she knows." His eyes sparkled, and he leaned forward on the bench, elbows resting on his knees. "She sees things, Jasper. She can see the future."

Well, that one I wasn't expecting. "…what?"

"Shocking, isn't it? I would have had a hard time believing it if I hadn't seen it in her mind, the visions she's had, the things that have come true…" He waved in my direction, and I felt a little smugness seep into his emotions. "She knew about you before you did, knew from the moment she saw you. Her visions seem largely random, she at least has found no trigger for them and she can't summon them at will though I believe that would change if she became one of us. She did, however, see something about you just now, and I knew you weren't going anywhere."

I still hadn't recovered from the shock that she could know the future, that she had known about me from the very beginning. If she had known, then that meant Carlisle had to be right, I would have had to have been meant for her, because I certainly hadn't known, not from the beginning… But at the moment, there were questions I needed to ask. "What did she see, just now? We were together?"

He chuckled, stood from the bench. "Yes. I hope you like dancing."

"Dancing?"

"School dance, next Friday. Apparently, you're going."

Dancing? Honestly? I hadn't danced since…well, sometime when I was human, at some party of my family's. I could barely remember the way the room had looked, the myriad colors of hoop skirts, my own disinterest in most of the women. I had found no lady worth courting, yet, but I had hoped that when I came home from the war, that would change. But I had never come home, and that had been my last dance. Over a century before. I barely remembered it, true, but still it didn't really seem like my thing…why would she see me asking her? I mean, I would if she really wanted it, but…

"You never pay attention, do you? Look." Edward grabbed my shoulders, wheeled me around to face the building, pointing to the neon yellow paper on the door, printed with black writing.

Oh. Girls choice. _Oh_. "And did you get the chance to see why I said yes?"

Edward laughed, releasing me to return to Bella's side. "Do you really have to ask? Wait until she asks you, then try to say no. Actually please do, I'd love to watch. That should be entertaining. She's rather annoyed with you already, you know. You're moving far too slow for her tastes."

"Ah, go to hell." But I didn't mean it, and it was clear in my voice. A good thing, because I already had Rose angry at me, I didn't really want both my sisters at my throat. For a moment, I almost sat down beside Bella to talk, to be part of the family again. I had been even more distant than usual lately, and her feelings especially were easily hurt. But _she_ was sitting alone, and according to Edward, she loved me…

It wasn't even hard enough to be classified as a decision. I was at her side quickly, folding my legs to sit cross-legged on the bench beside her. "Feeling better today?" I knew it already of course. She felt fine, happy now that I was with her. I think a part of me had known all along that Edward was right. It was right here, interwoven in the happiness I felt from her every time she saw me. It wasn't as clear yet as I knew it would be with time, as she grew more comfortable with it, but it was there.

"Much better, thank you."

"Mm. So…how did you meet him anyway?" I wasn't sure why I asked, but I couldn't stop myself. I was far too curious as to how that…that fool had ever gotten _her_. Honestly, I wanted to know what it was about him she had liked, because in knowing that, I might have some idea of what I should do. As much as I didn't want to be like _him_, I wanted very much to know what drew her in.

She leaned back against the brick wall to face me, one leg hanging off the side of the bench. "We've known each other ever since we were kids. He was the first friend I had when I moved here, the only one that would talk to me at first. I never really made any other friends, either, other than my brother...and Tyson was always around. He's a good guy, really…or at least, he used to be. I think he'll turn out alright, someday."

I nodded rigidly, suddenly worried. She talked about him fondly, lovingly. Far too fondly, I thought. Maybe Edward wasn't as right as he thought he was, maybe…. "Will you forgive him?" I did well, I thought. I could barely hear the tight bitterness in my own voice, and I was almost certain she wouldn't hear it at all.

"I'm sure I will, someday." Her voice was gentle, and for a moment I could feel something inside me starting to shatter. She slid closer then, and I stopped breathing to deal with her sudden closeness. "But will I ever be in a relationship with him again? No, never. He wasn't right for me anyway, and I sort of already knew that. It would have ended anyway, even if this had never happened."

The relief I felt then was weakening, almost a physical force. I probably shouldn't have doubted her, but I couldn't help it. I didn't like the way she talked about him, but I felt better hearing this confirmation from her that she would not take him back. Even the thought brought a growl to my throat that I swallowed quickly, harshly. I had to behave, to control the instincts I didn't want her to see, and that was certainly one of them. I nodded, though I didn't look at her.

"Jasper?"

I could feel my heart leap, the jolt drawing air into my lungs. My throat burned, and I clenched my hands tighter, but the burn almost didn't matter. I loved the way she said my name. I could have listened to it forever. "Yes?"

"Are you busy on Friday?"

She didn't sound nervous, but according to Edward she already knew her answer. Of course, she wouldn't be nervous. "No."

"Would you come to the dance with me?"

I looked at her then, and even _if_ I had entertained turning her down (and honestly, I hadn't), I never could have. Those beautiful blue eyes of hers were both pleading and sparkling as she looked up at me, and she looked so small beside me, her hand next to mine on the bench only half its size. She was adorable, and she was utterly irresistible. "Yes?" It came out as a question, betraying more of my uncertainty than I had intended.

She laughed softly, grinning. "Good."

The bell rang, calling us back in to class. I rose quickly, then paused, thinking. Was I strong enough? Could I actually touch her? I took a breath hesitantly, found that I could do it without wincing. Well…it seemed safe enough. I held my hand out to her, still hesitant though my movements were far too fast for her to have noticed even an instants hesitation.

Her eyes widened and her hand came up slowly, carefully coming to rest in mine. "Thanks." She stood equally carefully, and once she was at my side I did not let her go. "Does this mean…" she seemed uncertain now, and I resisted the urge to laugh at her. So, some of her confidence left her when she hadn't seen the situation beforehand.

"It means whatever you want it to mean." I meant the words honestly. If she wanted us to be together now, then we were. I was almost certain that it was what she wanted, but even if it wasn't I could hardly keep from touching her, now. The technicalities were all up to her.

"Then we're…" She still didn't finish the sentence, and this time I couldn't help a low chuckle, though I hoped fervently that she couldn't hear.

"I'm sure that technically, you should have longer to mourn the loss of your last relationship but as that doesn't seem to bother you-"

"Not in the slightest." Her fingers tightened on mine, and I smiled, squeezed her fragile hand ever so gently.

"Then we are. Whatever it is that we were talking about anyway." I smirked at her, enjoying the flash of annoyance I felt from her at my words.

"Jasper-"

"Shh, we're gonna be late. Come on."

''''''''''''''''''''''''

_I'm skipping English, and I won't be riding home with you, Edward._ I couldn't hear his response, of course, but I was certain that he heard. I slipped into the woods on the edge of campus and broke into a run, heading home. The brief contact I had had with her had thrilled me, maybe a little too much. Maybe it was reckless, but I wanted this, and while I wasn't screwing up, I thought I might as well keep going.

It was practically no time at all until I was slowing in front of the house. Esme was there in front, planting bulbs for the next spring. She stood up quickly, brushing dirt off on her jeans. "Jasper, honey!"

I flashed her a smiled, slowed fully to a walk as I changed direction and came toward her. "Hey, mom."

I could feel her mix or worry and relief, and I wasn't at all surprised that she wrapped her arms around me as soon as I was close enough. "Are you alright, sweetheart?"

"I'm fine."

I could feel that she didn't believe it, and she pulled back, reaching up to brush my hair away from eyes. "You and Edward haven't been fighting again, have you?"

"No, mom. We talked yesterday, everything's alright. I'm not angry at him."

Her eyes sparked, her lips beginning to twitch into a smile. "Then he's right?"

I sighed, rolled my eyes. "You're both impossible."

"Oh, Jasper!" She flung her arms around my neck this time, tried to pull me down to squeeze me properly. "You boys are all just too tall." Mock annoyed, but she was laughing and I swept her up, raising her up to my level.

"Better?"

"Jasper!" She ruffled my hair and we laughed together for a moment before I saw her eyes turn serious, unwilling to let the conversation go. "But how are you taking everything? You were so upset on Sat-"

I covered her lips, gave her a smile that was mostly natural. "I'm fine, Esme. Don't worry." I brushed a swift kiss across her forehead before setting her down, darting quickly to my bike by the garage and swinging onto it.

"Are you… You're going to change her?"

I froze, hands tight on the handlebars.

"I'm sorry, but I did talk to Edward last night, and he believed that she really is your mate, and if she is…"

If she is, then there are only two choices. Try the insanity he did, or change her. At the time, I had thought Edward waited far too long to change Bella, and my opinions on that fact hadn't really changed. So, where did that leave me? Changing her, a subject I had very carefully avoided. It was too much to think about at once, way too much. I had just found her, I wasn't ready to think about any other changes, honestly. And how would I even tell her? How did you even begin a conversation like that? _I'm in love with you, Alice. And by the way, because of that, I have to bite you._ Yeah, that wouldn't be a weird conversation at _all_. I swallowed back the venom in my throat that rose at the thought, and I instantly found the fault in my words. She needed to be changed, yes, I could agree on that. But I couldn't be the one to do it, no matter how much I wished I could. Edward had changed his Bella. It was his venom that had coursed through her veins, his that had marked her, changed her, made her his forever. It was stupid, perhaps, but an attractive thought, more to me than it had been to him, though he had certainly felt the draw. I was more in touch with our instincts, with the urges particular to our kind. And as my mate, it would mean a great deal to me if she were mine in every sense. Still, I couldn't even think it. It wasn't an option, and it never could be. No matter how far I had come, in that one respect I was utterly deadly. I could not taste human blood and resist it. Not with a typical human, and certainly not with her. It was beyond out of the question.

"Jasper?" She had come to my side while I was thinking, her hand curving over my shoulder. "Please, don't be angry at me. I was only-"

"I'm not. No, you're right, of course I have to. I want to. But as for when…" I'd have to talk to Carlisle, the sooner the better I supposed. And hope that when I told her everything, she didn't hate me. "I don't know. " I kicked the stand up, coaxed the engine to roar to life. "I'll be home tonight, later."

She said nothing else, but I could feel her worry trailing me as I drove away.

'''''''''''''''''''''

My entrance was a little more spectacular than it probably needed to be, but I wanted to make her smile. I pulled the bike right up to the sidewalk behind the school, leaning on my left leg and letting it idle while I watched. I could feel the awe surrounding me as the other students milled past on their way to their buses or cars, barely noticing the ones that stopped and stared. Several of the boys were practically drooling, and I would have been laughing at their jealousy if I could spare them enough attention to care.

The only person I was interested in took her time, but I wasn't disappointed by the look on her face when she came out the doors. Her eyes widened in total shock, but that only lasted as long as it took me to jerk my head back, summoning her toward me. Her smile was absolutely brilliant, and I was glad I had thought to do this. I could my very skin warm at the sight. She all but ran the distance to me, breathless as she reached out to touch the bike. "Really?"

"Really. Get on."

She climbed up eagerly, arms wrapping around my waist. Unless it was tactics, I had never been one for really thinking things through and this was certainly one of those things. I was used to pull of her blood, the draw of her scent. What I wasn't used to were the more human cravings, the ones I had not indulged in years, not since I had left Maria. The feel of her warm body pressed against me from behind, her legs falling to the outside of my hips, her hands on my stomach, all of it was both familiar and new. New, because nothing with Maria had ever felt this intense, this strong. My whole body flamed with it, my hands tightening until my knuckles were pure white. Well, this was something I would have to get used to as well, it seemed. Ironic, that in my desperation to ward against the desire for her blood I had all but forgotten _desire_ itself. An emotion that, like all others, was stronger for our kind than it was for theirs. Considering that desire in any form was one of the strongest urges, that really was saying something. I took a deep breath, forced my grip to loosen. "Are you ready?"

"Yes!"

I focused on her happiness, drank it in. It felt wonderful beyond description, and it helped calm me. "Hold on tight, then. And you'll have to tell me where I'm going."

I could feel her nod, and she took to her task enthusiastically, leaning forward to give me directions I didn't need. The feel of her warm breath on my neck was something else new, equally wonderful. I wished she would have kept talking, but at the moment conversation was failing me, and I didn't really know what else to say. Far too quickly, I was pulling up in front of her house, gliding to a stop in front of the mailbox. "Have fun?"

"That was incredible!" She slid off, laughing, and I noted with pleasure that she clung to my arm just a little longer than necessary. "Thank you, Jasper."

The thought of her thanking me for that was almost laughable, considering I should be thanking her for even letting me speak to her, much less anything else. I looked down, away from her far too honest eyes. "Tomorrow morning?"

A wave of anxiety hit her then, and my chest constricted. Maybe she didn't want to spend that much time with me. If not, that was fine, I could back off. I could do whatever she needed. "I…I would love that, so much, but I need to ask a favor of my brother and I think…" I felt her genuine fear and my head jerked up, eyes meeting hers. Yes, she was terrified. Why? If he even thought of hurting her, I'd snap his neck. But she didn't need to know that.

"Is everything alright, Alice?"

"Fine, I just…he won't want to do it, and I think it'd be better if I let him drive me tomorrow."

I nodded, trying my damndest to pretend I couldn't feel her fear. I'd be following them closely tomorrow, on foot. If I could feel anything approaching a dangerous level of violence from him, I could get her safely out of there. "Alright then."

"But…maybe tomorrow afternoon…" She felt worried, afraid I would turn her down. As if I ever could.

"Of course." I smiled for her, the one I already knew she liked best. Her heart stuttered, and I felt a measure of relief. At least for the moment I could make her happy. "Have a good night, Alice." I would probably be back to check on her in a few hours, just in case. Though perhaps hunting would be smarter.

"You too."

I revved the engine, watching her in my side mirrors as I pulled away. She watched at least until I was around the corner, and I had the feeling she kept watching long after that.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

He wasn't in his office when I got there, like before. This time, I was calm enough to sit down in his chair, elbows resting on the arms, my fingers tapping together absently. I wasn't any more knowledgeable, really, than I had been before. Clueless, in a sense. There really was no immediate way I could see to break the news, no way to know if she'd run screaming or accept me, accept us. What was natural? Was she, as Carlisle believed, destined to be my mate? If so, would that make her take to us easily, as Bella had? Should we do as he had with Esme, give her no choice but simply start the change, explain to her afterward? No, I didn't really like that. It would work, I was sure. She would have to accept it, if it was forced on her. Still, it made me uneasy. I didn't like the way the thought felt, the almost sickening guilt that came with it. Even if she probably wouldn't say no, she deserved the right to. And if they were wrong about fate, then the possibility that she would say no would be exponentially higher.

The door slid open suddenly, and I looked up, absolutely calm now that I was sure of at least part of what I would ask.

"Jasper?"

"Carlisle. We need to talk." I took a deep breath, calmed his anxiety. "I have a favor to ask of you."

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And we'll see their conversation next time…because it's a good stopping place, and this chapter is already longer than normal, lol


	7. Belief

Ok, for the millionth time, wrote this while needing to study for a test…this is SUCh a bad habit of mine. LOL but I am going to study now so…yeah. At least I got done somewhat on time. this chap ends MUCH sooner than I thought it would, mostly because it was already pretty long and I decided the rest of the stuff I had planned for this chapter just didn't really fit…and I found a good stopping place.

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**Alice**

_Come on, come on, come on…anything…anything at all….Damn it. _

It had never worked before, but I couldn't help trying to induce one of my visions. I had tried it so many times, but it was really pointless. I guess that was, in a way, asking too much. I mean really, I was impossibly lucky that I ever say anything at all, it was probably greedy to want to be able to choose what I saw. Still, I really really couldn't help it.

If only I knew how my conversation with Billy would play out if I tried it in the morning; if it would work differently if I tried it that afternoon, after band practice. Conversations with him were always a war these days. It was worse with him than with my parents, honestly, because we had always been so close. I was his sometimes annoying shadow, and he was my absolutely incredible big brother, and no matter how we had fought over the years I could never remember a dispute that had lasted more than a day. We worked things out well, always, and even if one of us was hiding something from mom or dad we could always count on each other to tell the truth.

Which was why my visions had hurt him so badly, and why his behavior had hurt me in return. He thought I was lying, even to him, that I was pulling some crazy, stupid, attention grabbing stunt. I, on the other, knew I wasn't lying, and his inability to believe me left a hole in my chest I couldn't quite fix. I wanted to not care quite so much, and it had gotten better, but I still couldn't help it. I had always loved having a brother to count on and it was so much harder than I would have ever thought to lose him like this.

My phone buzzed across the surface of my desk, drawing me out of my thoughts. I launched across my bed, reaching over to pull it up, read the lit screen. Maybe, maybe…oh. No, it was Tyson. I sighed, pulled the phone into my hand and pushed a button on the side, felt the vibrations stop. I didn't think I was ready to talk to him, really. Of course, I was much less hurt than I should have been, much less hurt than I would have been if I would have been in love with him. But though I did love him, I had never been in love with him, and once I got over the initial betrayal it was surprisingly bearable. Especially since I had Jasper, now. No matter what had or hadn't happened between us yet I knew it, more surely than I had ever known anything. This would have been the one thing I would have been willing to bet on even without my visions. It was beyond certain, far deeper than that. It was something I could feel every time he touched me, a blinding spark that left my skin burning despite his cold skin, something I could feel in the almost frantic pull that had taken root in my chest, a pain that only lessened now when I could see him, lessened further the closer I was to him.

The phone in my hands vibrated again. Well, he was nothing if not persistent when he wanted to be. I flipped the phone open. "I'm not talking to you, Tyson."

"Alice, wait. Just hear me out for a minute, ok?" I was silent, holding the phone out in front of me rather than to my ear. "Alice?"

"I didn't hang up, did I?"

I heard him take a deep breath, heard his soft laugh. "No, no you didn't. Alright, most importantly, I'm sorry for what I said yesterday. It was stupid, and I was angry, and…well, I didn't mean it, Alice. You know I didn't."

I did, really. Like I had told Jasper, he wasn't a bad person. "Apology accepted."

"And I'm sorry for…for what happened with her."

I paused, eased the phone closer to hold properly. "That'll take longer, so skip it for now. Cause right now, you're still a jerk."

"I know." He sounded a little pained, and I could hear him almost start a couple of times before he found the right word. "Do you think we-"

"No."

He sighed, long. "Yeah. I didn't think so."

He sounded so defeated, and I didn't like it. He would be alright, I didn't want him to think he wouldn't. "Come on. You know we…I'll forgive you, Tyson, and we'll be friends again. I know that, and you do too. But this…it just wasn't really working. I think you know that."

"I hoped it would."

I smiled, enjoying his sincerity. "Yeah. Yeah, me too. But it didn't, for either of us, and we'll be ok."

"So. Jasper, huh?" His words were tight, but I could still hear the sincerity there, his genuine desire to make things something like they used to be between us.

"Yes. But he isn't the one who told me, Tyson. Really."

"Yeah, ok. I believe you. Still…moved in pretty fast. And we don't really know anything about this guy."

I rolled my eyes. "Don't worry, you've already taught me what a creep acts like." I snapped it a little harsher than I intended and I winced, took it back. "Sorry. That was low, huh?"

"Eh, it's ok. Probably only fair, right?"

"Yeah. Anyway, he's not…" What could I say? What did I really know about Jasper? Nothing I could put into words, certainly. I knew only that he wouldn't hurt me, that I was assured of that fact. But I didn't know it in a way I could explain to Tyson, or anyone else. "He's a good guy."

I could hear him shuffling around in his car and I looked at the clock. 7. He was on his way to work. "Let me ask you one thing, mija."

I smiled, leaned back against the wall. I was glad, now, that I had answered the phone. I loved this side of him. Talking easily with him, listening to his warm, familiar voice. "One thing only, I'll hold you to that."

"I can handle that." He was smiling now, too. "You wanted this. You wanted him. From the first day."

It wasn't even really a question, and not for the first time I wondered if he was more observant than I gave him credit for. "Yeah. Yeah, I did."

"Yeah, ok. I thought, maybe. I mean I didn't, at the time. Anyway, alright. I understand. I hope he's what you think he is, Alice." His voice was a little tighter again, now, and I knew it would likely be a long time before he completely accepted what I knew we could both already see. Things were better, like this. I only wished he could see it as clearly as I could.

"He is. But you're almost to the store, you have to go."

"Yes."

"I still haven't forgiven you."

He laughed, almost natural. "I know. Does it help if I say it really was stupid? And that she's an airhead?"

"Honey, I already knew both of those things. But thank you all the same. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

I clicked the phone shut, let it fall from my hand to the bed. Well, at least we had made a step forward. He wasn't as upset as I had feared, and that brought me more relief than I could say. As much of an ass as he had been, that past week and who knew how many other times, he was a good friend. I wanted him to be happy too.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''

I was waiting for Billy in his truck when he came out, not surprised in the least at the look on his face when he saw me. It was that 'what is _she_ doing here?' look that he gave me every time he saw me now. After that last time he had yelled at me at school for saving his life(though clearly, he didn't see it that way), he hadn't spoken to me at all. I was tired of flinching.

"Sorry, Billy. I needed a ride."

He nodded, though he slammed the back door when he threw his bag in. I hated this. I hated everything about it, and I wished I didn't need to ask him for anything. It hurt too much, it was just too hard. But if I was going to that dance with Jasper, then I needed to find the dress I had seen in my vision. Of course, I needed a new one anyway, nothing I had would do for _this_ occasion, and while I didn't have much money…well, I'd figure it out somehow. I had seen it, I must be able to find it. It was a beautiful cobalt blue, simple, uneven on the bottom with a beautifully black edged fringe. It had looked great on me. And besides needing it for myself, I wanted desperately to be beautiful in his eyes.

But going shopping meant I needed a ride, and considering my parents had sold my car when I had told them about the visions, and I wasn't about to ask Tyson for this, Billy was my only option. We were halfway to school before I got up the nerve to speak. "Billy?"

He twitched, his hands tightening on the wheel. "Hm?"

"I…could you give me a ride into Port Angeles later? I'm sorry, but I need to go shopping, and there's no one else to drive me…"

"Tyson?"

Quietly, I shook my head.

"Hm." For awhile, I was afraid that was going to be his answer, a no by default. He spoke again, though, when he was pulling into the parking lot. "Don't know."

My heart leaped, my brain chastising me, telling me how stupid it was to be happy at his slight decrease in hostility. "But maybe?"

"…yeah. Maybe. If I'm going." He finished parking, then, and hopped out of the car, grabbing his bag and starting up the hill without waiting for me. I sighed, leaning back against the seat. Well, maybe pretty much always meant no, but it was better than nothing.

Something tapped softly on the window, and I almost jumped out of my skin. The shock passed almost instantly into perfect calm, even before I could turn my head and register that there was no threat. I pulled the lever and pushed the door open just enough to slip out, grinning.

He was smiling too, and he reached around me and into the car to take my shoulder bag. "Sorry I startled you."

"No, it's fine. Hey."

"Good morning." I reached out for my bag but he shook his head once and pulled it away from me, draping it over his own shoulder. "Your talk with your brother, how did it go?"

"Oh…better than I expected." I shrugged. "Hard to say." I looked over at him then and caught a look that seemed somewhere between anger and worry, but it passed too quickly for me to be sure.

"Good."

He was so close, on my left side. This close, I could smell his wonderful scent, a scent that defied description, really. Cinnamon and sandalwood and other things that at the moment I couldn't quite place. It was just Jasper. Slowly, unsure if I could, I slid my hand into his. I heard his sharp intake of breath, his fingers closing instantly around mine and gripping tight. My heart swelled in my chest, and I knew I was probably grinning like an idiot. So, this was ok with him. More than ok, based on the way he was holding on. "You know, we still haven't finished that project."

He laughed softly, and I turned to look at him, a shock jolting through me at the way his hair fell over his golden eyes. The mischievous smirk on his face would have probably made me curious, if I could have spared curiosity a thought. As it was, I could spare nothing a thought while I was looking at him. "Don't worry about it. I'll do it, and I'll give the two of you whatever information you need."

"But you don't have to-"

He waved his other hand at me, that same adorable smirk still in place. "Seriously, it'll take me five minutes, I promise. Don't worry about it."

Alright, so that was something new about him. Well, not really new, just…more. I had known he was into history, the civil war and Texas in particular, but apparently he wasn't just into it, he knew a _lot_ about it. Automatically, I rubbed my thumb across his skin, needing the extra contact. Everything I learned slid something else into place about this man I loved so much but knew so little about. "Alright then. Thanks."

"No problem." We were at the building now, and he very reluctantly handed my bag over to me, draping the strap gently over my shoulder. His hand brushed the bare skin just above the collar of my shirt and I could feel the flash burn underneath. "Have a good morning."

"You too." The thought hit me then, and I called out to stop him. "Wait, Jasper!"

He stopped on a dime, turning to face me, the look in his eyes perfectly interested and somehow hopeful.

"My brother…he didn't exactly give me an answer this morning. But the band is practicing down on the practice field during our lunch, so I think I should go talk to him then. See what he says. If you could meet me after…?"

He nodded. "Of course."

Good. With him to look forward to, I might be able to get through another of those impossibly hard conversations.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''

They were on their way out when I came up, and I was lucky that he was always one of the last ones. I waited until they were almost all gone, and those closest to him were definitely caught up in their own conversations and paying me no attention. "Billy?"

He jerked, his eyes cold when they came to rest on me.

"I'm sorry, I was just wondering if you-"

"Yeah. And no, I can't."

I took a deep breath, tried to calm the mix of anger and hurt that was clawing at me. "Billy…" And somehow, then, it was all too much. Something about my own voice saying his name that way, pleading, begging…it reminded me too much of how things had been, before. Reminded me of every reason I hated the way things were now. "Billy, please, I'm sorry ok? Please, I hate this, can't we just-"

"Can't we just what, Alice?" He was yelling, now, and I flinched, looked away. "Go back to the way things were before? You ruined that. You ruined everything, for the whole family! So don't you tell me this is my goddamned problem, alright? _I_ didn't do this. _You _did!"

"Fine! I did it, it's all me, all my fault because I wouldn't let you-"

"Oh don't _even_-"

"NO!" I was close to him now, screaming right back. He was taller, more intimidating, but I didn't care. "No! It's the truth, Billy! When have I ever lied to you?"

"You never did before."

"And I'm not lying now! Can't you see that? I was only trying to look out for you!" I realized, absently, that I was crying and I brushed a tear away angrily. "Please, Billy….I just…you're my brother. Please, trust me."

He shook his head, a look of disgust still on his face. He moved to walk away but I couldn't let him go yet. I caught his wrist, and he wheeled on me, furious. "I can't trust you , Alice, because it's impossible, ok? Nobody sees the future, Alice. Nobody. You weren't saving me from anything. Either you're crazy, or you're lying, and I think you're too damn smart to be crazy, so that means you have to be lying to me. And I don't care why anymore. I used to, but I just don't care now, alright? Just let it go. And leave me the hell alone. Can you do that?"

There was a low, deep noise from behind me then, though it sounded more like the growl of an angry lion than anything human. I was halfway through turning my head to look when I caught the expression on Jasper's face, and it effectively froze me in place. He looked past furious. Almost past murderous, even. He came up behind me slowly, and I felt his hand come down surprisingly gently on my shoulder.

"Get your hand off her." His words were calm but colder than steel, and I felt Billy release the grip I hadn't even known he had had on my arm.

"So you're the new guy?" He looked Jasper up and down, and I had to hand it to him, really. He was almost able to look entirely unafraid.

"He's not just the 'new guy', Billy, don't-" Jasper squeezed my shoulder gently, and I stopped.

"Jasper Hale." His voice had not warmed a single degree. "Leave us. Conversation's over, you're done here."

Billy laughed, a little nervous but mostly full of derision. "What are you, a jedi?"

"No, I'm telling you you're done or I'm going to break your wrist, which is what I should have done to begin with. Go. Now."

I expected him to fight back harder, really, but then again, the look on Jasper's face right then possibly could have stopped an army. He glared, then shrugged before stalking off. He muttered something I couldn't catch under his breath, but I thought that Jasper must have heard it because I could feel his grip on me tighten. I took a deep, steadying breath. "Jasper, I-"

"Did he hurt you?" He turned me to face him so fast I almost didn't feel the movement, his gentle hands pulling my arm up, fingers trailing over the skin where Billy had held my arm.

His touch was distracting, and for a moment I couldn't focus. "I…I…" I shook my head a little, tried to clear it. It didn't really work, not with his hands still on me. "No, I'm alright."

"You're sure? Could leave a bruise…" He muttered it almost to himself, fingers trailing over my arm again. "He had no right to talk to you like that, it doesn't matter if he is your brother. That's not the way a decent man behaves with a woman."

There was something about the way he talked that I was really only noticing just now, something strange about some of phrases that maybe I should have caught all along. Something…proper, correct, almost aged. Most men couldn't have cared less how they spoke to women, now. Price you had to pay for equality, I guess, but somehow I loved his view of it, or maybe just the way he said it. So sincere.

I was so caught up in the beauty of his words that it took me a moment to actually process everything he had said, but when I did I could feel all the blood drain from my face. "How…how much did you hear?" But I knew the answer already, knew that he had to have heard. I was trembling instantly, the terror intense beyond belief. I was going to lose him. He would be right there with them all, thinking I was crazy, calling me a liar, an addict, anything that could explain me away.

"Alice." The terror was gone then, wiped away for a fraction of a second. I could feel it rising in my chest, keeping me from even looking up at him when he said my name. Quickly but carefully his hands came up to cradle my face, and though I still _wanted_ to be afraid, knew that I _should_ be afraid, I wasn't. "Alice, honey, calm down. Everything's alright. Hey…" There was something coaxing in his voice, and I finally looked up, was drawn in by the tenderness in his eyes, more than I had ever seen. It was breathtaking. "That's it, look at me. Everything's alright."

"Then…you…you didn't hear-" But he had to have, didn't he? And if he hadn't, now he was only going to wonder what I was hiding… For reasons I couldn't explain, I still couldn't be afraid.

"I heard everything he said. I'm kind of sorry to admit this, but I followed you, I wanted to be ready to meet you right when you were done. I heard everything. No, don't, just listen." He must have seen the panic rising in my eyes. "I believe you."

I had never in all my life heard such beautiful words. After so long of being yelled at and insulted, it sounded borderline as good as hearing an 'I love you' would have been. Although, I couldn't really judge, as I had never heard him say it, and I knew his 'I love you' would be the only one that could ever possibly top this. Normally, I would have doubted his sincerity. No one believed me. But standing here, looking into his eyes, how could I? I could see it there, the absolute _truth_ of it. He believed me. Jasper _believed_ me, no questions asked.

I responded in the first way that came to mind and flung my arms around him, burying my face in his chest. I felt him tense immediately, and some form of sanity came back to me. _Oh, you shouldn't have done that. Idiot._ I moved instantly to let him go, to pull away but he wouldn't let me, one arm coming around to firmly encircle me, keeping me close. He was still tense, though, and I felt guilty for pushing him. "Sorry…"

He sighed, and it sounded angry. "Don't be sorry, Alice, I'm not upset with you."

"With him?" I pulled back just a little, enough to look up at him. He nodded tightly.

"And myself."

"Why-" But talking wasn't important anymore, even to ask why. His right hand came up the cradle the back of my head, pull it in closer to him, encouraging me to bury my face against him as I had before. As if I needed much encouragement. I nuzzled against him happily, breathing him in. I knew, now, that I was irrevocably addicted to this scent. I wanted to be able to fall asleep with it on my pillow, to find it on my clothes, on everything. Jasper…

His fingers trailed gently through my hair, his arm sliding tighter around my waist. I felt his lips against my hair and I gasped softly, my hand tightening on his shirt. Just that simple, innocent touch and my heart was pounding ridiculously. Slowly, I tilted my head up to face him, my breath stopping when I saw that he was still only inches away. Less than that. He moved closer, his hand against my cheek now gently restraining.

"Don't move." I really doubted I could have moved even if I wanted to. The look in his eyes was mesmerizing, and he was close enough that I could feel his breath on my lips, almost taste him on the air. Never mind that I couldn't have moved anyway. He sounded so serious, so almost worried that I froze, barely even daring to breathe or blink. He moved closer with such deliberate slowness, as if every inch was somehow a mile until finally his lips brushed mine, barely at first. So soft, so brief I could barely feel it. "Alice…" I loved the way he said my name, always. But the way he said it _now_, his lips almost on mine as they moved… It was incredible. I was literally almost dying to close the non-distance between us, but I did as he had asked, only because it had seemed so important to him. Still, it was killing me.

_Finally_, his eyes locked with mine, he pressed his lips fully against my own. His eyes, then, were the most blindingly brilliant I had ever seen them. I could actually see the spark hit them before they fluttered closed, his lips moving cautiously against my own. My eyes fell closed as well, everything in me focused on the sensation of his kiss. It was slow, incredibly careful, nothing like the passion and fireworks in the vision I had seen. Still, there was a smoldering burn to it, a feeling that had me struggling not do a great number of things, all of which, of course, involved moving.

Far too soon he pulled back, and when my eyes opened and met his I could see an almost sparkling mix of awe and something like triumph in them. Something I could see let me know it was alright now to touch him, if I wanted, and my hand came up to curve against his cheek. He nuzzled against my palm, his eyes still dancing. His hand came up to catch mine, kissed the back of it gently before intertwining his fingers with mine and bringing our hands down to rest against his chest, still joined.

"I'm the only, aren't I? No one else believes you?"

"No one."

His eyes flashed dangerously. "Fools." And I could see that he meant it, his almost hatred for them so very clear in the way the word came off his tongue. His eyes gentle once more, he squeezed my hand. "Will you tell me, about the things you see?"

I smiled, laughed softly. I was giddy, almost high on happiness, on the almost unbelievable fact that he didn't think I was crazy. And I was most definitely still feeling the buzz of his kiss, the aftershocks of which I knew would be with me all day. "I'll tell you everything."

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:sigh: lucky Alice…


	8. Shopping

Shopping with Alice….

Poor Jasper, lol

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**Jasper**

For a moment, I couldn't even move. I knew we should head back, knew we were running out of time, but even with as much capacity for thought as my head had I could only think about one thing. Well, a few things, but all related to one thing. I had kissed Alice. I had been _strong enough_ to kiss Alice. Alice, Alice, my Alice… And God, it had been incredible. And it was barely anything at all. It seemed it took forever for my head to stop spinning, but I wasn't in any rush. I could feel the buzz of it everywhere, the most potent drug I had ever come in contact with. Not to mention, her euphoria was just as high as mine, and the combination of both was staggering.

When I could finally move I kept her hand, pulled her forward with it as I headed back in the direction of the cafeteria. "Start at the beginning." I wanted to hear it all, everything, how she had come to realize what she could do, how she had told her family, how long they had been treating her like shit…

I fought the growl in my chest, reached over and into my bag to pull out a bag of chips. "And eat while you're doing it." I was pretty sure that was a terrible lunch, but at least it was food, and it was mobile. We could keep walking, and she could keep talking. And eat. Unfortunately, for that I had to release her hand. I let go reluctantly, a sigh far too low for her to hear slipping from my lips. No matter how much it made my throat burn, her touch was quickly becoming necessary.

She opened the bag, pulled out one chip and began to nibble on it absently, thinking. "Well…honestly, it's been going on all my life. But the first time I knew for certain it was a vision, the first time I really chose to believe it and act on it…well, there had been little things happening. Well, they weren't always little but they had, as far as I remember, effected only me up until this point. Until one day about a year ago I had a vision of Billy and his friend shooting off fireworks. A spark blew to the side, some leaves in the neighbors gutter caught on fire, and their house burned down. I knew enough by then to believe myself, and I couldn't let that happen." She sighed, hunched her shoulders a little as she remembered. I could feel the sharp pang of sorrow from her and I calmed it quickly, resisted the urge to stop and pull her into my arm again. "So, I told them. I told them everything I had seen, how I knew it was real, all the things that had come true before. and they listened, and asked me if I was taking drugs. When I said no, they wanted to know what was going on with me, if I needed to see a psychologist for depression or bipolar disorder or something like that. I refused to back down, and they refused to believe me. They took my car and sold it, and they started excluding me from the family as much as they could." She sighed, shook her head, a sort of bitter amusement touching her emotions. "Things were actually starting to improve, though. Slightly. Then I saw Billy getting in a car crash, and I told them because I didn't want anything to happen to him, and of course it all started over again, worse than before."

I couldn't help but growl at the thought of her sacrificing any part of her life just to save his. Even if it wasn't her life, even if it was only her place in the family it was far more worthwhile to me than his insignificant life. But of course, she loved him. He was, after all, her brother. Even though he wasn't much of one. I said what I knew she would agree with, rather than what I wanted to say. "At least it kept him out of the car."

She smiled sadly, though her eyes sparkled. "Exactly what I said. It was worth it, for that."

Not to me. But, that had been up to her. And her love for him was certainly admirable, just…undeserved. "So…" I waited until I had her full attention, her eyes shifting over to meet mine. "Why was it you needed him anyway? The ride?"

She bit her lip. "It's just…I have some shopping to do. Maybe-"

"No." she stopped, and I could feel a little bit of surprise. Ooops. More forceful than I'd intended. _Come on, Jasper, tone it down… _"You don't need to ask him, or anyone else, for anything ever again. If you need something, you come to me. Alright?" That was all there was to it. Her family was scum, and no matter how long they had been friends I didn't want her alone with Tyson. I know of no other real friends she had, and even if she had that didn't mean I would trust them with her. She was far, far too important for that. Besides, I was her mate. That was my…job, in a way. I could take care of her by myself. "I'll take you." I paused, realized that once again it sounded more like an order than a question. I didn't want it to be like that. "I mean, if that's alright with you."

"If you're sure you don't mind…" Her voice was soft, almost uncertain.

I knew that my perceptions were impossibly colored by my feelings, by the crystal clarity I could see them with. All the same, how could she not see how much I loved her? I would do anything with her, anything at all. I would be happier sitting with her and watching paint dry than I would be doing anything at all on my own, or even with the family. She was, now, everything I wanted. Always. "Of course not. I'd love to take you."

She smiled, and I could feel her mood brighten. "Alright. Can we go right after school?"

"That's fine. We'll have to stop by my house to get a car, but that shouldn't take long." The bell rang then. I was really getting progressively sick of it, and my classes. If I would have only known this was how things would have turned out, I would have fixed my schedule to fit hers in the beginning. I sighed, reached out slowly to stroke my hand across her cheek. She was so, so very warm. "We should go."

She grinned. "We could skip."

"We could, but you're a better student than that." And besides, they could call her parents. I didn't want her to catch hell just to stay with me another hour. If they ever called my parents the worst I could possibly get would be a comment about keeping up the human charade. It was tempting, but if I let her stay with me once I'd want it all the time. I took her hand again, headed back toward the building.

"Somehow, I get the feeling you're a better student than me."

I laughed, shook my head. "You don't have enough perspective. I just…read a lot." Which was at least sort of true. I read a lot, and I had been to high school and college many, many times. Eventually, I was going to even run out of majors…but at least that would take MUCH longer than it took to tire of high school. As we reached the door, I heard Rose sigh and I tensed, my head jerking to look back over my shoulder.

"Just forget your family, Jasper. Go ahead, act like we're not even here."

I rolled my eyes at her, annoyed. That didn't even deserve a response. It wasn't even a second before I turned around, and Alice hadn't noticed the movement. I held the door open for her, glaring back at Rose if I did. _You can tell her, Edward, that she can stop complaining. I'll introduce Alice to you tomorrow. But tell her that if she doesn't behave, even Emmett won't be able to stop me from tearing her into tiny pieces, do you understand?_

He grinned at me, and I knew he had heard it all.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"Alright, where are we going?"

She smiled, but in a way that clearly showed she was being patient with me. "Jasper, there's only one store in Port Angeles that sells the kind of dresses I'm looking for." She pointed up the street, at a store with a typical department-store look. I had been here a thousand times and never really paid it any attention. "There, see?"

"As you can see, I've never been shopping with a woman before."

"Not even your sisters?"

I couldn't help the laughter that thought brought on. I'd have to remember to tell them later. Shopping with Rose? Lord, I'd rather die. Everything looked good on her, of course, and she didn't really go to pick things out, per se…more to try then on for Emmett. Not something I wanted to be present for. I felt enough from them at home, I didn't need extra doses of it. Bella's idea of shopping was 15 minutes in Old Navy or something similar. Grab a few shirts, a few pairs of jeans, and she was done. It was no big production, in fact she hated doing it. Edward always took her, and they got it over with quickly. Esme, I suppose, was the most 'normal' woman shopper in the family, but I never went with her. She took herself, usually while we were at school, or she went with Carlisle when he was home. Typically, she picked up mine and Edward's clothes too. Combine all of that, and the fact that I hadn't stepped foot in an actually store in God knew how many years. Still chuckling, I shook my head. "No. They…well, Bella's not really interested in shopping, and Rose can manage without me there."

The scandalized look on her face amused me even more. "She's not interested in shopping?" Maybe I should warn at least Edward ahead of time. Even without his gift, I could see Alice planning to kidnap Bella and force her to see reason. Well, if Bella didn't try to kill, it would be hilarious to watch Alice try. Actually, even if she did try to kill me it'd be hilarious. I could only imagine the look of horror on Bella's face after spending hours in a department store, a mall….

I pulled into the parking lot and whipped easily into a space. I wondered, idly, how angry Rose would get when she found out I'd taken her car. Really, she couldn't get too pissed. Edward hadn't been back home with the Volvo yet, Carlisle was at the hospital, and I hadn't wanted to take her in the Jeep. It was starting to turn cold, and that was open. That left only one option, and while I had to admit I had been a little pleased to take it after the comment she had made, I would have taken it normally anyway. "Ready?"

She nodded exuberantly, and I followed her out of the car and up to the building. She didn't even give me time to pull the door open for her, instead dashing forward with a glint in her eyes that reminded me of the look we had when we were hunting. I could feel my own mood lift, feeding off her excitement. She really did love this.

I followed her silently for close to a half hour, mesmerized. She moved like a hummingbird, inspecting a dress for maybe a minute, if that, before making up her mind. Some of them, I couldn't even tell any appreciable difference between. Not that I would have told her that, if she'd asked. I had heard so many human men complain about shopping with their wives or girlfriends, felt their strong annoyance, their aversion. Our kind were so very different, I knew, and that was probably why I had so much trouble understand that sentiment now. It had seemed to make sense before, but that was before I had known her. I was happiest beside her, wherever she was, but it went farther than that. This gave me a chance to watch her uninterrupted, to stare as much as I liked without even her really noticing.

Truly, she didn't need any of this. The dresses, the shoes…any of it, not if she thought it made her beautiful. She was beautiful already, would have been beautiful in ragged jeans and a t-shirt. It was something inside her, a spark, an inner light that nothing dimmed. Her spirit made her more desirable than anything else ever could. Not to say that she wasn't physically attractive as well. She was just wholly perfect, an elegant combination. Her hair was short, spiky, so different from most girls her age, though I had seen a few others try it. None of them wore it as well. It suited her. She was so very small especially in comparison to my own height, but that only added to her attraction in some very basic, human way. The instinct to protect, perhaps. And her eyes… I drowned in them every time I saw her, entranced by their depth, the slightly different shades of blue that merged into the color of perfect sapphires. Any woman would have wished for those eyes.

"Yes!"

I felt her sharp spike of exultant, victorious happiness and my attention shifted back to her fully, from her face to the dress she held in her hands. It was blue, a different shade than her eyes though it would complement them beautifully. "I'm guessing that's the one."

She could hear the humor in my voice, apparently, and her excitement dropped slightly, a little nervousness edging around her. I erased it, eased her joy back up until it was right where it had been before. Her eyes were blazing, and she stroked the fabric lovingly. "I knew it was here. I just had to find it."

"This is the one you saw?"

I could her shock, and I realized she would have never heard anyone talk about her visions this way, with such casual acceptance. My hatred for her family flared again, until I could feel her relief seeping into me, strong enough to alter my own feelings. "Thank you, Jasper." Her whisper was so soft, so full of awe. I could never have resisted the urge to be closer to her, then.

I took a deep breath, steadied myself and made certain of my control before I stepped closer, cupping her cheek and leaning in to kiss her forehead. "Don't thank me for that. That's a given." I could see tears shining on the corners of her eyes and I wiped them away gently, smiling for her. "And no crying over anything I say. Not ever."

"Even if I'm happy?'

"Mmhm. You can smile, though. That one I'll take."

She smiled, so warm and genuine. Her happiness really was a drug. It was the only emotion I had ever felt that really left me high. I could feel her almost nervous excitement mixed with conflicting desires, and it was a moment before I realized I was the source of the conflict. Of course, she'd want to try on the dress, but she seemed just as incapable as I was of breaking contact when we were this close. Stroking her skin one last time with the pad of my thumb I forced myself to step back, give her some room.

She pulled the hanger off the rack, held it up and shook it out, admiring it from every angle. "I'm gonna go try this one, ok?"

I nodded, drifted along behind her wordlessly until she reached a row of doors at the back. I leaned against the closest rack, settling in to wait. I could hear the rustle of fabric as she changed, and I forced my mind to focus when it started to drift. I couldn't let myself think about anything even remotely like the thoughts that had come to mind, just then. I shifted, did my best to clear my mind as if Edward was listening but it didn't exactly work. I could still see the image my mind had conjured of pulling her close to me, sliding her shirt over her head with my own hands. I growled softly, annoyed at myself. I really was far too miserable at pretending to be a gentleman. I had recaptured it for her, in many ways, but there were some things that were harder than others. Which was exactly why I could never deserve her, could only ever hope to do the best by her that I could. It wasn't an achievable goal, being good enough, but maybe if I kept trying, I could come somewhere close.

Her disappointment shocked me out of my thoughts. I stepped closer to the door, curious. "Not what you thought?" My voice was a soft murmur, but still plenty loud enough for her to hear, and I could have kicked myself almost immediately after I said it. I felt far too comfortable around her. I couldn't go around responding to her emotions like that, she'd get suspicious. Granted, the gift she had would make her far more accepting, but still…I wasn't ready to tell her yet, because if I told her one thing, I'd have to tell her everything else.

"I…sort of." I heard her sigh, frustrated, and I was glad to see that she was too preoccupied to notice my slip. She shuffled around a little more then slid out the door. I could still feel her depression, and I resisted the urge to calm her. I wanted her to tell me why, first. "It looks wonderful, but I really don't have that kind of money." She shrugged, shook it off outwardly. Inside, the way she felt hadn't much changed. "It's fine, I'll just keep looking."

I nodded silently, followed her back into the rows and rows of clothes. Her searching was so much more subdued now, slower. After a moment I stepped up behind her, covered her shoulders with my hands. Her heartbeat spiked and I resisted the urge to grin like an idiot. "I'll be right back, ok? I'll find you."

"That's fine." I slid backward and she kept looking. Good. This would have been a little more difficult with her paying attention. Even so, I would have done it anyway. It was easy enough to go back and find the dress, though to make the search even quicker I followed her lingering scent. I pulled it off the hanger and folded it over my arm, not even bothering to check the price. Whatever it was, it was pocket change. Live long enough, and it was only natural that you accumulate money.

The old woman at the counter smiled at me as she slid the dress into a box, wrapping it in tissue paper. "You're a very thoughtful young man, you know. Most men don't pay attention to what women want."

Yes, that was probably true. Humans were ridiculously unobservant, not to mention their warped concept of devotion. For our kind, this was nothing out of the ordinary. Still, I smiled and thanked her, handed over a fraction of the cash I had on me and drifted back into the main part of the store to track down Alice. She had her back to me and I followed my first impulse and darted up behind her, dipping my head to her level to whisper against her ear. "Hey."

She jumped, but it was back toward me and not away from me. Silent or not, my heart soared. Maybe it was the jolt of happiness, but the burn didn't feel quite as bad as before. "You scared me."

But that wasn't true. She wasn't frightened, only surprised. If she had been, then I would have been sorry. As it was I smiled, listened to her heart begin to race. "Sorry." But I wasn't, not at all. She had not moved from the step she had taken toward me when I'd startled her, and her body was still pressed against mine. I maneuvered the box forward, held it out before her. "Here. Problem solved."

She gasped, her hands slowly coming up to take it from me. "Jasper…you shouldn't-"

"Spend money on you? Of course I should." I pulled her closer, my urge to make her understand overtaking everything else. "I told you. I'll take care of you now. Anything you want."

"Still…you shouldn't…" But she didn't finish the sentence, and I could feel her almost blinding happiness, see her smile. Yes, I had definitely done the right thing. Not to mention, I had discovered something else about her. She accepted gifts _far_ more reasonably than Bella, and after watching Edward struggle with that for years that knowledge really was a relief. She wheeled around and hugged me as suddenly as she had earlier, and I stopped breathing. For a moment the instinct, the urge to strike, to bite was a powerful force. I fought it, though I knew my eyes were far closer to black than gold, now.

I held her close but my grip was slightly rigid, tense, and I knew she could feel it. I could feel her anxiety, and it made me curse my self control even more. I was getting better, but not quickly enough. This upset her, not understanding why this bothered me, and I never wanted her upset. Not ever, not because of me. Slowly, teeth clenched shut, a took a deep breath, found that it was bearable. Good. I stroked her hair, kissed the top of her head again, soothed her worries. I didn't wanted her ever thinking I didn't want her close to me. I wanted it more than anything, but I could handle it better when I initiated the contact, when I could move slowly. She, of course, couldn't understand that. "So, you like it, hm?"

"Yes. I love it, it's perfect, Jasper. Thank you."

"Any time." Carefully, I pulled away from her, my hand sliding down to catch hers. As much as I didn't want to leave her, it was time to take her home. "Come on. Let's go."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Rosalie was waiting for me in the driveway. I could feel the anger long before I pulled in, and I used the added distance to begin dampening it in advance. Even so, she was royally pissed when I climbed out of the car, and I cut her off as her mouth opened.

"Don't worry, your precious car is safe. It was the only one home that I could take, you're going to have to calm down."

"Only because you're making me."

I chuckled. "Yes, well there's that too. But honestly Rose, it's not hurt. Check it over, everything's fine." I tossed her the keys and she caught them without looking, still glaring daggers at me. Well, at least I had calmed her down out of 'attack' mode. I slipped out of the garage, followed the scent of my other sister to a rock near the water's edge. "Where's Edward?"

"Hunting, with Emmett. And wrestling, I believe, though of course that was Emmett's idea."

I grinned, shook my head at the thought. The only real fair fight in the house was between me and Emmett. Edward could cheat too easily. I sprung up beside her and folded my legs, settling in. "Hello, Bella."

"Hey, Jasper." I could see her smile slightly in the darkness and she turned away from me a little, always a bit of the shy one. "You haven't talked to me about Alice."

"No, I haven't, and I'm sorry. Everything's just been so…overwhelming."

"I can imagine."

I shifted to lean on my arms, let my head fall back to look at the stars. "She's like nothing I've ever imagined, Bella. Nothing I could have imagined if I'd tried."

"That's because you didn't know, not until you found her."

"Yes. You're right."

I felt her happiness swell as she took in my words, and I let it lift my own mood. I was already missing Alice. "You really love her." It wasn't a question, and I didn't answer it.

"Would you like to meet her tomorrow? Let her have lunch with us?" I did hope so much that they could be friends. Not only did Alice need it desperately, but it would be good for Bella as well. It had been far too long since she had had a real girlfriend.

"Of course I'd love to! I want to get to know my future sister, don't I?" Her tone was slightly teasing, and she leaned over to hug me with one arm. She could feel the stiffness that had taken over me then, and she let go quickly. "Are you…still not sure?"

"No. No I'm sure. I just don't…" she let me leave it there, shifted barely closer to me until her shoulder brushed mine. The contact was reassuring, if only because I could feel her love for me more clearly this way. "Bella, what did you do when you found out Edward was a vampire? I mean, I know what you did later, you went with him to the meadow and you came to our house…" I shook myself out of the memories, focused again. "But I mean before that, the moment you found out. What did you do?"

Her fingers were tracing idle patterns on the rock, digging slightly into the rough surface. "I wasn't sure if I believed it at first, but that was only what I told myself. I knew I believed it, deep down. I just had to wait until I accepted it. the accepting took me about a day, and I spent that day looking up theories online and thinking about it until I couldn't think anymore. In the end, I came to the conclusion my heart had known from the beginning." She looked up, made sure I looked her in the eyes. "I was in love with Edward, and nothing else mattered. He could have been anything at all and it wouldn't have mattered."

My breath quickened, my mind involuntarily imagining Alice taking it that well. Could she? _Would_ she? My words came out in a whisper, barely riding on my rapid breath. "I want to tell her. I want her to know. Everything."

"Then tell her. She loves you, Jasper. Everything'll be alright. It has to be." She was so gentle when she said it, so certain. To her, this made perfect sense. More than that, it was how the world was. things had, after all, worked out for her and Edward. Her fingers trailed down my arm, absently passing over a scar on the inside crease of my elbow. "What did Carlisle say?"

My mind flashed to the memory of that moment, that conversation.

"_I have a favor to ask of you."_

_Though he looked puzzled for a moment he sat down quickly on the edge of the desk, everything else forgotten. "Of course, son. What is it?" This was one of many things I loved about my father, his ability to put everything else on hold when his children needed him. _

_My mind was already in turmoil, and I thought it best to jump right into it. Say only what I knew. "I love her, Carlisle." _

_His smile was so gentle and genuine, and for a moment his happiness and pride eased away my nerves. "I know. And I couldn't be more happy for you, Jasper, this is wonderful."_

_I nodded, tight. "Yes. She is. But…" I trailed off, gave him a pleading look instead. I should have been able to say the words._

_His expression turned more serious, but I felt no anger from him, not even the slightest annoyance or even true surprise. "Ah. Well, I can certainly do it for you, Jasper. No, that wouldn't be a problem. And of course, no one would dispute your claim, your right to make this decision, all the same-"_

"_The decision is hers."_

_He smiled, slid to the floor almost so fast that I didn't catch it. "Realizations like that one, Jasper, are the reasons why I knew I was right about you from the start. You are a better man than you think you are." He darted forward, kissed my forehead so quickly I barely felt his movement. "When you're both ready, as I'm sure you will be, at some point, let me know. Though whatever she decides, as before I believe it would be most prudent to wait until she is out of her parents house." _

He had left the room quickly then, knowing me well enough to know I would need some time alone, a moment to digest everything he had said and hadn't said. He was proud of me, immeasurably proud, and he wanted very much to have Alice as a daughter. He was sorry that I couldn't do it myself, sorry that he would have to take that chance away from me. Those were the things he hadn't said, and I had them on my mind as well.

"He said he will do it for me, certainly. After she graduates."

Bella was beaming, excited. "That's wonderful!"

"Mm." I pulled a chunk of rock away in my hand, flattened it with my palms and skipped it across the river. I heard it hit five times. "I have to make sure she wants it first."

"Jasper." Exasperation, love, a little pity. She thought I was taking Edward's road, but really I wasn't close. Parallel, maybe, but my concerns were different ones. I knew only that most of the women I had ever known would have been unwilling to deal with a man with my past for months, let alone centuries. And that would be exactly what was I would be asking her, not only to become a creature she had only ever heard of in myth but to live forever with me. Neither one were simple decisions. Well, for me, they were. But for her...

"Don't worry, Bella. I'll find a way to tell her." Just not tonight. I heard in the distance the sound of twigs snapping, leaves crunching. Emmett's laughter. I felt Bella's rush of unbridled joy, followed by guilt. "Go on, Bells. Go meet him, I'm fine."

She bit her lip, the image matching her old human self more closely than even she probably realized. "You're sure, Jazz?"

"Get." I didn't have to tell her again. She bolted, speeding off to join her mate. All things considered, that didn't seem like a bad idea. I could at least avoid going inside and facing Emmett after Rose complained to him about how horrible I'd been. Hopping down from the rock, I headed off in the direction of Alice's house.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

She was already asleep when I climbed through the window. There was a computer desk in the corner with an old, busted and duct-taped chair. I pulled the chair out and turned it around, sat down with my elbows resting on my knees, my eyes fixed on her still form in that huge bed. She was huddled under the blankets, cold. My hands tingled, flexed, ached for the warmth that could have made her sleep more comfortably.

When she hadn't moved after 30 minutes I followed the nagging voice that kept commanding me closer, and I slid onto the foot of her bed to sit cross legged facing her. Her scent blanketed the entire room, but I was becoming acclimated to that. I could feel her warmth, faint through the layers of blankets but clearly present. I could hear her heart beating steadily in her chest, soft but strong. My beautiful Alice….

The hand that gripped her quilt had loosened in her sleep and I ran my finger across her palm, mesmerized by the way she sighed in her sleep when I did. Did it feel good even then? What was she dreaming? Was the touch the same, or was it something else? A feather? Or was it me? I found myself hoping she would talk in her sleep, but there was nothing, not even the faintest hint of a word. I traced her palm again, was rewarded with another contented sigh.

"Alice?" Dead silence. It was safe. Typically, I said these words less than other people, but not from a lack of feeling. I said them less because rather than speak, I could _show_ my family exactly how I felt for them, let them feel it all firsthand. But with her, I couldn't do that, not yet. All the same, I had been too afraid to say them to her, afraid of what she might say. "Alice?" I checked once more, listened hard, heard only the sound of her breathing. Her heart rate remained the same. I shifted positions without jostling the bed, moved until I could press my lips to her wrist as softly as a ghost. "Alice, I love you."

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Hope you enjoyed this one! Next should be the dance, I think…if we get there in the next chapter….

And omg it's so cold here…I'm sitting next to my window in my chair and it's FREEZING!!!!!


	9. The Dance

Ok so one backtracking thing I have to say…I am an idiot sometimes, and I wasn't thinking clearly when I wrote that section where he was thinking about the cars…just because he likes his bike and Edward likes his Volvo doesn't mean it's likely that no one else change their car, ESPECIALLY Rose. So I'm thinking I didn't specify what hers was, which is very good because I'm going to have to change the other cars around. Anyway, that's all on that subject, just wanted to acknowledge that I screwed up, lol.

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**Alice**

The sun in my eyes woke me up, and I dimly wondered why in the hell I hadn't shut the blinds the night before. Then again, I had been pretty sure that I had…

I sighed, frustrated and rolled across the bed, closer to the window but with my back to it. I nestled into the other pillow, pulled the blankets tighter around me. I closed my eyes, took a deep comfortable breath…and realized that I really was going crazy. I could have sworn I could smell Jasper on this pillow, as if he had laid beside me here the night before. Impossible, but it was exactly what I had dreamed. My imagination was working overtime, or maybe I was still in that weird state between sleep and consciousness. Either way, no reason not to enjoy it. I smiled, took another deep breath. Yes, definitely Jasper. And I was definitely crazy.

The knock on my door jolted me awake. "Your boyfriend's here."

_Crap!_ My eyes snapped open and leaped somewhat clumsily out of bed. _Shit, shit, shit…_ My eyes fell on the clock, and it was clear immediately that I had slept straight through my alarm. How did I manage that one? I hadn't done that in ages… I scrambled to the door, whipped it open. "Billy?"

He paused on the stairs, but didn't really acknowledge me. "Thank you. And can you…can you let Jasper in?" I'd have to throw on some clothes pretty lightning fast but he could be here for the rest, hang out in my room or something, I didn't want to make him wait outside.

Though he didn't answer, I hoped that he had enough kindness left for me to at least do that. Shutting the door I darted back to my closet, more awake now that I was slipping into full on hectic rush mode. Now, what was I going to wear... I had seen nothing from today, so no hints in that department. Hmm…it was definitely going to be cool outside if not cold, so a sweater, probably. But green or grey? Or something else entirely? I had a sweatshirt that wasn't half bad, but did it work for today? Orange? Maybe not…

"Can I come in?"

My heart leapt, crashing against my ribs. "I…ah…yeah, sure, Jasper."

I didn't take my eyes away from the closet, listening instead for the sounds of the door. I didn't hear it, but within a second I felt his hands on my hips from behind, resting lightly. "You look sleepy."

More nervous than I could have cared to think about much less explain, I kept stubbornly sifting through the closet. "I was until about a minute ago, yeah. Think the jumping out of bed part killed it, though."

He chuckled, ran his fingers through my hair and leaned in to kiss the top of my head. I sighed, relaxing into his touch. How could I ever stay nervous around Jasper? I had to have looked like a mess, but apparently, he just didn't care. Really, he shouldn't be this perfect. Men were never perfect. Still, it's not as if that were a bad thing, something I should question, something undesirable. "You didn't need to worry on my account. You could go back to sleep, if you want. Bet I can get us to school in five minutes."

"Yes, but I can't get ready in five minutes."

"Alright, maybe I can get us to school in three."

I laughed, shook my head. "And I can't get ready in two, either, but nice try. I'll be fine, I'll wake up on the way." Which still didn't leave me much time, and which was why I really needed to make up my mind.

"Grey. You'll look beautiful in it." I paused in my movements, surprised that he had caught on to the source of my indecision so quickly. "Although…" He stepped closer, brushed a kiss against my cheek. "You look beautiful in anything, so it's up to you. I'm not picky, but you are."

Yes, I was. But if he liked the grey one, I'd go with that. I liked it too, then again, I liked everything I'd ever bought. Well. I liked it all under certain conditions. I pulled a pair of faded jeans and the grey sweater from the closet, fished around on the floor until I found a pair of shoes that worked. Finally, I turned to face him to find him smiling at me, but in a way that was far more adoring than amused. "I'll be right back, ok?"

He nodded, sidestepped and backed up as if he had already memorized the lay of the floor and everything on it and fell back lightly onto my bed. "I'll be right here, take your time." It really was so hard to stop staring at him, especially when he was smiling like that. Really, really hard. And it probably didn't help that I was still half asleep, like he had said. Shaking myself out of it, I headed toward the door and out into the hallway, somewhat dazed. I was almost sure I heard him laugh again, but it was soft enough that I was sure it was just my imagination.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"Alice."

The bell had barely rang and he had already crossed the space between our desks, his hands cradling my book and easing it into my bag. His movements were the same as they had been every day this week, as normal, but the look on his face was far too serious, all the usual warmth gone from his voice when he said my name. Far, far too serious. "Yes?"

"Would you like to meet my family?"

Was _that_ all? Why on earth was he so hesitant? "Of course I want to, Jasper! Why would you think I wouldn't?"

He smiled a little, almost shy but still a little sad as he shrugged. "I'm not sure. Of course, you're right. Well, come on then." He took my hand and pulled my easily to my feet, leading me gently down the hallway. "They're looking forward to meeting you, you know. Bella especially."

Bella. She was the sister he talked about the most often, and I assumed they were close. I couldn't help the way my heart hurt at the thought, the sharp pain that came with missing my own brother. _Billy…_ I shook it off, focused. I needed to make sure I knew everyone. "So there's Bella, Edward…Emmett?"

He nodded. "Yes, Emmett. And Rosalie. That's all of them."

"So many in one family… I mean, not that that's a bad thing, it's wonderful. Just different."

"Yes. We are different." He smiled, a little more humor seeming to touch him then. "Our parents have been very generous."

They had to be, not to mention rich enough to be able to adopt so many kids. Something clicked then, something I had heard on the first day of school and had all but forgotten. "Wait, aren't you and Rose twins?"

He smiled again, though it looked a little pained. "Yes. We are. And I love her dearly, but honestly we aren't very much alike." He chuckled warmly, then. "Though I have a much better relationship with her than Edward does."

"Do they not get along?"

"They do, usually. But they've had their differences. What do you want?"

I had been so caught up in the conversation I had hardly noticed the cafeteria, and now that we were in line I really had no idea. "Ah…anything."

He rolled his eyes. "Narrow it down."

"I can get-" But he was already shaking his head, and I knew if I fought him I'd get another speech about the fact that he could take care of me. And as adorable as it was to hear it, I wouldn't make him go through it again. "Alright. I'll have a bowl of soup."

"Soup?" He eyed me warily. "Somehow, that doesn't sound like enough."

"It is. I'm not very hungry." He obeyed…sort of. Somewhere along the way, a grilled cheese sandwich found its way onto the tray too but I didn't complain. I could probably get him to eat it, guys always had big appetites. A fact that made me abruptly take notice that he had nothing for himself. "And just what are you eating?"

The corners of his lips twitched. "Nothing. I'm not hungry."

"And you can get away with that, though I know for a fact I never could."

"Yes." And of course, he didn't say anything else. As much as I wanted to question him more, he was already paying the cashier and we'd be heading outside in a minute. I could argue with him about his health later. Right now, I was nervous. Clearly, family was very important to him. I had to fit in with these people, and I hated going in blind. If only I could have seen something! Anything!

He squeezed my hand gently and I felt my fears ease. "Don't worry. They'll love you. They have to."

"Or you'll kill them?"

He made a soft, low sound somewhere between a dangerous laugh and assent. "Maybe. But that's not why they have to." I could feel his eyes on me and I turned to look at him, fell into those beautiful gold eyes. "They have to because there's no way they couldn't. It isn't possible."

It was the closest he had come to outright saying that he loved me, and for a moment I felt too dizzy to worry about anything else, to even think about anything else. I wanted nothing more than to ask him to say that again, to hope that this time he'd be just a little more clear. And if he was, then I was probably going to be capable of flight, right then and there. Either that or die happy, one of the two. Either one would be alright with me.

"Finally, Jasper!" The voice was loud and booming, much more of a joyful whoop than I expected. Beside me, I felt Jasper tense as he sat our tray down on the table, pulling me down to sit very close to him on the end of a bench.

"Alice, this is Emmett. _Emmett_," I heard the emphasis on the word clearly, and from the way Emmett rolled his eyes it was plain that he had too. "This is – Alice." There had been a pause I was half sure I had imagined before my name, and maybe I had imagined it because no one else looked interested. He pulled my hand to rest against his leg, squeezed it gently again. "There's Rose." The blonde beside Emmett. She was breathtakingly beautiful, astonishing really. They definitely shared each other's good looks, although honestly, so did the whole family. "And Bella and Edward will be here-"

"Now. Hello, Alice." He came around from the behind us to slide in beside me. There was something soft about his smooth voice, something calming in a far different way than Jasper's was. I looked up to see him, but I didn't get much chance.

Instantly, I was seeing something else.

_Edward stepped up behind me, his arm wrapping around my shoulders. "That's enough. Can't you see that she has lost as much as you? Can't you leave her alone, even now?" _

_My father was dressed in his best suit, and though he had been looking at me with a mix of utter hatred and something close to fear, the look he gave Edward was one of contempt. "She's my daughter. I'll tell her what I-"_

"_No, you won't." Edward's voice was grim, hard. Barely controlled fury. He dipped his head to whisper close to my ear, his words gentle once more. "Alice, Jasper shouldn't be long, but can you go stand with Carlisle and Esme? I'd like to speak to him for a moment." _

_I nodded, though I could still feel my whole body shaking. In my mind, I was thinking how I didn't have much longer to go, much farther to hold on. I would be theirs soon enough._

_The hand that held my shoulder tightened reassuringly just before he let me go. "No. You already are." _

For a moment, I stared at the pale, bronze haired boy next to me with a mixture of shock, awe, and undeniable warmth. Wherever we had been, whatever my father had been yelling at me about, he had stepped in to protect me. The safety I had felt beside him wasn't entirely foreign. It reminded me of being a girl again, standing behind Billy when the other kids had picked on me for being short. Billy I had lost forever it seemed, but Edward…could I really be part of their family in their eyes? Could he really treat me as his sister? Apparently he could, he would. But what had happened? And when was I going to be theirs? My heart jolted frantically as my mind caught up to itself. Would I be moving in with them? Could I? The thought of escaping the hell of being continually ignored at home was a joy that I almost couldn't contain.

As my mind cleared I caught up to the stranger parts, not the least of which was the way he was looking at me now. The expression on his face seemed to be a mirror of my what my own must have been, except there was worry there as well… He seemed to wipe it away as soon as I noticed, but there had been that strange moment in the vision now that I thought of it, the one where he had seemed to know what I needed to hear at the exact moment that I had…

He turned away from me, to the girl beside him. "Alice, this is Bella."

She leaned forward, smiling warmly, her elbows coming to rest on the table. "Hey, Alice."

"_Alice…" Her voice was almost a whine, the desperation in it a palpable thing. Not that I cared. _

"_No! I told you, I already know you're going to sit down and cooperate, so just make this process easier will you?" She sighed, bit her lip then finally sat down in the chair, holding her hand out so I could paint her nails._

"_This is ridiculous."_

"_No, it's fun! And besides, this makes me very happy, being able to do this with you. I never thought I'd have a best friend to get ready for a big dance with, and I'm only going to do this for the first time once you know."_

"_But this..blueish whiteish color? It's-"_

"_It has a name, Bella. Alpine Frost. And this __**is**__ the winter formal you know, it's perfect!"_

"_Uh-huh."_

"_Edward's going to love it!"_

_She groaned._

_I softened my approach, lowering my voice. "You really are making me very happy, Bella. You know I love you, don't you? I'm not trying to ruin anything for you, it's just-"_

_She sighed. "No, you're not. Promise." She even smiled, a little. "And you know I love you, too." She grinned wider then, laughing a little. "At least you better know it, after this."_

This time, I looked immediately at Edward, suspicious. Of course, it was ridiculous to be suspicious. How could he know? Yet, there was a moment I could have sworn a grin flashed across his face, but it was gone as fast as I saw it. Or I was crazy, and it had never been there at all.

I shook my head a little, settled for waving at Bella. "Hi, Bella!" Bella. Bella Cullen. My best friend. This was going so, so much better than I had expected.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''

I settled back on the bed, watching Jasper as his long fingers trailed slowly over the spines of the books on my bookshelf, clearly absorbing the titles. "Shakespeare?"

"Mmhm."

"And Bronte."

"Yes." I slid forward, moved to the foot of the bed rather than the head. "Fascinated?"

"Very. I love reading."

"I can tell. Your favorite?"

"That's a hard one." He moved back, leaned against the wall. "There's several. I can't pick one, but I can name a couple."

"…Well?"

He grinned, tossed his hair so it fell over his eyes. Damn, did he know what he did to my heart when it did that? It was almost enough to make it beat right out of my chest… "North and South, by John Jakes. And the second one, Love and War, I don't like the third. Anything by Edgar Allan Poe. The Count of Monte Cristo. The Great Gatsby. Many, but that's a few."

"I've read some Poe and I've read Gatsby but not Monte Cristo, though I've wanted to, and I've never read the Civil War books."

"You should. Scratch that, you will. You can borrow mine."

"Well, that settles that then. But you'll have to read something I choose."

"I can handle that." His eyes roamed over the walls, fell on a picture of an actor I had fallen in love with when I was 14. "What do you see in him, hm?" His words were teasing enough, good natured, but I could hear a current of real annoyance behind them and I couldn't help but grin. He was jealous. _Jasper_, the ultimate man, positively gorgeous, sex-symbol Jasper was jealous of a picture. I could hardly keep from bursting into laughter.

"Next to you, nothing. He's a good actor though. I really fell for him when I was younger."

"Hm."

I giggled, scooted all the way to the edge of the bed to let my legs hang off, beckoning him forward. He came hesitantly, though I could feel him relax when he took my hands and stepped closer, even pulling me forward to lean against him. This was a welcome change to the tension I could usually feel in him when he held me, and though I wondered I would never question why it occurred to begin with or why it was better now. I rested my head on his chest, my fingers gripping loosely to his shirt. "Like I said, next to you, he's nothing."

"Good." I felt his breath against my temple, felt his lips linger there as he sighed. Something was still bothering him.

I pushed him back gently, took his hand in my own. "Jasper, what's wrong? Really?"

"Really? I'm not ready to leave you." He stroked my cheek, his molten eyes blazing into mine.

"Then don't go." My voice was a barely audible whisper, all thought lost. I was mesmerized. "Stay, they won't be home until later, any of them."

He grimaced, shook his head. "I can't. And I won't be at school tomorrow either." He looked down and away, seemingly afraid of my disapproval. "I have to go on a trip with Emmett." Though I knew he'd never miss something he'd promised me, a spike of fear shot through me all the same, my breath catching. His head snapped up almost instantly, eyes wide. "Don't worry, I'll be back by tomorrow night. But I..promised Emmett, and I'm afraid I have to leave this afternoon. Now." A sigh that was almost a growl slipped from his lips and he pulled me closer, one hand stroking my back. "Edward will take you to school tomorrow, alright?"

I nodded, looked down. I didn't want him to see how this hurt me, because it shouldn't. It wasn't that long! It was hardly 24 hours! So why did I feel like this, like my soul was being torn away from me? Somehow, it felt worse than dying, and it was a feeling so intense that I couldn't even convince myself that that was stupid.

Gently he tipped my chin up, made me face him again. "I will miss you terribly, you know that don't you? I can hardly bear it, leaving you now. I…" He paused, traced my face with his fingertips before curving his palm to fit my cheek. "Alice…"

I reached up, pressed my hand against his cheek. "Not as much as I'll miss you."

"I very much doubt that."

"That doesn't mean you can't be wrong." He smiled and it was genuine, a sight that warmed me just a little bit. A fact that reminded me… I took his hand and kissed his palm, careful. "You're cold."

"Mm."

"You're always cold."

He shrugged his shoulders lightly, though his hand didn't move. "I suppose. Don't worry about it, I'm alright." He eased his hand from my grip, trailed his fingertips across my lips. "So…what time do I pick you up tomorrow? I'd like to take you out to dinner first."

"And you're going to eat."

"Actually, no, I'm…eating with Emmett, earlier. But I want to take you to dinner." And by his tone, I could tell that wasn't an option.

"When will you be back?"

His eyes brightened, clearly pleased. He shouldn't have been so surprised, in fact I had the urge to slap him for not having more common sense. Of _course_ I wanted him as soon as possible. "Can I pick you up at 6?"

"You can pick me up whenever you like."

His eyes sparkled. "Oh really?" Swifter than I would have imagined possible he had swept me up in his arms, my body cradled effortlessly to his chest as if I weighed no more than a grain of sand. "Is now a good time?"

I gasped and giggled, though I clung to him rather than pushing away. "Jasper!" I was, honestly, far, far from exasperated. He could hold me forever, if he wanted.

He grinned mischieviously, set me back down on the edge of the bed as quickly as he had scooped me up. "Impossible to resist."

"I didn't mind."

Something about the way I said, or maybe what he had said or simple the moment itself but something changed, shifted. The playful air fell and there was something more serious, more intense about the way he leaned over me now, the burn in his eyes. I didn't even try to control my own actions though really I should have, but I just wasn't thinking. I took his face in my hands and brought my lips to his, gasping against them when I felt his hand curving against my neck, the pad of his thumb tracing my jaw. This kiss was a little less restrained than before though not by much, and it was equally maddeningly short.

He pulled back with a quiet groan, and I was certain I caught something he whispered under his breath about needing to 'get out of here'. Of course. He had to meet Emmett. Still…

He stroked my cheek, his forehead resting against mine. "I have to go now, Alice."

"Alright."

"Tomorrow at 6?"

"I'll be waiting."

"I'll count on that." One minute he was there, his breath feather soft against my lips and the next he was gone, the air still stirred in his wake. I let my body slump, fall back against the sheets. I could still feel his lips on mine, and darting my tongue out now I could taste him still, barely.

_Jasper…_ I rolled over on my side to look at the clock, checking the time. 4:45. 25 hours and 15 minutes. Wonderful.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

I had expected it of course, but the sight of the silver Volvo waiting for me in Jasper's place was still a little disappointing. Not that I didn't want to spend more time with Edward, I did, but what I didn't like was what it meant. Jasper was already gone, and he wouldn't be back until tonight. A single day had never seemed so long.

I slid into the passenger seat quickly, looking over at Edward to find him already smiling warmly at me. "Good morning, Alice."

"Hey. Thanks for the ride."

He shook his head as he pulled the car out, driving with one hand. "You're not a problem at all, don't even think about it." He turned to me again, eyes drifting away from the road longer than I think I could have managed, though the car didn't veer in the slightest. "We're all very happy to have you around, Alice. More than you know."

His words had such depth of honesty to them that it was impossible to doubt his sincerity, a fact that made me only more curious. "Because of Jasper?"

He nodded, slow. "Yes."

Well, clearly he wasn't going to volunteer too much, but he had brought it up so maybe I could push it a little. "He almost wouldn't talk to me, when we met."

Edward's lips quirked, and I could see his fingers tap on the steering wheel. "Yes, I know. He's not usually…" He seemed to be mulling over the right words, his head tilted. "Social. In any form, really. Not with those outside the family at least, and sometimes he's even difficult with us."

There had to be a reason, but that was the one question I wouldn't ask. Whatever had brought on his defenses, he'd tell me himself when he was ready. I had no doubts that eventually, he would be. "He seems…"

"He _is_ much better, now. Happier than I've seen him." He looked at me again, eyes soft. "Which is why we are all indebted to you, Alice. You do for him something none of us can." His eyes were the same liquid gold as Jasper's, though their burn didn't trap me the way his did. All the same, that was odd considering they weren't really related. Maybe… "Esme wants to have you over this weekend, if you'd like. Saturday afternoon, perhaps?"

"I'd love that!"

"Good. She's very anxious to meet you, Carlisle too." We were at school, now, and he whipped the car easily into a space beside his sisters green mustang. I was picking up my bag and getting ready to open the door when he stopped me, his voice soft. "Alice?"

"Yes?"

"You'll sit with us, of course…" A statement, but I could hear that the invitation was merely open. Only if I wanted.

I grinned. "Of course."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''

It had seemed like an eternity without him, and I was absolutely dying to see him. Still, I couldn't help but gasp and pause at the car he drove up in. He got out before I could get in and came around to meet me, his arms wrapping easily around my waist. "Alice, you're beautiful." The awe in his voice was enough to make me blush, and I smiled when he leaned in for a brief kiss. "I missed you."

"I know." I slid my own arms around his chest, leaned into him. "I missed you, too. Your trip go well?"

"It was fine. You ready?"

Almost, but it was then that I got a good look at what had stopped me in the first place. "Whose car is this?"

He laughed, ran a hand easily over the shiny hood. "Edward's. His car for special occasions. It's a Crossfire. Do you like it?"

"I don't see how anyone wouldn't like it, it's gorgeous!" It was a beautiful sports car in an unusual glittery burnt orange, sleek and shiny. So, so beautiful. Maybe I could convince Edward to let me drive it sometime…

He whipped the door open elegantly, and I noticed for the first time what he was actually wearing. I had been so caught up in _him_, his presence, that I hadn't paid any attention to that, at first. He was dressed all in black, his shirt silk with just enough sheen to be noticed. He was breathtaking, and for a moment I could hardly remember anything, including how he had ever been interested in me.

He grinned as he caught me staring, stepped back a little. "Did I do alright?"

"Alright?" My voice was weak and he laughed, nudged me toward the car door.

"I'll take that as a yes. Come on, I have reservations for us."

''''''''''''''''''''''''

We met Edward and Bella on the way into the dance, at the entrance. She looked even more beautiful now than she usually did, dressed in a black and white dress that came just past her knees. Even so, if I was her, I would have been wearing heels with it...but it didn't matter, she was a thousand times more gorgeous than I could have ever hoped to be, and it was plain she wasn't even trying. Edward grinned at me, slowed until we caught up. "Hello, Alice. Jazz. Em and Rose got here first, I believe."

"Probably, they usually do." Jasper pulled me close, his chin resting on my shoulder as he whispered in my ear. "Rose likes to show off, as you might have been able to tell before."

I couldn't help smiling a little. "Yeah, I thought so."

Edward joined in the laughter more enthusiastically than me, though he reigned it in before as we stepped inside. It was dark and well decorated, though not in the same way they did for prom or one of the more important dances. Rosalie was already there, in Emmett's arms in the middle of the floor. She looked like either a model or an angel, though in this lighting angel seemed more likely. She was practically glowing.

"Ready to dance with me?" His voice was low, almost seductive and I shivered, pressed closer to him.

"Absolutely."

He led us out onto the floor, twirling me around before pulling me against him, his movements fluid. He danced far better than me, and I could tell he was deliberately keeping my pace. It felt far too wonderful for me to have ever minded. His eyes were sparkling, his pale skin gleaming in the low light. His hand against my back slid lower, brought me even closer against him.

Something caught his attention then and his eyes bored in on a point over my shoulder, for a moment looking almost dangerous. He chuckled then, low. "Tyson's jealous."

_Oh. Tyson. _I had all but forgot about him, honestly, but who could blame me? How could I think of anything else when Jasper was holding me like this? I slid closer, slowed our speed down almost to a stop so I could lay my head against his chest as we danced. "Is he?" I slid my hands more securely around his neck, stroked the soft skin.

I was certain I could actually feel the swell of pride from Jasper at the way I claimed him, the fact that I couldn't have cared less if the whole world were watching us. There was a low hum from his chest that was almost a growl, and his arms tightened around my waist. "He thinks this was my plan all along, you know. Stealing you away from him."

"It wasn't?"

I could feel him smile as he nuzzled against me. "Oh absolutely it was, but he doesn't need to know that." I felt him take a deep breath, his lips pressed against my jaw. "Much better."

"Hm?"

"Nothing." He pulled away, kissed the same spot again, lightly. "I missed you, that's all."

" 'All?' "

I expected him to catch the humor in my voice, but if he did he chose to ignore it, answered the question as if it had been completely serious. "No, not all. it was terrible. I didn't know it would be so hard, going away now." His voice dropped to a whisper, his forehead resting against mine. "I'm afraid you're stuck with me."

"I'll try not to be too upset about it."

He stroked my cheeks with his thumbs, his cool hands gentle. "And I'll try to be worthy of putting up with."

"Putting up with? Are you kidding? Do you know how happy you've made me, how…how different I can already see that my life is now, because of you?"

His breath caught, and there was something close to fear in his eyes before it was replaced with a warmth so comforting it almost brought tears to my eyes. "Alice…" I felt his breath start again, his hands tightening on my waist. "Have you seen-"

"Are you going to dance, little brother, or just stand there?"

Jasper turned to glare sharply at Emmett, reflexively pulling me closer as he straightened up to his full height to face his brother. "Mind your own business."

"Or?"

"I think you know the answer to that one. And Rose wouldn't like it."

Emmett laughed then grimaced, backing off. "Ok, ok, geez, you don't have to be so touchy." He reached out with one hand and waved in my direction. "Having fun, Alice?"

"Yeah, Emmett. You?"

"Hell yeah! Hey, make sure my brother doesn't just stand around, alright? Make him loosen up, have some fun."

"That's enough, Emmett." Jasper's voice was hard but I stroked his arm, watched the calm slide over him.

"It's alright, Jasper. He's fine." The song coming on then was faster, something I didn't feel like dancing right at this moment. I wanted to talk to him a little more, first. I slid my hand over his, my fingers slipping between as I tugged him backward. "Come on."

He came readily, followed me over against the dark wall. "I'm sorry about Emmett. He can be…"

"I think he's hilarious. Seems like a lot of fun."

Jasper grinned, nodding. "Yeah. He's that too."

I slipped closer to him, every inch of me warming as his arm slid around my waist. "Jasper?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you for coming with me."

His other arm came around me, holding me securely against him. "Don't thank me for that. I'll do anything you want."

Yes, I was beginning to see that. And knowing that, it seemed safe to tell him what I had known since the moment I had set eyes on him. I pulled back a little, put just enough pressure on his neck that he would get the idea of what I wanted. His kiss was warm and gentle, slow but still insistent. He shifted our positions until I was against the wall and he leaned over me on one arm, his other hand against my hip. This time, when we broke for air he came back before I had even drawn in a full breath, a soft sigh escaping him as he kissed me again. Tentatively, I opened my mouth to him, surprised when he actually took the invitation. Still he seemed cautious, tasting only as far as my bottom lip before pulling it lightly between his own, then pulling back entirely, his breath ragged.

The room was spinning, but that was really entirely irrelevant, he was almost holding me up anyway. I slid my hands up from his neck, held his face securely between my hands, my eyes locking with his. I could see the wonder there, see that for him, everything was spinning as well. That told me everything, the last thing I needed to be sure of. "I love you, Jasper."

I could feel his body shudder, watched his eyes close as he listened. Without a seconds thought, he was already answering me. "I love you."

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

So there it is!! the dance! And an I love you! :D

Hope everyone enjoyed that chapter, it was a fun one to write.

And I hope all of you American readers are out there voting today!!! Or that you voted already, I know I did a couple weeks ago. I definitely have my own strong opinions on this election, but I'm not getting into that…I hope ALL of you get out and vote, whichever candidate you're supporting! This is your right as an American, use it!

And that's the end of my speech, lol. For me, today is, first and foremost, the release of the Twilight soundtrack, hehe.


	10. Vision

I know, I know…this has been a loooong time coming. *headdesk* I've had a ton going on, and I've also got so much that I'm writing so that's why it's been forever. And I thought that once finals and all that were over I'd have more time…yeah, no. The thing is, I write when I'm supposed to be studying/doing homework(lol), so, when I'm off, I'm away from the computer more doing other things so I actually have much less time to write…which sucks. *sigh* plus, I went back to work, and we needed the help so they've been working me to death…yeah, not conducive for writing.

Anyway, finally, chapter 10. And this is for Nikki especially, who has been very patient and not murdered me yet. ^^

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

**Alice**

"Come on, they're gonna love you. Don't worry about it."

I sighed, fidgeted with the edge of my shirt again. I still wasn't sure about it. I might should have gone with the black blouse, instead of the white… But Jasper was waiting for me, extremely impatiently.

I heard him sigh, and I felt his cool hand wrap around my wrist. "Alice, come on. It's alright."

I bit my lip, nodding as I let him pull me out the door and down the stairs. "I just…I want to make a good impression on your parents, and I haven't seen anything and…"

"And you don't like that." His voice was amused, and if it had been anyone else but Jasper I would have been annoyed. But it _was_ Jasper, and whether he was amused or not his beautiful voice was far too entrancing.

"No. I don't."

"Well…" He slid onto his motorcycle, wrapped my arms more securely around his waist when I climbed up behind him. "Most of us go into things blind all the time. And besides I promise you, they're going to love you." He brought my palm to his lips, kissed it softly. I could feel the warmth and ease spread through me, calming me. I could never stay upset around Jasper. "Ok?"

I nodded, but said nothing, feeling a little dizzy. I buried my head against his shoulder and breathed him in, and though it did nothing to help the dizziness I still felt better. There was no where I would have rather been than with him. "Yeah. Let's go."

''''''''''''''''''''''''''

The Cullen's house was like nothing I had ever seen in Forks. It reminded me of some of the old houses I had seen back in Mississippi, or the kinds of things you saw on TV. Grand, powerful, so far out of the ordinary that for a moment it awed you. It was white, three stories, clearly old but well kept and extremely beautiful. It was like visiting a work of art. Very fitting, to be _his_ home. He was a work of art in his own right, like nothing else in all the world.

He lifted me off of the motorcycle before I could even begin to get down on my own, and when I gasped in shock he grinned widely.

"Sorry. Couldn't resist."

His grin, his happiness, all of it was incredibly catching and I smiled back, leaned up as far as I could to brush a soft kiss against his lips. He froze, his hand slowly sliding to down to take mine before he pulled away. "Ready?"

"Yes."

"Good. Come on." We came in through the garage door, stepping into a clean, sparkling kitchen. I could smell bread baking in the oven. Cinnamon of some kind… I took a deep breath, inhaling it. Mom hadn't baked in years. "Carlisle, Esme, we're here!" He called out into the silence, then soften his voice almost to a whisper for me. "Come on, the family 's probably in the living room."

I let him pull me through into a huge living room, a raised platform just to our right that held a gorgeous grand piano. In front of us the two that I knew must be Carlisle and Esme stood behind one of two white leather couches, smiling in such a warm way that I couldn't believe I had ever worried about meeting them. Going into this blind meant nothing, and besides that, I hadn't really been blind. The vision I had had of Edward had already told me that I would be practically part of the family…worrying had been silly.

Jasper squeezed my hand gently, took another step forward to bring us closer to his parents. "Carlisle, Esme, this is Alice." No one could have mistaken the pride in his voice, the way his chin titled up ever so slightly, just enough to give him the air of someone who knows they have something of great importance. I wasn't sure I could ever get used to that, meaning this much to him. It was everything I had ever wanted, no, more than that.

Carlisle held out his hand to me and I took it, a little surprised to find it as cold as Jasper's. "Alice. It's wonderful to meet you."

"Yes, Jasper's told us so much about you!" Esme's voice was nothing short of pure happiness, and she reached out to squeeze my shoulder gently, her hand lingering as if she already wanted to pull me into a hug.

I smiled at them both, squeezed Jasper's hand. "It's wonderful to meet you! Thank you so much for inviting me."

"That's nothing; we'll be seeing a lot of you!" My head jerked around in the direction of Emmett's voice, and I wasn't the only one. Jasper shot him a look I couldn't recognize, and for a moment I could have sworn I saw Emmett's lips moving but I heard nothing, and I knew I must have imagined it. He stopped close to us, leaning on both hands against the back of the couch. "Hey, Alice. So, did you actually get him to have fun last night?"

I looked up at Jasper, my heart warming at the slight smile that tugged at his lips. "Yeah. Yeah we had fun."

Emmett made a show of staggering sideways, his hand over his heart. "Jasper? Enjoying himself? I don't believe it."

"Emmett." Carlisle's voice was warm but somehow still a little stern, and Emmett chuckled a little before clapping a hand on Jasper's shoulder and turning quickly to fall gracefully onto the couch beside Rose, sliding his arm around her shoulders.

Rose nodded at me but said nothing, and it was only then I noticed the absence of Edward and Bella. I looked up at Jasper, questioning him with my eyes. "Are-"

"Edward and Bella will be here shortly, they-" Mid-sentence he turned, just as the front door opened. "Edward."

They came in together, Edward pulling Bella behind him. "Jasper. Alice." His voice seemed to soften on my name, folding around it with more warmth than I could ever remember anyone saying it, except for Jasper. It was wonderful.

"Hey, guys."

Edward smiled, his own genuine crooked smile, the one I had already begun to notice he so rarely used at school, and only then around Bella. I could see the difference in him, here. He was far more relaxed away from the school, far more himself. "You must forgive our late arrival; I took Bella out for lunch."

On the couch Emmett sniggered, and Jasper's head whipped around in his direction. I heard a dull thud from the same direction, but before I could turn Jasper pulled me closer to him, one hand reaching up to trace through my hair. "Would you like me to show you around?"

"Yeah. I'd like that." Esme seemed to be unable to resist squeezing my shoulder one last time, beaming from ear to ear as she looked at me. Jasper really had been right, and it reminded me of what Edward had said before, about the family being happy that Jasper and I had found each other. It seemed there had been even more truth to that than I had realized, and I knew for certain that no matter what I had seen with my own eyes, and I had not really glimpsed the depths of whatever it was that troubled Jasper. Clearly, they had, and I had somehow made it better…and if it was up to me, I would happily spend the rest of my life doing more of the same.

"Dining room." He gestured off to the side of the gigantic staircase into a room with an elegant polished wood table surrounded by chairs. It was beautiful, but before I could get a good look he was tugging me up the stairs. "Carlisle and Esme's room is down there, and Edward and Bella's is on the end…I think they have the best view, but that's probably just me." He smiled, the one that made my heart jump the most.

I felt it skip, waited for it to calm before I spoke. "And yours?"

"This way." It wasn't far. He pushed the door open slowly, and I stepped into a room with two desks, an old couch, and a couple of tall bookshelves. One desk held a computer, the other miscellaneous books and paper, and over it there was a medium sized flat screen TV hanging on the wall opposite the couch. As with every other back wall I had seen in the house, the back wall was all glass. I hadn't seen Edward and Bella's view, but I would have been willing to bet it couldn't have been much better than his.

I stepped up to the window slowly, pressed my palm against the cool pane and looked out over the flat expanse between the house and the river. Through the trees I could just see it, a sparkling, weaving sliver. "it's great."

"Glad you like it."

I could feel that he had stepped up behind me, and I turned to face him, my hands taking both of his. "I…" I was only realizing now, looking at the room from this angle. It wasn't that big, but there were some empty spaces…and there really shouldn't have been. "Do you sleep on the couch?"

His eyes flickered between me and the windows and the couch, and for a moment I couldn't read them. "Ah, yeah. Yeah, I got used to it a long time ago, haven't felt like getting a bed yet. Soon, maybe."

"You should, you'd sleep better."

He chuckled softly, ruffled my hair with one hand before pulling me in against his chest, his lips resting just against the top of my head. "I'm sure you're right."

It was so peaceful here, so silent. Best of all, this place had a feel of 'home' that my own house had long since ceased to have, and I hadn't realized until I had come here how much I had missed it. There was no sense of family at home anymore, no sense of connection. Here, it was obvious. I could have been jealous, and I guess that would have made sense, but what I felt wasn't really jealousy. That term tended to apply more to what you knew you couldn't have, but here… It was more of a sense of belonging. As if this was my place as well. Already I never wanted to leave it.

His hold on me tightened slightly, his arm sliding more securely around my waist. "What are you thinking, Alice?"

I tapped my fingers slowly against his chest before tightening them in his shirt. "That I love it here, with your family. I love _them_. And that…" My heart jolted, my stomach sinking as I contemplated speaking the whole truth. "I've missed…this. Family. A real home. But it's like that here, and I love it." I felt him suck in a sharp breath, and I knew he was worrying about me again. He did enough of that already. "Don't worry about it; I'm fine. Just...thank you, for bringing me here."

Before I knew it, he had scooped me up in his arms and we were sitting on the couch, me resting comfortably in his lap. I couldn't help but smile, let my head rest against his shoulder. Apparently, he liked picking me up. Not that I minded. Not at all.

"You're not fine." His voice was tense, hard, and for a moment I wished I would have never told him. Still, I knew that he was _it_…absolutely everything for me, now. Really, he _should_ know it all. There should be nothing I couldn't tell him. "Alice…" he sounded hesitant, afraid, and I shifted enough to face him better, my left hand curving against his cheek to draw his eyes to mine. Yes, the worry was in them, too. "If I…told you I…." My heart beat faster as hung on his words, even more curious because he seemed so reluctant to say them. Suddenly, he shook his head, looking away. "Nevermind."

For a moment, I had been sure he was going to tell me something important. There had been an intensity to the fear in his eyes that I had never seen before, and I wanted desperately to hear what it was that frightened him, to be able to fix it. I pressed gently against his cheek, tried to make him face me again. No such luck. "Jasper…" His eyes fluttered closed, and I couldn't help but smile as he turned his head to press a kiss to my palm. "Jasper, you know you can tell me anything. Whatever it is."

"Can I?" He whispered the question aloud, but it was clear it was more for himself than it was for me. I wanted desperately to beg him to tell me, to plead in a way that made my request impossible to refuse. But I couldn't bear the tortured conflict in his eyes, and I didn't want to be the reason for it.

I pulled myself up to kiss his cheek, nuzzled against him. "Only if you want to. I trust you. Whatever it is, you can tell me when you're ready to."

He pulled me fiercely close, an intensity to his movements that I had never felt before. My breath caught in my chest as I felt his lips against my neck, roving from my jaw to my shoulder and back again before he stopped, his breath coming short against my skin. "I love you, Alice. More than I would have ever believed possible. And you know I….I would never hurt you."

The fear was still there, in his voice, but if anything I was more confused than ever. "Of course…Jasper, of course I know that."

He took a deep breath, and for a moment seemed on the verge of saying something else. Just then, however, the sounds of beautiful piano music began to drift up the stairs. He tensed, left one last kiss against my jaw before easing the tight grip he had had on me, pulling his head up from where it was buried against my neck. "Edward's playing. You should go listen; he's wonderful."

Yes, the music did sound magnificent, but if I had had the choice I would have rather finished our conversation. Still, I knew that now, that wasn't an option. I ran my fingers through his hair, linked my arms around his neck to show him he didn't have to put me down, not if he didn't want to. "Alright. Let's go listen."

He smiled, though it was still more subdued than he had seemed before. Whatever it was that he had been on the verge of telling me was clearly going to be staying on his mind for awhile. He stood, holding me easily in his arms as we went down the stairs and into the entrance hall. He sat me down behind the piano, and though I loved standing there next to him, the feeling of ease that I had had from the moment I met Edward and saw my first glimpse of our future took over and I slid onto the seat next to him, eyes on his hands. "You're incredible."

He smirked, chuckled softly. "Thank you." The notes trilled out a new melody, this one less decisive. The other had been slow, beautifully breathtaking. This was different, uncertain, notes barely joined together as if they were ready to head off in their own directions. "What would you like to hear?"

"Hmm….Billy Joel?"

"Excellent choice." Even as he murmured the words, he was already starting into the opening bars of Piano Man. It was flawless, incredible. Hearing it, I would have never believed that it wasn't the background recording for the original song.

"Wow, that…that really is amazing, Edward. I've never seen anyone play so _fast_." At my words his hands slowed, barely.

"Lots of practice."

"I'd say. Have you ever played in competitions, that sort of thing?"

He shook his head. "No, not my cup of tea. I play only for myself, and my family." He nodded his head in their direction, his fingers still fluid on the keys, never skipping a note. "And you, do you play?"

I laughed softly, shook my head. "Nope. My mother tried to get me to, when I was really little, but I could never focus on it, I wasn't interested. So, I took dance instead but even that didn't last long. Then soccer…that didn't either."

His laugh was warm and genuine, his eyes leaving the keys to lock with mine. They sparkled, a warm butterscotch. "Short attention span?"

"Only for some things."

My heart skipped as familiar cool, sure hands slipped over my shoulders, rubbing gently. "I'd like to steal you back now."

I leaned back, my heart kicking into overdrive again as my head came to rest against his chest. "I'm not sure if you can."

"Oh, I can." Before I knew it, his lips were at my ear. "Should I carry you, or will you walk?"

I stood quickly, smiling as I took his hand. "Walk, this time." Before I could even think twice about the action my hand was out, gripping Edward's shoulder. "Thanks for the music, Edward."

"Anytime."

Jasper was tugging me insistently away and I let him, followed him into the now empty living room to curl up on one of the couches. He pulled me gently against his chest, almost instantly pulling a blanket down from the back and draping it over us. "Is there anything in particular you would like to watch? Well, anything that's come on lately that might be on the hard drive….we have a huge selection of movies, but we'll have to get up to look at those."

Getting up was definitely the number one thing I didn't want to do at the moment, and at even the thought my arms tightened around his chest. Uh-uh. He was staying right here. We could watch Orange County Choppers for all I cared so long as I got to stay like this with him. Curled up so close, his body against mine….it was perfection. "I don't know. Pick something. Anything."

"_You know, you made them so happy, coming over on Saturday. They'll want to see you more often." _

_That was definitely a good thing, being loved by his parents. If I was ever going to be part of the family, that was the first step. Eventually, I had every intention of being part of the family. I knew from the vision I had seen, from what I felt when we were together…there was no other man for me but Jasper. He was my soul mate, beyond all doubt. "Well, I loved meeting them. They're wonderful people." _

_Behind us, there was a thud, a yell, and then…_

_I had never seen him like this, could have never imagined it. I was right to see him as otherworldly, however…as his beauty always defied description, so the terror he could have inspired did now. His eyes were black, every muscle in his body flexed. _

_I could feel my breath quickening, my own eyes wide as I tore my eyes away from his dark eyes to the boy who had fallen backwards off the stone table, the way his head was bleeding onto the sidewalk. _

"_Go, Alice." The low growl in his voice was enough to make my heart stutter to a stop, my breath catching in my chest. His hands were shaking, and one of the bricks on the ledge beside him came away from the mortar under his crushing grip. "Go." _

"_Jasper…" _

_He snarled, and I could see a hundred different emotions in his eyes. "Go." _

_I wasn't the only one watching him, now. Others were staring, inching back from his clearly dangerous anger. Where he came from I couldn't see but Edward barreled into him from behind, locking his arms behind his back. I was close enough to catch only the words "breathe" "Jasper" and "blood", and I wasn't at all sure those were in sequence. _

_The noise he made was far closer to an animal than a man, then-_

My hand shot up to press against my temple, fighting the sudden onslaught of what felt like a migraine. The vision had blurred, as if it were a Polaroid being pulled in two directions; water being dripped down the middle of the surface before the picture had developed. For the moment before it passed the headache was all I could think about, and so it was a moment before I realized the two most important things.

First, Jasper was panicking. "Alice? Honey? Alice!"

Still a little woozy, I held up a hand to stop his questions. His grip on me didn't loosen, but the terror in his eyes seemed to diminish marginally. "I'm fine, Jasper. Just a vision. And a headache. That's never happened before…"

His cool hand swept against my forehead, pressing against the skin, his brow furrowing in concentration. "I think you should lie down. I can ask Carlisle-"

"No!" I took a deep breath, forced down the instinctive terror that came with the thought of anyone knowing anything remotely connected to my visions. They couldn't know, otherwise I would become the 'crazy' that was dating their son…and I would much rather them keep on thinking I was good for him. "No, I'm fine. Maybe I could just lay down for a minute…" No sooner said than done. I was stretched out full length on the couch and he knelt on the floor, his hand still against my forehead.

"Are you sure I can't-"

"It's fine, really." Even with my mind swirling with the images from the vision, my need for him had not in the slightest diminished. "You could come back up here and hold me…" I left the question open, hoping he would take it.

He did, and I sighed with relief to feel his body molding against mine from behind, pulling me close. "Are you sure you're-"

"Jasper." My voice was only slightly exasperated, but I could feel his surrender. I was grateful, because I desperately needed him to stop talking. Because second to him panicking, there was the other extremely important thing I had realized.

If I didn't stop him, tomorrow Jasper was going to show a whole crowd of people that he wasn't human.

He wasn't human. Jasper wasn't human. It had been obvious, from what I saw, but somehow that news hadn't really shocked me. It wasn't as if he was normal, really. If he had been, then I would have been surprised. As it was… Well, it wasn't really startling. Not that part, at least.

But the rest…

Now that my head was a little clear, the headache fading, it snapped together easily. Far, far too easily. He never ate. His skin was ice cold. He had super strength. It was the fall that had set off the change in him, and Edward had said something about blood…

"Alice? What did you see?"

I jerked in his arms at the words, startled by the sound. I had been so lost in my own revelations, I had all but forgotten he was there. "I…" _You're a vampire. He's a vampire. Jasper…_ I should tell him, really I should. Whatever I said or didn't say, I certainly couldn't let him be outside at that time tomorrow. But no matter how much I told myself I should just spit it out, my throat seemed sealed shut. I had only just figured it out for myself, my head was still spinning with it. I wasn't ready to share this information, not yet. Especially not when I knew he would probably flip out.

I could almost feel another lightbulb going off over my head at that thought, and I wondered how many revelations I could have in the span of ten minutes before my head exploded. This _had_ to be what he had been on the verge of telling me, the secret that had him worried. Well, it made sense. For most people. Me, I had already seen at least a little farther into the future, and I knew what I had felt. I belonged with him, whatever he was. Was I nervous, startled, shocked, afraid for him? Yes, to all of the above. But not for myself, and I wouldn't have him thinking I was. I'd have to find a way to tell him I knew, but it wasn't going to be right now.

"It's…nothing important." I hated lying to him. I hadn't done it before, and now that I was I felt sick. I turned in his arms, buried my face against his chest. "Can we just rest for a bit?"

I could feel his hesitation, and I was I knew that he was aware I was hiding something. Still, he didn't push it. His hands smoothed gently down my back, his lips brushing against my forehead. "Of course. Just rest, sweetheart. Sleep."

Now tha t he mentioned it, I _was_ actually really sleepy. I nuzzled even closer to him, let my head rest in the hollow of his throat. The last conscious thought I had before I fell asleep was that though the shoulder I rested my head on was rock hard, I had never been more comfortable in all my life.

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Wow, this chapter took unbelievable long to write.

Blame the clinic I work at…they're killing me. X.X


	11. Trust

Ok so…first off, I know, it's been AGES. Way, way too long. But I was caught up with work, then with school, then with lots of personal problems, and I kind of got on to writing a few other things for awhile but nothing really steadily, but I just haven't been in the right mood/frame of mind to work on this.

But I think I'm getting back into it. and though technically I was going to write the next chapter for To Love and Protect next, I had to do this one…because it had to be ready to be a birthday surprise for someone. :D

One of my best friends turns 22 today, so happy birthday Nikki! I'm sorry this has taken so long, but I wanted to have it for you for your birthday. :D I lovfe you! ^^

I have not written Twilight in soooo long, and I really need to read the books again, so if I'm rusty on this I'm so very very sorry.

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**Alice**

I had slept, apparently, for a couple of hours. It felt like much longer. I had dreamed of the vision again, and when I woke I jerked, residual nerves making me jumpy. I could see the worry in Jasper's eyes, and I blinked quickly, smiling for him. "Hey. Wasn't out too long was I?"

"…no. Alice, are you sure you're-"

"Jasper?" We both looked up at the sound of Edward's voice. He was leaning against the wall across the room, a seriousness in his eyes I hadn't seen before. "Mind if I borrow her for a little bit?"

"She's not feeling well, I don't know if-"

"It's fine, Jasper, I'm ok now, really. It was just a headache." I smiled for him again, pushed gently against his chest to pull away and sit up fully on the couch. "I'll be right back, ok?" Whatever Edward wanted to talk to me about, he certainly looked like it was important. My heart jolted erratically, and I swallowed hard. Maybe _he_ was going to tell me.

"We'll be right back." He spoke to Jasper without turning to face him, already leading me into the next room and out the back door. "Take a walk with me?" his voice was calm, barely questioning.

"Sure." I took a deep breath, worked on calming my nerves again. Every other time I had felt so comfortable with Edward, but this time I was a nervous wreck. It was all my doing of course. Keeping a secret of this magnitude was nerve wracking, but how on earth could I tell them I knew? Being…being what they were it would make sense that nothing would seem weird to them, which might be why Jasper had believed me so easily. Or, that might just have been Jasper and my abilities might seem as impossible to them as their existence would seem to pretty much anyone.

"No, we would never discount your abilities. They're quite remarkable." We had come a ways from the house, now, and I jumped both at the sound breaking the silence and at his words. He faced me, his eyes calm and unreadable. "I know what you saw."

"What…what I _saw_?" Even if it seemed like he knew, somehow, I wasn't going to tell him anything he might not know.

"Very careful of you, but then I imagine you've had to be." He looked away, eyes scanning the trees. "I saw your vision, because I can read your mind." He looked at me then, to see how I was taking it. "I can read everyone's mind."

It was too much information to process, so I didn't even try. Instead, I let my brain skip over the impossibility of it, relate it to the other impossible things I already knew. "That's how you knew to stop him, in my vision. You knew he wanted…" I swallowed, unable to finish. He had wanted the boy's blood. It was obvious, but I couldn't say it.

Edward sighed, heavy. "Yes and no. It is how I knew but you aren't entirely right about what he wanted." He held up his hand, warding off my confused questions. "And there are things it isn't my place to explain. Jasper will tell you everything, if you tell him what you know. And you have no choice, Alice, what happened in your vision…" he shook his head, mouth set in a grim line.

"No! No, of course it won't, I wouldn't let it, I was going to stop him, stop all of you from going out there."

"So you're going to tell him tonight?"

My stomach twisted, pained at the thought. "I…no." I shook my head, avoiding Edward's gaze. "It's just, I can't yet. I'm just sorting it all out for myself, and I don't know what I'd say. How I'd start. But I'll make sure he's not there Monday when it happens."

"And how are you going to do that, if you don't tell him what you've seen?"

This part I already had figured out, and I was fairly certain of my answer. "I'm going to ask him to trust me." I said it evenly, but I didn't feel as calm as I was trying to pretend to be, at least not about that. I trusted him, more than I ever had anyone. I knew he loved me, knew that we were destined to be together but what I didn't know was how much he trusted me at this point. He hadn't told me everything, and it was either because he was afraid, or because he didn't trust me with the information. I hoped desperately he had just been afraid.

"Oh, he trusts you. You are his…" He tilted his head, thinking his words over. "Our…_kind_ are very different from yours, in many ways. When we find our mate, no one else matters more than them. They become the center of our world, of all our thought. You are, quite literally, everything to Jasper."

Everything in me warmed at the thought, and I was suddenly impatient to be back with him again. To be lucky enough to be his everything…

"You're taking this very well, you know. I have to say, I'm shocked. I knew from what I had seen in your mind when I met you that you would accept him, accept us, but I didn't know you'd do it so calmly." His lips quirked into a smile, his eyes faraway. "And here I always thought Bella had had some sort of problem, not being afraid."

"Bella was…she was…"

"Yes."

I waited, hoping he'd elaborate. No such luck. "I guess…I'm not afraid, because I already knew the outcome. Or at least, parts of it. I know I'm meant to be with him…everything else is just details."

He laughed once, soft. "You're remarkable you know."

"I don't think so."

"You're wrong." He slid an arm around my shoulders, squeezing gently. "Come on. Let's get you back before Jasper decides to come looking for us. It won't be long." I nodded, fell in step easily beside him. His movements were so fluid, just like Jasper's…a trait of their…race, I was sure. "You know, Alice if…if for some reason Jasper doesn't listen to you, I will have to interfere. Under no circumstances can he be anywhere near that accident." I nodded. Yes, of course. "And you need to tell him what you know. Soon."

That was going to be harder. "I don't want him to…panic. To think it's a problem for me, to think…"

"There are things he needs to tell you. Things you need to know. _He_ should know, Alice." His words were gentle, but I could hear the slight reproach in them.

"Did you tell Bella right away?"

"No." I could hear the humor in his voice, even on the short, single word. His eyes lit up whenever he spoke about her. "She told me."

"And?"

He hesitated, laughing once more. "Jasper will take it better, I assure you."

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

In the end, I hadn't asked him about Monday that night. He would have been more than smart enough it related to the vision I had had while I was with him, and I didn't want him being any more curious about that than he already was. Still, he would probably assume they were related anyway…but it wasn't quite as obvious, this way.

I hadn't seen him all day on Sunday, and I called him that afternoon. He answered after the first ring.

"I miss you."

Alone in my room I grinned like an idiot, curled up against a big pillow on my bed. "Miss you too. How's your day been?"

"Lonely." I heard him shift the phone, whisper something quickly to someone else in the room. "Sorry. Are you feeling alright? No more headaches?"

His concern was as touching as it always was. Even when my family had loved me, no one had ever loved me like this. "No, headache's been gone. I'm fine." I tugged at a thread on my comforter absently, gathering my nerve. "Jasper…if…if I asked you do something, and told you it was important, would you trust me?"

"Absolutely." He hadn't skipped a beat, hadn't even hesitated. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." It tasted so much like a lie it was hard to keep myself from apologizing, and for a moment I bit my tongue. "It's just, we can't be outside at lunch tomorrow. Actually, we can't be anywhere near there. Or the others. Can we just…go somewhere in the building? Please? I know it sounds crazy but I-"

"No, it doesn't sound crazy." His tone changed, his earnestness shining through. "Alice, honey, I told you, I believe you. Whatever you've seen, I believe you." He paused, and when he spoke again I could hear the hurt in his voice. "I just wish you'd tell me what's going on."

I shut my eyes, took a deep breath. "I know, and I will, but right now, can you just trust me?"

"Of course. Of course I can."

Even having thought he would trust me, the relief of actually knowing he did was overwhelming. To be trusted, really, fully, wholeheartedly trusted for the first time in my life… "Thank you, Jasper."

"Of course." There was silence for a moment and I could tell he was still desperately wanting to question me. "I just wish I knew what you were afraid of. You're not in danger are you?"

I shook my head, even though he couldn't see. "No. Nothing like that. It's just…I can't tell you right now. I'm sorry. But I will. Soon. Is…that ok?"

"It's ok." I could hear the stress in his voice and I hated it, but I wasn't ready to have this conversation. Certainly not over the phone.

But it was going to have to happen, and to plan it, I was going to need time to think. I bit my lip, hating the thought of getting off the phone. "Hey…I'm sorry, but there's something I've gotta work on for tomorrow…"

"It's ok." Of course it wasn't. "Can I pick you up tomorrow?"

I laughed, surprised that he had asked. "I thought I told you you could always pick me up?"

His laughter was warm, real. I could almost picture him. "You did. Just making sure I'm still that lucky."

"I love you."

"Love you too. Goodnight, sweetheart."

"Goodnight."

I hung up slowly, let the phone slide from my hand down the blankets. It was still all so surreal. I was still processing, really. Not even processing. Absorbing. Processing involved thought, and I hadn't gone into any of that, yet. But now…

I had known, of course, that there was something different about him. About all of them. But I had had no name for it, hadn't even tried to consider what it might be. But vampires? Honestly, after what I knew I was capable of I was fairly certain nothing could really shock me, at this point. Still it was…what was the word? Startling, maybe. Not unbelievable that they could exist, but surprising that I would ever encounter them, much less fall in love with one.

Loving a vampire…it sounded insane, on the surface. Incredibly dangerous, at the least. And that was the other thing…I had not for one moment felt in danger with Jasper. And if I knew anything about the way my visions worked(and I knew very little), they seemed to show me major events, or at least minor events related to major ones. I had been able to sense Billy's impending death, so wouldn't I have been even more likely to have a vision about my own, if it were coming? If he was going to kill me, wouldn't I have seen it? I had to believe that, based off of what I knew about the way those things worked. And if that was the case, it would mean he was really no danger to me. Just as I felt he wasn't. Counter to every vampire legend I had ever heard, it seemed unlikely he was after my blood.

Was he different or was I lucky? And if he was different, how? More likely, I was lucky, as weird as that thought might be. For reasons I'd probably never understand, he loved me. And maybe that was enough to keep him from wanting my blood. Could I handle that, being with someone who killed on a frequent basis?

It wasn't even really a question worth considering. I could see Jasper in my mind, could feel everything I had felt in the moment I had had that first vision. He was my soulmate, my everything. I could withstand whatever I had to withstand to be at his side. No matter what that might be.

But how to tell him that…

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

I took Jasper's offered hand, let him twine his fingers gently through mine. His cool skin was becoming more and more familiar, yet the feel of it never ceased to effect me any less. My heart jumped, pounding for more than one reason. He was doing what I'd asked, walking with me in the opposite direction we should have been going, heading instead down an empty hallway. He was going to ask for an explanation now, I was sure. Of course he would, he had every right to.

And I was no more sure of what I was going to say than I had been before. I had fallen asleep last night thinking it over but still nothing sounded just right. Nothing sounded infallible. Above all else, I didn't want to scare him away. A shot of fear came with the thought, shaking me to the core. I had just found him; I would _not_ lose him.

He stopped me gently, hands coming up to cup my face in his hands. "Alice. Tell me what's wrong. I know you're frightened."

"I…no. I'm fine."

"You're lying." His eyes were dark, worried, and there was an edge to them I didn't recognize that frightened me even more. "What did you see?"

"It was nothing, just…just something easy to prevent, that's all. I just-"

"What was it that was easy to prevent?"

His voice grew more insistent every time he spoke, and I could feel my adrenaline rising. What could I say? How did I even begin? "I saw something that…could have been dangerous."

He stepped back, eyes darkening. "Dangerous how?" I didn't answer him, desperately grasping at straws for ideas. "Alice, answer me. Please."

"You-"

"Did I hurt you?" He cut me off, the look in his eyes matching the frantic tilt to his words. "Did I-"

"No, no it wasn't like that! It was just…"

He was pacing, agitated, and even though I knew the wild look in his eyes wasn't aimed at me, I couldn't help but be awed by it. And…a little afraid. He was muttering to himself one moment, and the next he whirled to face me, snapping. "Just what? What the hell did I do?"

I swallowed hard, took a step back. "Nothing! I mean, you…" Shit, this wasn't working. His panic had destroyed any plan I might have had, and I was going to have to just spit it out. "I know what you are." The words were quiet, soft, and they tumbled from my lips without any thought. It wasn't all that direct of a statement, but I knew he understood.

He froze, for a moment more utterly still than I would have imagined anyone or anything could be. "Alice." His voice was quiet, calm. Far too calm. "Tell me what I did."

"There was…an accident. In the courtyard. A boy fell, and he hit his head, and he was bleeding and you…" The noise he made was closer to a hiss than anything human, and for the first time he truly _looked _the part of a vampire. He turned away from me, shoulders hunched, tense. "Edward grabbed you! You couldn't get to him. But then everything got blurry and I don't know what that means, it's never happened before and-"

"It wasn't him." His voice was pained, laced with horror, the anger mostly gone. "it was you." It dropped off then, his tone hoarse. "It wasn't him; it was you. Dear God, I actually would have done it." I could tell he was talking to himself more than me, now. "I would have really gone through with it. Even now…"

No matter how much his anger had taken me off guard a moment before, seeing him hurting was more than enough to break the spell. I darted forward, took his arm and held on even when he flinched. "But you didn't. You hadn't."

"Or I did, and that's why it was blurry, that's why you…" he cut off, teeth grinding together as he pulled away from me. "Don't. Don't…comfort me for this."

I could feel my hands go cold, terrified by the disgust in his voice. This was going even worse than I had imagined. "_Or _it was blurry because…" I thought quick, searching for an explanation. "Because the future was uncertain. I never see anything that isn't concrete, or at least, it is at the time I see it. but if there was something uncertain about what happened, maybe it could have gone in two directions or something…I don't know, Jasper, but I know that it doesn't scare me."

He shook his head, his eyes squeezed shut, and he moved deftly away from my reaching hands without ever opening them.

"Jasper…I trust you."

He laughed, short and harsh. "How the hell can you? I wouldn't trust me. I _don't_ trust myself, but if I was you I certainly wouldn't."

"Yes, you would." This, at least, I could say with confidence. "You say you love me, and I believe you."

"I do love you. But-"

"Wait." I circled in front of him, though there wasn't much room left between him and the wall at this point. "You love me. You trust me, I know. You proved that today. And I think you love me enough that you would trust me even if the stakes had been different."

His eyes opened, narrow. "That isn't the point. You aren't likely to kill me."

"And you aren't going to kill me, Jasper. I would have seen it."

"You don't see everything."

"I see the important things."

"Alice…" He shook his head, took one small step forward….and it was then that I recognized the scene, the place, even the shirt he was wearing. My head spun with the revelation, and I gasped.

"I always see the important things. And I've seen this. It's what I saw, the day I met you. And I didn't know why it was important until now. I saw this the day I met you. And I knew…about us." I met his eyes, saw that at least something in them had softened. "I knew I was yours." I held out my hand to him, willing him to take it. He didn't, but he stepped in close, resting one arm against the wall beside my head.

"This is wrong." He whispered it softly, close enough that I could feel his breath. "Alice, you don't understand, your blood-"

"I don't care."

"And you don't want me, I'm-"

"Jasper, stop."

"This can't be right for you. You're-"

"I love you."

"You have to understand, I want…" he swallowed hard, and I could see the pain displayed in his eyes, in every feature. "I want to kill you. Right now."

It might have been more unnerving, if I hadn't already known that wasn't what was going to happen. My heart was pounding for entirely different reasons, body buzzing with anticipation for the kiss that I knew was coming. "I understand. But I've seen this. I know you'll resist."

"This time, maybe."

"Maybe that's enough." I took a chance, reached up and lay a hand against his cheek. "Whatever the risk is, being with you…I'm willing to take it. And you don't need to worry because if there's danger, I'll see it, and we'll change it. And we can get through this together. I promise."

He shook his head, his frame still tense. "It isn't that simple."

"I think it is." I stroked his cheek, watched the way the muscle in his jaw jumped when I did. "Jasper, I love you. I already know that. I know I belong with you. And I've known it ever since I saw this moment. And what happens next."

He sighed, eyes still closed. "What happens next, Alice?"

My heart jolted, hands almost trembling. "Kiss me."

He laughed once, short. "I'm not sure that's a good idea right now. I don't think the control I need for that would be…possible, at the moment."

"You'll be fine, I promise." I slid my arm around his waist, felt him let me pull him just a little bit closer. "You trust me, remember?"

"Yes. Yes, I trust you." I could hardly hear the words, he whispered them so softly. His eyes were open now, and the look in them was everything I had seen in my vision. Leftover predatory anger, and the tenderness I had seen his eyes every time he had looked at me since we'd been together.

"Then kiss me."

I could see the exact moment he gave in. Something changed in his beautiful amber eyes and he took a last step closer that brought him fully up against me, his hand coming up to cradle my head as he kissed me hungrily. There was none of the restraint he had had before. This was in way carefully controlled…and I could not get enough. The taste of his tongue against mine was unimaginably sweet, and the responding, primal noise he made when I slid a hand to his neck made me shiver. Incredible as those facts alone were, this was far beyond the physical. There was fear and desperation, but more than that, overwhelming love. Love so strong it felt like more than my own…more than my heart and soul together could have been big enough to bear. As if it was both of ours, and yet greater than either of us as the same time. It was incredible, dizzying, and though we broke to take a breath I pulled him back quickly, my grip changing to hold his face in my hands as he pressed closer, trapping me more forcefully between his cool body and the hard metal of the lockers behind me.

It was absolute magic, altering beyond anything I had even anticipated after seeing it. Feel _this_ from a distance could not begin to cover the emotion, the intensity of the moment. I could think of nothing but him, and he was, it seemed, similarly distracted.

"_Jasper_!" It was Edward, but I had never heard him like this. He sounded…furious.

Jasper sprang back smoothly, breathing heavily. I stumbled slightly, reeling a little from his sudden departure, and his hand shot out to grab my arm and steady me. "Edward. I-"

Edward didn't look in a mood to be reasoned with. "Come with me. Now."

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And I _know_ that's a cliffhanger, but I really am going to be doing my best to getting back to updating this frequently. ^^

It's been so long since I wrote Twilight, so I really really hope this wasn't too rusty. It felt it, in the beginning, but then I think I slipped into it better later…I hope that's true.

Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed it! (Especially Nik and Beth…you two have been beyond patient. ^^)


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